It has been a hectic day at work. My phone rings, I answer and a voice says, brightly, “Mr. Jackmannii!!”
(long pause)
I love it when calls start that way. I respond with, “Yes, who’s calling?”
“It’s Bob at the Middleville Gerbilator dealership. Do you still have your 2005 Gerbilator coupe?”
Me (warily): Yes.
(Bob here starts going into an extended spiel about some automaker rep who wants to examine an airbag system from a 2005-6 Gerbilator that’s never had any work done on it, and if I bring in my car they’ll also do a free oil change. Bob is delving more deeply into the background of Gerbilators, airbags and prospects for OSU whupping New Mexico State in football, when I ask):
Me: “Is this part of a recall?”
Bob: “Why no…blah blah blah.”
I explain to Bob that I’m in the middle of something at work, and can he mail me the details. Bob says no, that I must bring in the car no later than tomorrow.
I (or Mrs. J.) need to go across town on 24 hours notice and sit around, just to get a free unscheduled oil change? I tell Bob I’ll pass but thanks for calling.
Bob says “Bye!” and slams down the phone.
What kind of wretched rude slug am I to turn down such a wonderful opportunity? Now I’ll feel guilty for at least the next 5 minutes…while also wondering if this could be some kind of obscure scam, or at least a Government Plot to get my car in so that FEMA can install a listening device.
I’m sure you meant to be facetious, but you DID fail to meet your obligations as a consumer. You were supposed to track down Bob and hit him in the head with a large rock–in the middle of the call center where he works, of course, as a warning to others.
Word. If I don’t recognize the number, or if you’re not already in my cell phone, we’re not talking until you talk to my machine. Probably not even then.
Furthermore, if I do decide your phone number looks sufficiently non-business enough for me to answer, you have precisely .3 seconds after I say “Hello?” to respond. If there is any kind of hesitation, you’re getting a <click>.
And if the response is not an immediate cogent, topical reply related to the call, expect to be insulted and hung-up upon. I don’t trade pleasantries with my mother, why should I do so with some drone on the phone?
I do have caller ID. Unfortunately I get calls from various doctors, medical offices and related personnel, some of whose numbers I do not recognize and who get pissy if they have to talk to a machine.
No problem there with my Gerbilator.
Of course there’s the odd safety feature-related issue, apart from airbags. For instance you can be subjected to sudden random lane changes on the highway if the sensors detect any other cars within 200 feet, plus the warning beeper sounds continuously if it’s raining. They say these issues should be mostly fixed with the 2012 model, so maybe I’ll trade for a new one then.
Does your trunk lid fly open when you brake hard with your left turn signal on while listening to a CD? Mine does, and I hear it is fairly common for this year.
