What do you do if you come across a real life friend or acquantance on the Internet? Usually it’s all good to either post or email to say, “Hey! Is that you?” What if it’s a more awkward situation?
I’ll give a few hypotheticals. What if said friend is closeted in real life, but discussing his or her homosexuality online? What if you catch a friend being unfaithful to his or her spouse, or discussing a secret that you never knew (childhood sexual abuse, a secret drug addiction).
Should you get in touch with the friend to remind him or her that, after all, these words are appearing in public? Should you go away and not check back?
If you do check back without getting in touch with your friend…is it spying? Is it the equivalent of going through dresser drawers or hacking into an email account? After all, said friend is posting on a public message board, online journal, or chat room for all the world to see. Do normal expectations of privacy cover this?
I think the answer is exactly the same if you found out secrets about someone in real life, e.g. you saw your closeted friend in a gay bar making out with some guy, or your unfaithful friend pulling into a motel parking lot with his girlfriend. Should you tell them? I don’t know – it depends on the relationship and the circumstances. Is it spying to keep watching them? I’d say yes, just as it would be spying to park in the aforementioned motel parking lot every night for the next month to see when they come back.
It’s not as bad as tapping their phone or hacking their email, but it’s still spying. People don’t have an expectation of privacy in public, but once you start following someone around it’s spying, even if it’s exclusively in public areas.
While I don’t restrict my musings here, or elsewhere on the 'net, to things I want everyone I know to see, I do restrict my posting to stuff that I could survive being made known to friends and associates.
After you’ve been on the internet for a good bit, and particularly if you participate on a board like this with some frequency, your anonymity is quite likely compromised.
Giraffe seems to have a good handle on it - the parking lot stakeout is a terrific analogy!
People are entitled to private lives. However, as a friend, you might want to find a subtle way to let the friend know that his or her slip is showing. After all, if you can spot 'em, it seems likely that someone less friendly might also be able to connect the dots. Do, though, be sure you know what you think you know. It’s not at all uncommon for people to lift a little from friends or neighbors. A woman I know, and no longer have anything to do with, once used many specific details from my life and the trails of a former roommate for her online persona. (No one, I don’t think, ever made the connection. A roommate snooping on her computer discovered this.)