Open Letter to the Suckwad Who Stole My Husband's Bicycle

The BBQ Pit
1

Dear Asswipe:

I hope you enjoy your new bicycle. It used to belong to my husband.

I bought it for him last year, as a Father’s Day gift. He’d been talking about how much he missed bicycling, and that’s what gave me the idea to get it for him. Of course, I had to take him with me to buy it, so that he could try it out & make sure it fit and all, but damn, he was happy.

He and his son always ride their bikes together, whenever his son is here for a visit. Just the two of them, cruising around, spending some real quality time together. But that won’t be happening for a while. See, we’re hurting for cash right now, and I just can’t get him a new one. So you didn’t just steal a bike–you stole one of their favorite ways to bond.

My husband is also clinically depressed. But the exercise he got after a nice ride always made him feel better. Lifted his spirits, made everything look a little less dark, you know? Well, no, you probably don’t. You’re obviously the sort that just doesn’t give a shit about anyone but yourself.

I know, I know–the bike wasn’t locked up. But dammit, that doesn’t give you the right to just walk up on to my property–my property! Do you know how raped I feel now?–and take something that does not belong to you! What on this earth made you think you could do something like that?

Oh wait–I know what made you think you could get away with it. I almost forgot–you left the bike you had been riding in exchange. Yes, you did. You stopped at my house, stole my husband’s bike, and left another one in exchange. As if we wouldn’t notice. As if that would make us just say “Oh wow! What a considerate thief! How nice of him/her to not leave us bikeless! Oh, I guess we can forgive this one transgression.”

Well guess what, fuckmonkey? That bike you left is on our front lawn. My husband won’t even look at it. You know why? Because it’s not his, that’s why. It’s similar in size and style, but it’s not his bike, and he won’t ride it. Just like the bike you’re cruising around on right now isn’t yours, dickweed.

He’s gunning for your sorry ass now, pal. All I have left to say is Goddess help you if he ever catches you out on his wheels. You’ll wish you’d never been born.

2

sing, perse, preach it.

Been there.

3

What a jerk

I hope the hubby does catch him, dammit.

4

Sorry for your loss. I doubt this will make you feel better, but chances are the shithead who stole the bike probably dumped it off or “traded it in” for another one by now. I’ve been to a few community safety seminars where cops said to be sure our bikes were registered or otherwise labelled – because the police come across abandoned bikes all the time, and could only return them if they were registered (thieves apparently like to just joyride…especially since it’s usually kids stealing bikes; kids have a hard time explaining new wheels to their parents and so just ditch them). Check with the local cops to see if they have a program in place.

My advice: have as much fun with the new bike as you can, or (if you can’t stomach that idea) just sell it and use the funds to buy a “new” used one for your hubby.

5

Man, now I feel bad about the bike stealing I did in my teens - and I didn’t even bother providing a replacement!

6

What is it with people today? Why does Persephone have to feel it’s her fault the bike was stolen, just becuase it was not locked up? Or, perhaps, a woman feels it’s her fault she was raped becuase she was pretty? It’s as if crime is so accepted nowadays it’s your fault that you were crimed-upon. Damn, people make me sick.

7

Thanks, friends.

You know what, though? When I typed that post, I cared. Having someone come on to my property and take something from me and mine was awful, at the time. I was crushed.

But now, after the events of the day, petty shit like a stolen bike just doesn’t matter anymore.

A few days ago, we lost a bicycle. This morning, thousands of people lost their lives, and thousands more are suffering the loss of loved ones.

I just can’t bring myself even be angry about the bike any more. I just can’t.