You guys are so old fashioned… here’s what you do in today’s world.
Get your Hubby to go out sometime while the kids are playing there, and have him say…
“Hi guys… my name is Mr. Jimmy… what’s yours? Hey, I’ve got gum… want some… I’ve always got gum, stop by anytime to get some. Can I hang around with you guys for a while… I don’t have any kids of my own, but I love children. Hey… I’ve got some really cool things on my computer if you would like to come inside and see them. Run ask your mom if it is ok to play inside my house… and maybe have a sleepover.”
End of problem. You won’t see a kid anywhere near your place again.
If you ever need a “booster shot” simply have him stand on the porch waiving to all the kids while thrusting his mid-section back and forth rythmically.
Oh, and you may want to save this post to show to the cops when they arrive… I’m sure they will understand it was all a joke.
(Clever Hans, may I have your permission to use your ideas for my next Halloween event? I’m always looking for new props. Please?)
When little Francesca from down the street toddled off with one of my skeleton’s thigh bones two Halloweens ago, my husband ran out, yelled at her and took it back. (I did tell him she was only two and he could’ve just lectured her.) She has not stolen anything since. I think that if you decide not to torture the kids, or practice witchcraft, yelling would be the third option.
My husband just suggested getting one of those invisible fences and collaring all the children.
We built a fence when all the neighbourhood kids used the lawn at this house as a shortcut. But I guess in a rental that is not an option. I used to rent a house where the neighbourhood kids thought they could come and take all the apples. It was bizarre. Day after day after day they would come back and steal them, I’d yell at them to bugger off, rinse and repeat.
I wouldn’t worry about being nice to them if one polite request is not enough. Just because they’re kids, doesn’t mean they have the right to play on your lawn. My kids stay in my yard and I’d had serious words with them if they decided to play in my neighbour’s yard.
There are these motion-detectors that set off a blast of water – hook them to your garden hose and set it up on the perimeter.
If a kid gets hurt playing in your yard, you could get sued . . . at least in the States you could get sued.
First and foremost I am sorry to bump this thread up, second
Please do, I also suggest unscrewing your door, replacing said door with a wood grain painted latex cover and when people ring your door bell either stick your face or hands into latex and scare the holy bejesus out of them.
That’s great, Hans!
Here is a big thank you kiss -
How is it going, featherlou?
manure is cheap and its great for lawns, isn’t it?
How about xeroxing and distributing into the neighborhood mailboxes a bunch of flyers that say “Sexual Offender Notification Program” and include your picture? Instantly: No more kids within a quarter mile.
I second the manure for the lawn. Non-composted manure is smellier.
If that’s out, you could just turn on the sprinkler occasionally.
I had a very strange but similar problem. I live in on the second floor in an apartment building. A couple of the neighborhood kids found it funny to climb up my fire escape and look into my window making stupid noises and funny faces. As I work at home, and sit at a desk a few feet from my window, this of course was highly disturbing. These stupid kids kept climbing up every few days for a week or so, and looked to continue indefinitely, so one night I coated all surfaces of my fire escape with a liberal amount of bear grease. It was hysterical wathcing them slip and slide, trying to stay on their feet…They were absolutely covered in the foul smelling black grease…They never returned. Case solved. Vengence was mine!
Um, I don’t know, talk to them maybe? Offer to do something nice for them if they do something nice for you. Kids can be reasonable if given the chance (yes, even the young ones).
Tell them that this Saturday is Cookie Day. If they’re good and stay off your lawn, you’ll have a surprise waiting for them. On your next trip to the store buy a box of inexpensive store brand cookies. It’s alot cheaper that a yard of manure.
I think you’d rather be known as “The nice lady who gives us treats when we behave” than “The old witch who screams and yells at us”.
I know some of you guys hate kids, but jeez. I think you forgot what it’s like to be one. Kids are people too, you know. They just need to be trained properly.
Great thing about us poor folk;
less tendency towards (overt?) racism;
too busy working to give a f*ck.
It is a great site to see Caucasian, African American, and Hispanic childern all playing together with no worries or concerns about race or color of skin.
Same goes for religion in general as well.
Of course there are the occasional white trash neighbors, but they can be dealt with easily enough.
COUGH I have a bigger stereo system COUGH
(actually it is a matter of having THREE stereo systems for their one puny one. )