For donating $1000 dollars your request sounds completely reasonable, and you were polite and non-demanding about it which is the main thing.
In fact if the developers are relying on public donations they should be suitably grateful for any money they get. They don’t need to bend over backwards but a little mutual accomodation is always the best means resolve things.
But then I subscribe to the Bill and Ted motto regarding life, “Be excellent to each other.” 
So what, you asked for sallow and they made it pasty?
Nope, I asked for British Caucasian and got a very nice shade of light brown. He actually turned out looking really neat–not at all right for what my character looks like, but as a kind of scary-crazy mob boss type character, he’s way cool. I’m looking forward to seeing what they end up doing with him in the game.
Oh, so do I. 
That’s pretty much my philosophy of life (at least I try to make it so, though some of the more frustrating people in the world make that difficult sometimes!)
And no, I totally don’t expect them to accommodate me. I consider it a favor that they agreed to change the name, and I’m grateful for it. This particular Kickstarter was wildly successful, so they’d be fine even without my donation.
Update: I just got an email today, totally unsolicited and unexpected, saying that they actually do have the time to redo the portrait. They told me to be detailed, send photo references, and “don’t be shy.”
Did I mention these guys are awesome? 
I would never have asked them to do that. But now that they’ve volunteered, I’m going to do what they say, and send them plenty of good solid references instead of a sketchy description. I’m so happy! Unexpected second chances are wonderful!
Yes, more info is better with art commissions. If you have ANY visual references, send those as well. I mean, there’s a point where you can get TOO detailed (the second finger on his left hand is slightly longer than the third finger, and his hair is exactly 5.4 inches long, with 30% grey), but more info is usually better. If you ever plan on having any more art done of your character, I’d suggest investing in a character reference sheet. You can usually find those for well under $100 from very good artists.
Glad you are getting your second chance!
The reason it seems out of line is that you should have donated that $1000 out of the bottom of your heart desire to see the game get made. It’s nice that these kickstarters give out bonuses to people who donate, but when I’ve donated to kickstarter projects, I always decline the bonuses myself. I think it’s fine if other people want them.
That being said, the stipulations of the bonus were very clear. You knew what the bonus was: an NPC with YOUR face, a photo of you that they could make a skin/model from. To go on and then request that they do something special outside of that is bordering on unpolite. The way I see it is, if you donate the $1000 level and don’t want the bonus, then just tell them you don’t want it. Don’t make some special request.
Then, to go ahead and do that, have them acquiesce to your new request, and be unhappy with the results and not wanting “your name” tied to the product just smacks of elitism or self-centeredness to me. It comes off as very entitled “I spent this $1000 and I’m going to get the results I want or nothing at all!” It just seems petulant to me.
But anyhow, that’s just my opinion. It sounds like you were polite and well-meaning. And the developer was more than happy to work with you and make sure your donation was well appreciated by going back to what you wanted a 2nd or 3rd time instead of the regularly-promised bonus. So it looks like everybody wins.
Just to clarify:
That’s not what the bonus writeup said. It said “We’ll use YOUR IMAGE to create an NPC character for the game.” Those words “your image” were ambiguous and didn’t necessarily imply that it was the face of the backer, but could possibly be an image that the backer provided. I asked them about this before the Kickstarter closed, and they said that I could provide a description of a character, rather than my own personal image.
Also, this isn’t a skin or model. It’s a portrait. I think the actual NPC will be small enough that not a lot of detail will show up in the game. Think more of an old-school game, rather than an MMO.
If it were like that, then I’d agree. But I was polite all the way through, and my position was always, ‘I’d really like it if you could do this, but if you can’t, I completely understand.’ My mama always taught me that those who don’t ask, don’t get. There are ways to ask for things without coming across as a twit. Tact and diplomacy have always been things I’m good at.
Like I said before, I really don’t think this is about my donation. They made plenty of money over what they were asking for, and I was happy to contribute to the game’s success. They’re just cool folks in general, and I’m grateful that they decided to let me have a do-over. I never would have expected or asked for it. Changing a name is easy. Changing art isn’t.
Oh undoubtably, but then I also divide the world into two groups of people, ‘Jerks’ and ‘Not-Jerks’ on an equal opportunity basis, I’ll go out of my way to help people in the latter bracket because I try to be a good guy, however as the first group quickly learn and in the famous words of Ash from The Evil Dead, “I ain’t that good.”* 
I admit that the whole Kickstarter thing was a new word to me so I had to go and look it up. I still don’t see why people are getting bent out of shape about what you did. If someone gave me $1000 dollars for a creative project I’d be fairly accomodating for them.
As long as they weren’t being a jerk. (see above)
HAHAHA, considering what I think the game is, that would be hilarious!
Fish fish fish fish fish…
When I first read your OP I thought you were being whiny, having assumed you donated something like $20. When I read you’d donated $1,000, I jumped back to your side and felt that you would’ve been justified in getting pissed at them and was impressed that you didn’t. Now I’m impressed with you and the developers. Happy endings are cool.
Haha! No, I would never get pissed at them, no matter how much or how little money I’d donated. I consider myself completely in the wrong for not giving them a clear enough description, so if they couldn’t accommodate my request, I’d have chalked it up to “okay, fair enough–I’ll just have to remember to be clearer next time.” I like these folks, know at least one of them personally (albeit somewhat tangentially, in a “he recognizes me at cons and probably recognizes my name” sort of way), and there’s more than a zero chance that I might be able to do some writing for them in the future (I’m already contributing to a fiction project related to the game). So “pissed” didn’t even enter my mind at any point (except at myself for being such a dodo and failing at Character Description 101. :P)
I’m glad the devs are being cool about this.
Isn’t it always nice when extra chances turn up unexpected? I hope the re-do is much more satisfying for you!
So, update: Through a friend who has contacts in high places, I was able to get a look at my new portrait tonight. He sent me an IM out of the blue, saying “Your backer portrait looks really cool!” So of course I asked him to send me a screenshot. Nervously I opened the email. And…
…my backer portrait looks really cool! They got it right this time! I’m so happy with it. Now I just have to keep pretending I haven’t seen it yet till they send me the “official” version and I can fall all over myself telling them what a fantastic job they did.