MINE: a pronoun, used with a single or plural verb, you FUCKING SLUMBITCH

The BBQ Pit
1

**1:**So, fuckshoe, hows my fucking BIKE riding nowadays? It musta been tough riding away from the corner you nicked it at, it having no front wheel and all. I bought that bike the DAY BEFORE you stole it, how is that for irony? Laughing were you, when you walked off wheeling it ahead of you on its back tire? It was an entire year of dithering and waiting for the perfect bike to come along, a month of worrying someone else would buy it first, and a single day of unmitigated bliss knowing that i had my bike at last. I hope you forget how to breath, It would bring me intense, hot, satisfaction. Of course before you die, I’d hope you’d have the moxi to GIVE IT BACK YOU you gnat balled, needle pricked, poofy bloody useless bed pan licker.

** 2:To all the people who watched this fuckwad steal my bike, (and there were LOTS OF YOU) i’d curse you with something simple, sweet even. I would chose one thing: a cherished desire or a favorite food maybe. Whatever it was it would be basic and integral to your nature, something you think of at least once a day and then i would have it that a wave of nausea, incredible in it’s magnitude, should sweep over you whenever you thought of it. You would run to the bathroom or nearest receptacle and find you could not vomit. No, just that horrible unending wave of queasiness, for at least ten minutes…or more: depending on how long you stood idly watching the person who was busily wrenching the frame of my bright mint green bike out of the u-lock in the front tire. I understand that my bike meant exactly nothing to you but what about your licence to be considered a human being? I find it hard to belive that on a busy day in downtown Baltimore, on charles street, at ** two pm on a friday fucking afternoon** people unerringly failed to notice someone calmly walking a bike away from its still locked up front wheel.

GOD DAMNNIT I WANT THIS BIKE BACK I LOVED IT AND I WAS SO FUCKING HAPPY WHEN I BOUGHT IT. It’s nothing special in any way except in that it made me very very happy. If any dopers living in the baltimore area notice an aqua/mint green miyata elevation 150, sized for a petite woman. with quick release everything and a old slightly rusty black back rack put on with a motley crew of odd length screws please email me! If you work in a bike shop and a bike fitting that description just happens to drift through give it a once over for me! The front tire would be terribly new compared to the back, or maybe a thief stupid beyond words would have brought it in to get a front tire fitted to it. There is a police report logged with the bike’s description, surely there must be something. some action you can take if you suspect a bike is stolen. either way EMAIL ME AT: RitteriAnemone@hotmail.com

2

I’m really, really sorry. I know how you feel. My bike was stolen a few months ago by some fuck in Paterson, NJ.

I think maiming is the answer to thievery. You get your hand cut off, you won’t steal any f-ing more bikes. Because it takes 2 hands to steal the damn thing. If I had only had the pleasure of catching the bastard while he was at it…

3

Not to sound unsympathetic, as I believe bike thieves to be the scum of the earth, but this is why you should always lock the bike through the frame, not the wheel.

4

I was right on the verge of being late for an interview. I thought i had put my lock through the down bar and the front fork of the wheel but i was rushing. :smack: sigh

5

My husband’s bike was once stolen from in front of a store where he was buying some neccessities. He was only riding his bike to the store because our car had been reposessed THAT VERY DAY. sigh

6

I’m so sorry about your bike.

I’m not sure if this is an option for you BUT I had a bike stolen about a week after I purchased it. I had purchased it with (commercial voice) my visa, which had a buyer’s protection sort of thing. I had to fill out a police report and a very long form, but Citibank paid me the price of the bike.

Having said that, I hope you get your old bike back. Good luck.

7

My shitty story comes from two years ago. Having cycled into town to meet some friends for a coffee I’d locked my bike up to a fairly substantial railing. It was on a busy enough street, lots of people round.

When I came back, it was obvious someone had attempted to steal it. There were hack saw marks on the railings and the u lock. Obviously frustrated at his lack of success, the fuck had then cut a two mill deep groove into the frame itself. For sheer pettiness, it was hard to beat.

I was lucky enough that my insurance covered it, but that particular frame was discontinued by then, and it just seemed a real shame of a fate for what had been a sweet handling bike.

8

You have my condolences.

RIP your bike.

9

thank you for your support guys. Tomorrow i am going out to canvas all the pawn shops downtown, wish me luck!

10

So sorry about your bike. Have you called all the bike shops in town to alert them to be on the lookout for anyone seeking a tire or repairs? Wouldn’t hurt…the police probably won’t be doing that for you.

11

So sorry about your bike. Have you called all the bike shops in town to alert them to be on the lookout for anyone seeking a tire or repairs? Wouldn’t hurt…the police probably won’t be doing that for you.