On the Cover of the Ol' Straight Dope

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

On the Cover of the Ol’ Straight Dope.

(Sung to the tune of “Cover of the Rolling Stone” – with apologies to the band Dr. Hook)

ahem 1-2-3-4

We ain’t rock singers, but we got golden fingers,
And we type everything we know.
We post about beauty and we post about truth
And web sites where ya shouldn’t go.

I take all kinds of pills, to give me all kinds of thrills,
But the thrill I’ll never know,
Is the thrill that’ll git ya, when ya get recognition,
On the cover of the ol’ Straight Dope.

Ol’ straight doooooooooooope – Wanna see my ID on the cover,
Ol’ straight doooooooooooope – Gonna send 5 copies to my mother,
Ol’ straight doooooooooooope – Wanna see my subject line,
On the cover of the ol’ straight doooooooooooope.

There’s a guy named Cecil, who will lead all the people,
In the fight against ignorance,
Reading doper threads for hours,
Putting me in a trance.

Now may the mods be kind, and blow my mind,
But my mind won’t be able to cope.
Because I’ll be rotting,
Before I hit “Threadspotting”,
On the cover of the ol’ straight dope.

Ol’ straight doooooooooooope – Wanna get my thread on the front page,
Ol’ straight doooooooooooope – Gonna have to wait until my old age,
Ol’ straight doooooooooooope – I wanna see my user name,
On the cover of the ol’ straight doooooooooooooope.

Don’t got a lot of little teenage, blue-eyed groupies,
Who’ll do anything I say.
I don’t got any Indian guru,
Teaching me a better way.

But there’s lots of folks in which I can confide,
So I’ll never have to be all alone.
But I’ll be getting my pension before I get any mention,
On the cover of the ol’ straight dope.

Ol’ straight doooooooooooope – Wanna see my thread on the front page,
Ol’ straight doooooooooooope – Gonna print and frame it for my grandkids,
Ol’ straight doooooooooooope – Wanna see this thread make it,
On the cover of the ol’ straight dope. On the cover of the ol’ straight dooooooooooooope. (fade)

OK dopers, your turn. Add a stanza or write a whole new theme song if you wish.
2

Unfortunately I have no writing ability. But I just want to say that was really good.

3

The OP is a good example of why this board never fails to amaze and amuse.

4

smug,
I really enjoyed that! I have had long, tough (rewarding) work day, and it’s a pleasure to come here and read such great stuff. Thanks!

5

Thanks folks, I appreciate the kind words.

6

With work like this you may very well see your name displayed prominently…

My contribution…

I’ve got a gal named Lola,
who drinks diet cola,
who posts with wit and style.
I’ll be a poor old grey haired daddy,
still getting those damn trolls riled.

Chorus

Aaaah lovely man, I can see us up on the cover smiling, aaaah beautiful…

7

Pretty good. It would be even better if I had more than a rudimentary idea of what the song sounds like… :wink:

8

SMUG!!

Now I want to hear you sing it…

SR

9

Wow, like, beautiful, man! Well might you be smug. Damn, now I want to hear the (origninal) song again, and it’s in a whole pile of music I lent to my brother.

** lolagranola**When I tried on Napster, I got copies of a few old Shel Silverstein/Dr. Hook things, so that’s probably worth a try.

10

Good lord have you people heard him sing… dammit stop encouraging him, its very very painful :wink:

11

But how else to give proper artistic expression to the heartfelt anguish of the song?

Hey, I’m saying positive things here, because how do we know there isn’t a smug version of “Stoned and I Missed It” or “Freakers’ Ball”, which, come to think of it, MPSIMS frequently resembles? Or a topical version of “General Clay and General Gore”?