Open mouth, insert foot...

[Sunshine]

Ever feel like a big ol’ heel? Say something tactless you wish you could take back? I do! All the time! Here’s an example of my own personal foot-in-mouth disease:

I’m with a friend of mine at a bar, when a guy we both know walks up to us. The guy looks like hell–he has two black eyes, one is swollen shut, he has a cast on one arm and one leg, a big bandage on his face and is covered all over with cuts and bruises. (Don’t ask me WHY this guy was out at the bars in this condition.)

He says hi to us, and what do I say? No, nothing compassionate, not even ‘OMG, what happened?!’
Instead, I mockingly say “Geez, what, did you get run over by a bus?!” (laughter ensues)

And the guy says, “Uh, no, actually, it was a van.” (laughter stops…sounds of crickets chirping starts)

I felt about [sub]this[/sub] big.

Please tell me I’m not alone. Please tell me other people sometimes lose control of their mouths!

[Balance]

Sadly, the cricket intro would also have marked the point where I started laughing. I would undoubtedly have felt bad about laughing, but his response was funny, damnit!

I don’t have any anecdotes of my own to relate, offhand, but that’s only because I’ve learned to keep my mouth firmly shut except among friends who overlook the things I say.

[Serendipity]

A bunch of years back, my little sister’s best friend Allison was introducing my mom to her stepmother, Cindy, for the first time. Allison is like a part of the family – she even sleeps in my room when I’m away at school – so under any other circumstances saying, “This is Mrs. T – she’s like my second mom” would have been OK. However, after realizing that Stepmom Cindy was probably offended, Allison back-pedaled by saying, “Or third, or fourth… I mean, I just have so many!” That’s my girl.