Johnny L.A. oh Man, I’m so sorry. Damn, and I had to be so cavalier earlier today. John, I’m sorry. I hadn’t followed this thread, so I didn’t know. 
Hang in there.
M
Thanks, everyone.
You can imagine my emotional state when I started this thread. All the way down to Phoenix I expected my phone to ring, with my sister on the other end giving me a status update or at least asking about my progress. She didn’t call. So in my mind, my mom had already died (remember, it sounded quite dire at the time) and sis wasn’t calling me because she didn’t want me to get upset and crash. Well, you’ve read how it turned out. It seemed not as bad when I got there. After last week I was emotionally drained.
Now I hear that it is cancer. Once the problem is identified, a solution can be persued. Mom’s going to die. It may be weeks, or it may be years. I don’t know yet. But she’s accepted it and I’ve accepted it. The last few times I’ve talked to mom, she hasn’t been loopy with meds. She’s her old self. She’s walking better than before. The oncologist has a course of action. Mom may be going home today.
Mom is being practical about the situation. After her last surgery, she told the doctor, ‘If I’m going to die, tell me. I have things to take care of. If I’m not going to die, tell me. I don’t want to lie here worrying about it.’ Well, they told her. She’s looking at it as if she only has a few weeks to settle her affairs, and she’s taking care of business. I prefer to be more hopeful, that the radiation will kill the tumours without damaging too much of her brain. I’m hoping for total remission. The outcome will probably be somewhere in the middle. But if mom is being practical, then so can I. I’ll save my tears until all hope is gone. But for now, I’ll continue looking for work. I’ll have a nice Christmas with my friend. I’ll call mom every day and try to help her keep a positive attitude. When the time comes, I’ll go to Phoenix again. Then I’ll grieve.
Kudos to my sister for being there.
Your Mom sounds like a tough nut, and has a good attitude—best of luck to her, and make sure you all nag the doctors to make sure she has enough pain medications, whether or not she gets better.
You really have to nag for those pain meds.
She doesn’t want pain meds because they make her loopy. After the last surgery, she insisted that they bring her the meds in their packets. She kept the packets to keep track of what she was taking. Her back has been troubling her for some time (osteoporosis, or something), so she has to take some pain medication for it. But she says she will keep track of what she’s taking so that she doesn’t take too much. She really wants a clear head to deal with her financial matters, etc.
She and her late husband made a Trust a couple of years ago. Since her husband died, she has made a new Trust. At least she doesn’t have to worry about that. But there are the ongoing issues of collecting rent from her tenants, paying bills, accepting payments from her (or her late husband’s) 401K (which is required, since she’s 70), transfering money to her automatic house payment account, etc. She wants to be lucid while dealing with all of that, and preparing for the inevitable.
Yeah, she’s a tough nut. She’s always had a practical bent. Ironically, having to deal with these issues is probably good for her. She doesn’t want to leave anything unfinished; and the more she has to do, the longer she’ll hang around to do it.
Oh geeze, Johnny, I’m so sorry to hear of everything you and your family have been through. I’m late coming to this thread, but wanted you to know that my thoughts are with you and your family.
Johnny, your mom sounds like a tough broad. I wish I knew her. Her attitude seems to be the best one in this situation, and I’m glad you’re on the same page, as much as you can be.
Lots of good thoughts heading both north and east!
Just found this thread, and wanted to add my good thoughts and best wishes for your mom, Johnny L.A. It’s always hard when friends or family get sick around this time of year too.
Thinking good thoughts in your direction…
Mom starts radiation therapy tomorrow. Just got off the phone with her, and she said the treatments will be for five or six weeks. She said she got a reprieve. (As I said, she’s looking at dying soon so that if she doesn’t it will be a good surprise.) I told her about a guy who went to a doctor who told him, ‘You have six months to live.’ The guy went to another doctor who told him the same thing. The guy said, ‘Great! Now I have 12 months!’ I told her to keep a positive attitude.
She says she’s walking better today, and she told my nephew that they’d go to the store and get some of those Christmas sugar cookies with the Christmas trees on them, and he can be the ‘chef’.
I don’t show my emotions. If there’s a bad situation, I comparmentalise it. It helps that there is The Straight Dope Message Boards, where I can let off a little steam and maintain an even strain.
Ah, shit. I saw this thread when there were only a few posts, but I hadn’t been keeping up. I don’t really know what to say, and I don’t want to give you a silly internet hug, but I’m keeping you and your family in my thoughts.
Hey, Johnny.
Send Me an Email, and I’ll give you my info to be on ‘there in a pinch’ Phoenix
group. I’ve done the Brain tumor thing, and Barrows at St. Joseph’s is excellent, if she has a choice.
I’m so, so sorry, honey.
Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help. I’m here, and I WANT to help if I CAN.
My Love,
Cheri
I’ll be thinking of your family, and your mom. My good thoughts, good vibes, and heartfelt prayers will go out to her.