Insert whatever fantastical scenario you want here, the upshot being that, for the rest of your life, whenever you crave a hamburger (okay, I’ll let the vegetarians play, too; veggie burgers are acceptable, too), you can only get one particular hamburger from one food serving establishment (be it a fast food chain, a local burger shack, a pub, a high-end steakhouse, etc.)
I’ve mulled it over, and there are so many good possibilities. I love the thick 1/2 pound Stilton burger at Goose Island brewery. The Kuma burger at Kuma’s Corner (10 oz with bacon, cheddar, fried egg, though hold the bacon for me) is a formidable entry. The In-N-Out inspired char grilled burgers at Phil’s Last Stand rank highly.
After careful consideration, I would choose In N Out’s double double animal style. Every time I’m in area that has an In N Out, I pop in, thinking that this is the time I’m going to be disappointed. That this time the burger won’t live up to my memory of the last In N Out burger I’ve had. And no matter the location whether in Southern California or Phoenix, they have never failed me. Each time I have it, it’s as good as the last. Hands down, the perfect burger. Or I should say “a” perfect burger. There are other perfect burgers, but you only get to choose one.
The In-N-Out Double Double Animal is my go-to. But if I were trying to play the system, I might go with a Fatburger with everything, then if my mood changed I could take stuff off to allow for variation. If that is cheating - the Double Double.
Steak 'n Shake Double Steakburger with Cheese, Ketchup, Mustard, and Pickles.
And an order of fries.
Fortunately there is a Steak 'n Shake within about a half mile of my house. Unfortunately they are probably responsible for more than a few of the extra pounds I carry around with me.
The turkey burger at Le Bus in Manayunk (Philadelphia).
Yeah, I eat red meat, but this is a damn fine burger – plus it comes with sweet potato fries with a vaguely ranchy dipping sauce that I loooooooooooove.
I think I’d have to go with my favorite burger at The Counter: patty, ham, swiss cheese, and fried egg. Since it’s not a fast food place I’d probably have to cut down on my burger consumption (they’re not cheap!) and I’d miss my occasional McD’s or Burger King burger, but if I only get one, that’d be it.
If I’m allowed to go with burgers from defunct places, I’d pick the CBS (Canadian Bacon and Swiss) burger from the Burger Bar at my college. That thing was about as close to perfect for me as it’s possible to get.
I choose a Big Mac. That way, when you are desperate for a different kind of burger than you chose, I will have something that you (and, most people) want and will pay for. Even beg for.
I think I’ll opt for the basic burger at Fuddruckers. Plus the full produce section for toppings, especially if they bring back their red pepper relish.
The Filthy Harry (bacon and cheddar cheese) from The Bird in Berlin. With no disrespect to all American dopers, this is the best burger place in the world. Hands down. (Well, its’s at least owned and operated by Americans, so there’s that. The waiters even talk to you in English, usually.) It’s kinda hard to get reservations less than two days in advance, even though it’s very rustic. They make their own ground beef daily, so you can order a burger medium rare, and they serve it on an English Muffin rather than a burger bun, nice and crispy! And the home-cut fries…
Okay, now you made me really sad that I won’t be in Berlin for the next six months, thanks a lot!
Diner style burger, with a big patty cooked well done, big thick slabs of raw onion, tomato, lettuce, cheddar cheese (or blue cheese) and jalapeño peppers and bacon and chili on top, on a thick wide robust kaiser-roll type bun. No catsup or other condiments.
I eat a lot of veggie burgers, but, let’s be honest, they’re not all that exciting. I recently tried the Veggie Burger #1 from Elevation Burger, and I think that’s what I’d choose for my only burger going forward. I wouldn’t be all that sad about the restriction, except that eating in other restaurants just got a little bit more complicated.
The bison burger at Chuck’s Burger Bar here in Hamilton. If I’m guaranteed those for the rest of my life, then I can give up all other options. I’ll miss that Super Sonic combo, though.
