OK Kiddies sit quietly on your mats and listen to Opengrave OK? Thanks. Now, children you know I normally listen to Heavy Metal Saturday thru Thursday and reserve Friday for Punk but this afternoon I’m going to do something a little different. Mr Opengrave wants each of you tell me how you feel today and then I’ll suggest something good for you to listen to. You just hop up here - sit on my lap just like a big-ole-Santa Clause and I’ll tell you what you need to cheer your little spirit right up m-kay? Ok who wants to be first - sit up here and tell me how you feel.
[sub]well, okay mr. opengrave. mommy says I can do it[/sub]
I’m feeling pensive. Got a whole weekend ahead of me and a long list of chores around the house. Doesn’t look like a lot of time for doping, and that has me concerned. What should I have in my CD player?
Now pcubed I don’t want you to let those nasty emotions run away with you - to scare away any bad thought and get your energy level up you definitely need a healthy dose of Slayer. Those driving beats and ghastly screams will keep your feet a pitter-pattering all weekend long. Seasons in the Abyss or Reign in Blood will probably best for you. The verse I want you to carry in your happy little heart today is “Modulistic terror, A vast sadistic feast, There’s only one way out of here, Piece by piece”. Now run along, and don’t forget to wash your hands.
[sub]'denk yu[/sub]
I have a long drive (2 hours) tomorrow to go to a friend’s wedding (leaving early in the morning), and I want to stay awake on the way there, but be able to deal with a hangover on the way back Sunday afternoon (someone else is driving back).
What do you recommend?
Musically, of course. I already am, stocked up on the Advil and cold packs.
Well there - a hangover is a little rough but I’ve got just the thing. You need a little Sentenced. They have got the speed to keep you awake, the heaviness to blast that mean ole hangover right out of your head, and anough rythm to keep you smiling and singing the whole two hours. I suggest Amok, Down, and Frozen and make sure you play then in that order OK?
Your verse to remember is “I’ll drink the booze to depress myself, then I take the rope and express myself, I’ll leave this world without shedding a tear, without hope, without fear. Yeah, I think I’ll put my head into the Noose and let it all go…and so I will Oh yeah, I will”.
Now you have been really good today - don’t forget to tell your mommy you can pick up a sucker from the can by the door.
Opengrave, I feel like ass.
After working my butt off in my office all day to finish something by 4 PM, I found that the person who insisted that I finish this project right away got tired of waiting and decided to bail early for the Hamptons. So right about now, I’m feeling somewhat violent.
I’ll be driving down the Long Island Expressway in about 3 hours, and I’d like you to recommend something for me that will calm me down and make me less likely to be overcome by road rage. It would be unfortunate if I encountered some greasy high school kid in a Mustang and he provoked me into breaking his skull with a tire iron and leaving his body for the ants.
Thank you.
THespos I know things can be really hard. The best thing for you right now is some down and dirty, clearly focused voilence. Six Feet Under will help you get rid of those messy feelings of anger and rage. With lyrics like “I’ve got to get the blood flowing, Just a bit of guts and gore, Indulgence in the blood of freaks, Take another dose of the bloodlust, To rip apart and shred the dead, Teeth stuck in – another victim, Blood bath – I’m gonna kill again, I am the walking dead, Concentrated hate and fear and pain, Inside of me the same” you can be assured that these bad feelings happen to everyone and that your emotions are perfectly normal.
This should immediately be followed by some nice mellow Katatonia. Their morose lyrics and droning guitars will take that nasty edge off in no time. You will feel tranquil and relaxed. I’ll make a note that you had a bad today - maybe Monday you can be Opengrave’s special helper and take the milk money to the office for me. I hope you have a better day sweetie.
Dear Opengrave,
I just started working for a huge Japanese multinational corporation and I can’t help feeling that my life is winding down forever. Being a cog in a big wheel was definitely not in my career plan. During the period of unemployment that preceeded my hiring, I got used to going out until 4 or 5 A.M. not so much to drink or get high, but to get my ya-yas out and play air guitar and thrash to loud music.
I feel I haven’t had enough fun in my life yet.
It’s Friday night, and I’ll probably be in bed by midnight whereas before I’d be in the shower getting ready to go out at that time.
You know how karatekas break boards? Tonight I had the feeling that I could take a running start and fly headfirst through an interior plasterboard wall. I was visualizing where the studs and wiring were and I became quite convinced that I could do it. Cleanly.
Is there anything that I might listen to which would help me accept that this world wasn’t made just for me, and to be grateful for the good times I’ve had?