Open Water 2: Morons in the Water (Spoilers)

Cafe Society
1

This was truly the stupidest movie I’ve ever seen. And that’s not even a comment on the acting, just the plot.

7 people (6 adults and one baby) set out on a yacht for a day of sailing. Everyone except for the mother decide to go for a swim. Mom has a deadly fear of water because of some very vaguely alluded to swimming accident she had when she was a kid. Mom leaves the baby below deck to take a nap. Mom is then promptly thrown overboard by the owner of the yacht and goes into some sort of shock-fugue state from fright. Meanwhile, the owner of the yacht (Eric Dane aka McSteamy from Grey’s), suddenly realizes what an ass he is and also that he’s forgotten to lower the ladder so they can all get back onboard.

Oops.

Remember that the baby is still on the boat–now completely alone. All of the morons take turns jumping pointlessly at the side of the boat trying to reach the rails all the while bickering and whining at each other. Then they try to make a rope of their bathing suits which fails miserably. Fast-forward 45 minutes and They’ve thrown away a working cell phone and lost their bathing suit rope. One guy has given himself a skull fracture, another has been stabbed with a knife and is dying, one of the girls has wandered away from the group and drowned and another girl has swam away to find help.

:smack: I’m surprised any of them have made it to adulthood without killing or seriously injuring themselves with paper cuts or something.

In all this time it hasn’t occurred to any of them to either a.) Use the knife to create a handhold to boost themselves up b.) Try to toss the lightest person upward to try and grab the railings c.) Use the knife to pry open the hatch on the side of the boat d.) Use the giant inflatable floaty pool toy they have to make another rope or e.) Take turns using the one lifejacket they have between them.

Thankfully, by the end of the movie they’ve all managed to kill themselves off except for the mother who does finally make it back to the poor kid

And did I mention this movie was “based on true events”? :eek:

2

Couple months late. Check out this thread, post 25.

Um… broken heads and stabby stabby does sound pretty stupid, though. And why would they go swimming with their cellphones?

3

Actually, that’s exactly what one character tried to do before Douchey McAsshole accidentally stabs him because he didn’t want his boat scuffed.

Also, it’s a bad idea when making a movie like this to spend the first twenty minutes of it establishing what truly hateful, shallow bastards they all are.

4

[Also, it’s a bad idea when making a movie like this to spend the first twenty minutes of it establishing what truly hateful, shallow bastards they all are.
[/QUOTE]

If I can hijack this thread for a minute, that was my complaint with the Blair Witch Project. The main characters were such creeps and cretins I kept wishing they would all get killed right away and some more sympathetic characters would take center screen. I was disgusted when I realized that they were in fact the main characters in the movie. I started pulling for the witch.