Some background information. My girlfriend and I live together. We have a house and community bank accounts. We’ve been together for 5 years and are doing fine.
The problem: Her 24 year old son, who lives across the country on his own is getting married. He has requested that I (and his father’s girlfriend) not attend. He says that this day is about them and that they only want people close to them to attend. Of course this is BS since the spouses of half the people there will not be “close”. This is devastating to my GF but she is honoring his request. I am not going but feel it was wrong of him to disrespect his mother’s feelings in this matter.
Given there have been no issues between he and I until now, is it acceptable to un-invite one’s family’s partners?
Personally, I think it is rude as hell. I wonder what it is about getting married that makes some people throw all manners and consideration for others out the window?
Yes, it’s “your” day - which will be forever remembered as the day you hurt people’s feelings. Nice way to build memories, there.
You get extra credit bonus points for your kind flexibility. Her son is being a bit jerkish. I’d chalk the son’s request up to ‘budget constraints’ since he’s a youngster and be graceful about it.
I’m going to the wedding of a coworker’s daughter soon. Our families are somewhat friendly and have taken a couple of trips together over the years, but I cleared it with my family first for DH and the kids to decline the wedding invitation and I’ll be attending just by myself. There were a couple of reasons why I didn’t think DH and the kids should attend and one of them was out of consideration to my friend, her daughter, and their budget, which is not large.
How sad for your girlfriend. I’m afraid I wouldn’t have been so accomodating to my selfish, jerkish son. I’m sure your girlfriend didn’t raise him to be an asshole so I’m assuming he’s simply choosing to be one. I would have told him to have a great wedding and that if my current partner isn’t welcome, then I’ll have to decline his invitation. We came perilously close to telling my own (step)son this very thing last fall when he was marrying Bridezilla. I could decline the invitation with a clear conscience.
It would be interesting to see how Dad and his current partner are going to handle this. Perhaps this young man could use a lesson in manners … if both of his parents would teach him some.
I would never dream of not inviting my father’s girlfriend. It would be so unkind and wrong. I’m sorry your GF’s son is chosing to do this to you. I wonder what is behind this? It’s not your place to ask, but if I were your GF, there’d be some hard questions asked about what the hell his problem was.
As far as I know the father doesn’t want to take his partner. I have a suspicion he’s fuelling this fire for that reason.
And as I understand it, there will be over hundred guests. I’m most frustrated at the hurt of my girlfriend. She’s a good person and doesn’t deserve this.
You’re right, Ruby, he became one all on his own.
How is this kid going to look you in the eye the next time you see him, and the time after that, and the time after that? Does he think you are going to disappear? Does he think you are going to forget? Plus, he is putting his future bride in the middle of an embarrassing situation when she finally meets you. I would say, “I saw pictures of your wedding and you looked quite beautiful.” and let the little bastard son squirm.
And should you and girlfriend ever do get married, how fucking awkward is that going to be?
The kid is a rude prick, and an idiot who obviously doesn’t think things out too far in advance.
In past threads about wedding invitations, the consenus was always that whomever is invited is the only one invited; simply being someone’s longtime SO or other relation wasn’t enough for an automatic invitation. “It’s how the bride and groom want it” was the accepted reasoning for selective invitations. We have always (rightly) felt that the people getting married are the only ones with any say on the matter.
So as much as I sympathize with the OP, I can’t agree with him. Your girlfriend’s son has the right to invite whomever he wants to his wedding. I have way of knowing what’s in his mind, but it seems to me he wants his parents there, not his parents and their new partners. It may be a mistake, but it’s his to make.
If I were you, I’d respect my girlfriend’s choice to respect his decision. By showing your displeasure, you’d make an awkward situation uglier.
I understand what you’re saying, but how, then, should the OP conduct himself in the future, with his SO’s stepson?
I’ve always heard “It’s what the bride and groom want” in the context of a guest stating that they would not attend if certain other people were invited. The answer is, as you say, that they should invite whom they want. But since it seems pretty clear from my POV that two different people have been told that the B&G don’t like them. Are they obligated, the next time they see these people, to SAAN, because otherwise, they would be the ones causing problems?