Open (fake) Spoilers!

Based off an old thread. Post what you think should have been the ending, wacky stuff…anything!

In Titanic, Jack and Rose get married and live happily ever after.

In X-Men The Last Stand, Magneto doesn’t abandon Mystique when she takes a bullet for him. Seriously, what the hell?

“Rosebud” was the name of his nurse.

Chazz Palmentieri is Keyser Sose. He murders Verbal Kint in order to hide his secret.

Haley Joel Osmont sees dead people because he is dead already.

In The Dark Knight “monk scene,” the mysterious robed “raven-haired woman” (as named in the credits) who’d kept popping up in the film implicitly kills the Joker in his padded cell. When Gordon’s team tries to stop her escape from Arkham, she says “I did what you couldn’t…what he wouldn’t,” before hammering out a reinforced window with one arm, and diving through—and deflecting the police gunfire with the flashes of a gilded vambrace on her free arm…
Hey, not what should have been the ending, really, but like there isn’t a soul here who wouldn’t have gone to see that. :smiley:

(Also, it took me about 10 seconds to think that up. Longer to type it.)

Charlton Heston finds a half-buried Statue of a Livery. *Oh my God **they *have tacky racist lawn ornaments too!

In Titanic, the ship doesn’t sink.

In Murder on the Orient Express, the butler did it.

“Luke, I am your uncle on your mother’s side.”

Dorothy returns home to find Aunt Em and Uncle Henry were killed by the twister. Elvira Gulch gets custody.

In Wall-e, the titular robot, along with Eve, become disillusioned with the fat, complacent humans. After arranging with Otto to keep the ship away, the two robots take some parts and some other robots and form their own robot colony on the husk that was Earth.

Spoiler for book version of Planet of the Apes: The original novel ended with a somewhat similar idea. :slight_smile:

Buffy the Vampire Slayer:

Buffy is cut down and mortally wounded during the final battle with the uber-vamps. The First Evil is able to move forward with what was its plan all along: When Spike activates the amulet (which was provided by Wolfram and Hart, sheesh, how stupid were they to even consider using it?), the mystical energies released by the closing hellmouth and the sacrifice of all those uber-vamps allow the First to become corporeal by possessing Buffy’s body. Thanks to Willow’s mass-activation spell, The First is now Slayer Prime, in charge of an army of Slayers…

Buffy sees this all with her dying breath as the First Evil kicks her soul out of her body, and she goes onto her final reward…

Buffy then wakes up and finds she’s still in that mental institution seen in “Normal Again”.

Not my original idea, sad to say. It’s the beginning of one of the best post-Chosen fanfics I’ve ever read. :slight_smile:

*** Ponder

The Jaunt:

Dude, the Grateful Dead played Fire on the Mountain. The flight crew was topless. All drinks were comped.

SSG Schwartz


As the Orca is sinking, the chief hugs the scuba tank, shoots it, and explodes rather than face the shark.

To Serve Man - it’s a book about using humans as* tennis balls*!


Moby Dick : An early porn novel, focusing on the sexual adventures of Captain Ahab, the man with the largest penis in the world. He’s always eager to show women his “white whale”.

Rick shoots Ilsa and Victor to mollify Major Strasser then leaves Casablanca with his “special friend,” Captain Renault.