Apologies, Im flu ridden, tired and pissed off. To vent from some work related issues, or presentation and division of labor issues.
So addressing the asshole who I assisted today, despite being feverish, I address the following rant. Collective understanding thanked in advance.
Listen idiot, the next time we do a presentation, follow the rules below you empty-headed drooling piece of organigram boxed in B-school pigfucker:
One, if you have a long ass presentation, needs simultaneous translation for not one but two languages, it is always best to arrange for a proper translator, not pounce upon a colleague because you didnt grasp that booking properly accredited translators takes time etc. True, it may actually be a question of someone else fucking up, be it your long suffering assistant, some other oppressed individual here (or perhaps you fucking forgot despite your ponderous experience and ego) but that doesnt mean that your colleagues flu-infested self had to medicate himself up to the gills and play along. Maybe we can attribute this decision to his own inflated ego, but it aint happening again fucker.
That said colleague, yours truly, because hes such a fucking cheerful and agreeable fellow, agreed to lend a hand and translate for your long-ass presentation does not absolve you of the need to coordinate with and communicate, yes, communicate the holy contents of said presentation in advance so that your agreeable and kind colleague can have a motherfucking clue as to what youre doing. True said colleague has worked on the project at hand, in fact furnished some analysis etc but your high and holy status in the company does not render you any more clear or easy to follow. Yes, true you worked on this to the last moment, but that doesnt help one fucking whit.
Further, it is not good form or polite to frown when said colleague stumbles in the translation because, you, shithead, (a) launch into each section without pause for good 3 to 5 minute blocks, nor even follow your own damned Powerpoint text (b) neglected to give said colleague a motherfucking copy of your motherfucking presentation thus forcing me to furiously take notes to try to keep up with your mile-a-minute pace © dont realize that while yes said colleague does know the relevant languages with some moderate fluency, that doesnt mean he has the translation for the wide variety of technical financial, biotech and corporate speak terms all on the tip of his motherfucking tongue, above all since he was given 5 minutes review of what you were thinking about and no god damned hard copy. You try keeping the original text, every bloody 5 minute block, plus the try to think up in real time the translations for all the terms, you inconsiderate asshole. Perhaps the glazed look on the audiences face should suggest when to pause, numbskull, but I forget, you pay no attention to your surroundings outside of your glorious self.
I might add, although it may seem peevish, that next time when you take credit for the entire product, when I and others undertook much of the analysis, and your inconsiderate bloated egotistical ass sat in comfort at HQ, I shall promptly stop and point this out rather than simply adding this into my translation, whether you like it or not you inflated gasbag.
Finally, a brief good job and I think they liked it just doesnt cut the mustard motherfucker. I expect repayment motherfucker, cause I dropped an entire day of trying to beat incompatible data into one wonderous whole (I genuinely enjoy it you know) or otherwise taking a sick day and laying delusional in bed. I better, posthaste, receive compensation, preferably liquid.
Asshole.