Ooooh! I Bet Jesus is Gonna be PISSED!

Man arrested for trying to steal communion wafers.

Wonder what that 911 call was like?

I just read this on another forum. The mental image of a bunch of outraged catholic senior citizens cornering the guy is hilarious to me. Someone should have told the guy that the wafers taste awful and stick to the roof of your mouth. I was sure that they were made of cardboard as a kid.

I wonder what on earth (or in heaven) he was thinking???
“Mmmmm… yummy cardboard taste… must have MORE!!!”.

More seriously, I wouldn’t be surprised to hear the fellow has a long history of mental illness. It’s honestly the only thing that could explain the behavior.

“You know what, fuck you man, I’m not going on any of your so-called scavenger hunts anymore.”

“It was the vampires Officer ! You can’t fight vampires without holy objects ! You see, here are the bullets I was going to hollow out and fill up with the wafers, I even cut crosses on the tips . . . why you looking at me like that ?”

“I got Jesus right here! Hand over all the money, or the Lord gets it!”

Shouldn’t they taste like meat?

I loved those things and would gladly have eaten them by the dozens (hell, it was about the only thing I liked about church). I always wished I could buy unblessed (is that the right word?) wafers to snack on.

Yeah, but meat wouldn’t last very long in that little safe where they keep them. They could have at least used potato chips and made it worthwhile. The nuns threatened us with doom and destruction if we chewed them so you had to let them melt off the roof of your mouth. . By the time that I could pronounce transmogrification I was already an atheist. They didn’t give us wine back then either.

Here, knock your socks off.

And no, they don’t taste like meat because Jesus was very ashy and dry.

The word you’re looking for is “consecrated.” They only turn into Jesus after they’re consecrated.

There was an incident a while back were a college student held a consecrated host hostage, wanting his college to stop allowing or subsidizing religious services. It was taken very seriously by the Church.

The man in this instance looks drunk or mentally ill.

Karyn - The word is “transubstantiation.”


I always thought the wafers were like styrofoam.

When I was an altar boy (from which I escaped safely, I only did it because we had really cool trips - baseball, hockey games, stuff like that), a few of once found the locked cabinet open, took a bunch of boxes and hid them in secret places all over the church. You think those things turn moldy?

Growing up in the Baptist church, we used oyster crackers. At least they had some kind of flavor. And they go well in chili. :slight_smile:

Yep - sorry about that. I just googled it and there are at least 20 hits that use the right word for every one that gets it wrong like I did. My only excuse is that I stopped paying attention to the nuns when I was about 6. Other than a few weddings and funerals I haven’t been in a church in over 30 years.

Way to put us on the map, big guy. :smack:

As a Floridian, I think I’m allowed to say that I’m not surprised that such a bizarre event would happen in this state.

The best part of that site is the second comment: “I’ve had better.”

Here’s a college prof who, I’m sure, is just as mentally ill as the guy in the OP.