Bathe them, feed them and comb their hair. That was the advice I received from my ancient neighbour a mother of fourteen, eleven alive. It sounds a little spartan - but as long as you’ve got the basics down you’re most of the way there. My mother used to nag me about me not making my kid go to bed until she took her for the summer. She then called me all humble and said she had adjusted to getting her own stuff done in the quiet of the early morning. A couple of my friends tried to label her as hyper active - there was nothing hyper about her - she’s just active - you’ll get to know your kid and what’s normal for them.
I don’t have kids, so can’t offer my own advice, but I will give you a snippet from a good friend who is raising two children.
Her philosophy on raising children is that she wants to raise the kinds of kids that other kids and adults like to be around. I think that’s a pretty good philosophy.
It took us ages to have a child and based on the past year (she’s just turned one), here’s the best advice I can give you for dealing with those first few hard months:
Don’t get mad at the baby. I know that sounds obvious and of course you would never get mad at a helpless infant but when it’s two o’clock in the morning and s/he won’t stop crying and you’re exhausted beyond belief and haven’t slept properly for weeks and you have to work in the morning and while changing the diaper you (and selected areas of the room) have just been sprayed with a stream of liquid shit - don’t get mad at the baby. I’ve climbed mountains and I’ve never had my self control tested like that. It’s really hard. There have been a lot of tears, only some of which were the baby’s.
Assuming that you don’t have the option of having your mother move in and do late-night changes, the best solution is to tag-team. When one parent reaches their limit, put out a hand and trade off to the other (and, conversely, always be ready to step in for the other partner).
And trust me - it gets easier.
When people second-guess you, even when you second-guess you… don’t. You do your best, never less than your best (sometimes your tired, cranky, mistaken best, but never less than your best), and there is no way anybody can do better. Don’t expect your child to be perfect, don’t expect yourself to be the first parent since sexuated reproduction was invented to do a perfect job.
Two more things:
One - get this book - this woman knows her stuff. Do not get this book - it will create stress.
Two - The worst parts of being a new parent are 12 times worse than you can imagine beforehand. The best parts are a thousand times better.
Don’t be afraid to admit when you’re wrong. It goes along with the honesty. You don’t want your kids, especially your kids, thinking you’re full of shit. You’re not, you’re just human. It’s not easy to look a six year old in the face and say “You’re right, I’m wrong”, but those moments have turned into great conversations and learning moments for me and my little man.
I laughed, because I do disagree with you - I was about to post the exact opposite! I guess it comes down to temperament, parent or child or both… and if your child has feeding problems then everything’s miserable for everyone (I was lucky in that regard). For me the newborn stage was obviously scary because I was learning everything and doing it all for the first time but I found each task was pretty easy once I’d done it. A newborn baby is just a head in a blanket. They don’t run off while you’re changing their nappy, they don’t get into stuff, they don’t have a tantrum because you say the word “No” to them. If they are crying then something’s empty, something’s full or something hurts - or it’s time to go to sleep. There are a limited number of possibilities so it doesn’t take so long to work through them. As time goes on your child adds new needs, wants and problems to the list but it’s a gradual process. I’d have been overwhelmed if my first day with her had been anything like now (16 months), but because it has been a gradual build up to now, it’s not too much to handle.
The mechanical stuff is all very easy. A nappy isn’t difficult to change and you’ll get faster and better at it every day. A bottle (if that’s how you’re feeding) isn’t difficult to make and you’ll find a routine pretty quickly that will make the process simple. Weeks 3 - 6 in the books are supposed to be the colic weeks and despite my efforts to keep the book away from her, my baby somehow knew to be colicky starting week 3 and ending week 6. At the time I felt like I was never going to sleep again but before I knew it, it was done.
Best advice: Learn your child’s tired signs, watch carefully for them and whisk him/her off to bed as soon as you see them. Things to look for:
Clenched fists
Jerky arm or head movements
Rubbing eyes, scratching or rubbing face
Pulling ears
Looking away, closing eyes, not focusing.
Sucking fingers or hands
Yawning or grimacing.
If you wait until your child starts crying, you may have already waited too long. A newborn will only be awake for about an hour at a time, so keep one eye on the clock and the other watching for the tired signs. Set up a sleep ritual early - wrap baby, sing to baby, read a book, just cuddly quietly in a room with the lights dimmed, whatever works for you - and do it every time before you put baby to bed.
You asked for one piece of advice. OK -
Every day, spend a half hour or so playing with your kid. It doesn’t have to be a big deal - a walk is fine, if they can’t walk, but spend time with the kid when you are not telling them to do something or trying to get them to stop doing something.
One of the highlights of my life was when my son was small, and I would walk in the house after work and see his face light up. Because he and I would go and - anything, play in the snow, go look for squirrels in the neighborhood, play on the swings, or just put him in the front pack and walk about the block for a bit and I would tell him about my day at work. He couldn’t talk, but he recognized the tone of voice. Not the baby voice, either - actually talk to him like a reasonable person.
Kids’ needs are simple - food, changing, and attention. Twenty minutes of goofing about with the pots and pans with Daddy costs a lot less than the stuff they advertise on TV. And once you get into it, it’s really fun.
Regards,
Shodan
PS - I lied, here’s a second piece of advice. Read to him/her, starting shortly after birth.
Some think this goes without saying - surprisingly it doesn’t. Never, ever, EVER hit your kids - no spanking, slapping, etc. It teaches them to fear you and that violence is permissible.
Read to your kids even (especially) before they are verbal. They love the attention and they come to associate reading with ‘fun’. Continue to do so and eventually read WITH them. Even if it is just you and them in a room each with your own book.
Cherish the time you spend with them - it is never enough.
Most of all, love them and protect them.
After reading the OP, the best piece of advice I can give is to start discussing how to raise the child(ren) now while you have lots of time.
I “married” into children, my SO has 3 who were aged 4, 5,and 12 when we met 4 years ago. His idea of parenting had some major differences from mine that needed to be ironed out. (When we met, the kids had no responsibilities around the house, no chores except homework. This also meant that if they made a mess, my SO would clean it up. ) Discussing things like manners, house rules, chores, punishments, praise, school, religion, etc now sounds a bit like overkill, but being on the same page is very much worth it.
My advice is to completely ignore all the advice you receive from any and every source.
I’m a late-in-life parent; my son was born when I was almost 40. Like you, I hadn’t been around kids very much, so I frantically searched for advice. I read stacks of books, asked for pointers from parents who had gotten a earlier start, accepted tips from relatives. I was desparate to be super-ultra-mega dad.
Now my son is almost 6, and I’ve found the best way to parent is just to wing it. Dealing with a person, an individual, is not something that a set of simple Step 1-through-Step 25 instructions can prepare you for. Just do what you think is best. I’m sure your child will grow up just fine.
Don’t shake the baby. 
Ok, more seriously, set boundaries and keep to them, but let them expand as the kid gets older. Don’t either let the kid run free or let them do absolutely nothing.
And good luck.
But the girls sure do!
What Shodan said! Play with your kids. Kids crave attention more than anything. It is their drug. So give it to them, in large quantities! Kids that get plenty of positive attention don’t need to seek as much negative attention, you know what I mean?
You asked for one, I’m giving a few.
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It is never a good idea to have a temper with a kid. Whether baby, toddler, kid or tweener+ the idea of screaming and yelling is a loser. Be calm, remember, when a kid is misbehaving it’s a teaching opportunity.
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See that word ‘teaching’ up there? That’s what you’re doing. You’re not ‘parenting’ or ‘raising’ or anything. You’re teaching a new person how to be a person in your specific culture and environment.
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Be honest with them when you’re making parenting decisions. Frequently I’ve told my two girls something like, “Well, see, as your dad I need to decide how something is going to work for you. You can discuss it if you want but the decision is mine and here’s why I made it.” If they can see the process they’ll respect it or try to debate you around. Smart kids are good kids.
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Give them all the freedom they can handle. They’re going to screw things up and they’ll have to fix them. Let them.
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Have a firm bedtime. They violate it within some rules. After she really had beginning reading down after first grade we allowed our older one to stay up in bed as late as she wanted as long as she was reading. Now she’s the smartest kid in class and would rather read than almost anything else.
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Don’t be dogmatic. Remember, they’re individuals and you’ll need to learn to treat them that way. What works for one won’t work for any others.
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Most importantly: remember that what you have there is a person. Treat them as intelligent people and they’ll respond well. What kids rebel against is being treated as pets or suchlike. Don’t just bark orders…ask opinions and make decisions based on their input.
Well, if I’m really limited to ONE piece of advice, then that advice is this: read AskMoxie. I can’t tell you how much confidence that site has given me as a parent, even before my son was born. Read the comments, too - there is lots of good stuff in there! Remember her tagline: YOU are the best parent for your child.
And congratulations!
Shut off the tv!
Seriously, do not expose a young child to television or, possibly more dangerous, advertising. Is it any wonder Johnny can’t focus? His room, as a child, has hundreds of stuffed toys in it. And tv was always on, an ever changing image like a flickering fire, and just as hypnotic. What if learning focus is like learning language, if you don’t get in yrs 1-5 you’ll struggle all your life.
Toddlers have ears and eyes the tv shouldn’t be on with the evening news or the Sopranos or really anything when they are about. Shut the tv off.
You asked and that’s my one piece of advice.
Two key things:
One: be consistent! I’ve always told all three of my kids “whining and having temper tantrums will never get you what you want”. In that context, ‘never’ has to mean NEVER. If whining gets the kid what they want one time out of a hundred, all the kid learns is that, sometimes, whining pays off.
Two: goes hand-in-hand with one: say what you mean and mean what you say. Sometimes it’s hard to discipline your kid. You’re busy, you’re distracted, you have to stop what you’re doing to discipline the kid, so maybe, just this one time, you don’t bother. Bad mistake. Again, the kid learns that sometimes they can get away with stuff.
Just an example on the above: yesterday, I was at our rental properties, collecting rent. One of our tenants has three young children. I think she’d like to be a good mother, but just doesn’t really know how. While I was in her apartment, one of her kids started randomly turning on the (gas) stove burners. The first time she did it, her mom said “If you do that again, you’ll go to bed”. Kid does it again. Mom says “I mean it; that’s bad; if you do it again, you’ll go to bed”. They went through this role-playing game five freakin’ times. Obviously, the kid has learned that mom doesn’t mean what she says. It’s a bad lesson to teach.
OK, I know I said two, but I’ll give you one more: if your kid asks for permission to do something, unless you have a compelling reason for saying ‘no’, the answer should be ‘yes’. I learned this one about 15 years ago, and it works beautifully for me. It helps my kids explore the world, take risks, take chances, learn limits, without them being allowed to do anything I consider too risky or dangerous.
Related to always telling the truth, always follow through. Don’t threaten or promise something you have no intention of carrying out.
Also, there are very few things that will actually harm your baby. Shaking him? Yes. Leaving him alone in the bathtub? Yes. Buying store-brand diapers? No.
And of course, just do the best you can. There will be times when you look back and see that you could have or should have done something differently, but if you were doing the best you could at the time, then there is no shame.
Older parent here; I’ll second this advice, and add some to it.
Namely, this: as a new parent, lots of people will come at you with “advice” that is (a) contradictory to other well-meaning advice; and (b) with the attitude that, if you don’t follow whatever advice they give, you are worse than Hitler - or at least a child-abusing monster.
The important thing is to not let this fluster you; listen to what people say, try various things, find what works for you, your wife and the kid.