Not writing back would be really dickish. I surprised that people are telling you to lie and say that you met someone else. That’s dickish too. One day you might answer one of her ads and you’ll really look like a prick then.
Simply tell her something like, “I have enjoyed writing you but unfortunately I tend to be attracted to a different type.” She’ll probably guess that it’s because she’s fat but I am sure that she’d prefer that to a pity date at Coffee Bean.
ETA: That’s not to say that you shouldn’t meet her and see what happens but if you know for sure, 100%, that you aren’t going to like her looks, don’t waste either of your time.
and there’s always the possibility that she posts here to and has read this thread and as soon as you tell her you met someone else she’s gonna call BS…
My advice is to be willing to be surprised. My grandmother was a tall woman, who reached her full height at 13. After all the “how’s the weather stretch” she endured through school she was only interested in dating tall men. Her ideal was “a fella who could rest his chin on my head while we danced, even if I was wearing heels”. And then she met my grandfather, who was only a few inches taller than her if they were both shoeless. They were married for 48 years. It was true love.
I also think it’s OK of her to expect a coffee date once she’s sent the photo.
If your resume says “references supplied upon request,” and the prospective employer asks for them, don’t you feel entitled to an in-person interview?
And even if you don’t get the job, don’t you feel better at least getting out and interviewing instead of sitting in your sweats plowing through monster.com?
If you’re enjoying the conversation, at least meet for coffee or something small like that. I’ve met a lot of guys from the internet that turned out to be better looking in person than they seemed in the online photo. And even if she isn’t any better looking in person, sometimes people do start to seem more attractive once you get to know them and appreciate their personality.
But if you find her absolutely repulsive and can’t stand the thought of seeing her in person, just keep the conversation going for a couple more emails and THEN say something about meeting someone else so it won’t be totally obvious that you’re rejecting her because of the picture.
She is clearly self-conscious about her looks, based on her hesitation to provide the pic in the first place. The last thing she needs is any more confirmation of her low opinion of her looks.
Rather than specifying the looks you’re interested in (I would never even reply to a guy’s ad that specified a certain weight/looks, even if I did fit his “type”), from now on just specify in your ad that you’d like to see a photo right away.
If you are only attracted to a particular type (or only unattracted to a particular type), why not put that in your profile? There’s nothing “shallow” about having preferences; we all have them.
Whatever you do, DON’T tell her you’re not attracted to her physically. You don’t have to lie…just don’t say it. You’re not her best friend. People who aren’t Extremely Close Friends should not say something like that – especially when you like her.
I think you can say the chemistry isn’t there without saying the “physical” chemistry isn’t there.
If I were into on-line dating, I don’t think I’d want to respond to ads that didn’t give a picture up front…just to avoid situations like this.