Our new puppy is not minding my wife

I wanted to get people’s input on an issue we’re having with our new dog. We got Bartleby when he was 8 weeks old, he’s about 4.5 months old now. I pretty much trained him and work with him about 20 minutes a day. My wife was out of town for about 10 days and that’s when me and Bartleby really bonded. He’s pretty much right next to me when I’m home.

He’s a sweet puppy, but a bit mischievous. One of his ways of getting attention is to grab something he knows he’s not supposed to have and then try to get you to chase him (a piece of clothing, a shoe, whatever he can grab). When I tell him to drop something he pretty much does, right away. It’s almost like a reflex action, “drop it!” and boom it hits the floor.

With my wife he just doesn’t listen, he also doesn’t really come when she calls. He loves her, but he’s not listening to her in the same way. Some of it is teaching my wife how to interact with dogs. When I scold, I also praise when he complies. She’s more of a cat person. My wife gets frustrated and kind of just gives up when he doesn’t comply or tells me to get him to comply.

Anyone have this problem with their dogs? Any advice on how to nip this in the bud?

Your dog thinks you are the leader in your household and so he doesn’t have to obey your wife.

Your wife reinforces this impression, by not having consequences when she is disobeyed, and by asking you to give the dog commands.

The remedy is to get your wife more involved in training, and for her to learn how to do it.

Do you mind your wife and follow her instructions? Are you setting a good example?

I am not being snarky. Have your wife give you commands while your dog is with you. “Monk, come here!” Go there and the dog will follow you. “Outside!” Go outside and your dog should follow you. Just some examples. Play with the dog, then have your wife tell you both, “No!” and stop what you are doing. Wife’s commands should be firm but not angry. Unless the dog is too young or just an idiot it should learn to pay attention to your wife. Right now you and the dog have bonded and what the dog wants is to please you. He does not yet see the need to please your wife.

We got our Papillon as a baby, and he is 5 now. He has grown up a lot and is not the handful he was at 6 months.

One of the best training we did with him was “leave it and take it”. We would put a treat in front of Sable and tell him to leave it. As he went for it we would mildly restrain him. When he didn’t go for it we would take it away, and them reward him with a different treat. My wife and I both did the training and it did not take long.

The purpose of the training was for his safety. If we ever accidentally drop something he shouldn’t have, like a tylenol or something else dangerous, “leave it” will keep him from eating it. The training helps us all communicate better with each other. Another safety measure is an arm movement that he can see from a distance which puts him in the down position. It could save him if he runs away near traffic.

As far as “come” goes, we have never mastered it. Sable knows what the word means, and comes if he is not busy resting. We could put more effort into it, but I don’t want to be mean or break his spirit.

All good advice. One thing I always train my dogs with is that I can take their food away. I can’t abide a dog that will growl at their owner when s/he gets near their food bowl. I can reach down and take Bartleby’s food away and he sits and waits for it to be returned, but when my wife tried to take a piece of food away from him that she dropped, he snapped at her. That is a huge foul in my book. I’m traveling for work next week, so I’m hoping my wife can work with him while I’m gone.

I know this sounds facetious, but I think part of the problem is that her command voice is comical. When she is trying to sound stern, it always comes out as kind of mock angry. Her preferred way of communicating displeasure is wicked sarcasm and a raised eyebrow, kind of lost on the dog, but very effective on me.

Our dog responds to hand commands as well as or better than verbal commands. The signal for sit is bending the arm up from the elbow. He starts sitting as soon as we start the signal. “Down” is an outstretched arm, similar to a Hitler salute, lol.

We also did taking his food away training. He would never growl around food. He has growled at me a few times when I tried to pick him up from bed, even with plenty of warning. I think it kind off surprised both of us. But he would never nip at me or else the training would restart round the clock.

You might consider having your wife feed him. That is
[ul][li]She fills the food dish[/li][li]She gives the command “Sit”.[/li][li]The dog gets nothing until he sits[/li][li]She then says “Stay”.[/li][li]Put the food on the floor[/li][li]If he tries to get at the food, take it back, and repeat “Stay” once[/li][li]The dog does not get fed until he Sits, and Stays, until the command “Free dog!”[/li][li]If it takes ten minutes, it takes ten minutes. If it takes twenty, it takes twenty. The dog gets nothing until he Sits, and Stays for at least a few seconds. [/li][li]Repeat every single day, at every single feeding, for at least a month.[/ul]I taught my dog not to be food-aggressive by teaching him to say grace before meals. At every meal, he runs eagerly over as I fill the dish, then runs to where I feed him. Then he Sits nicely and bows his head while I say “bless us O Lord and these thy gifts which we are about to receive from thy bounty thru Christ our Lord.” [/li]
three to five second pause

“Amen!” At which point he devours his dinner as if he hadn’t eaten in weeks. But he has to wait until I say the word.

Try hand signals. “Sit” is one finger raised. “Stay” is palm forward as if pushing. “Down” is a downward gesture with the hand open.

Pair that with lavish praise when he does something close to right, and things will improve.

Regards,
Shodan

We have “wait” instead of “stay”, but same difference. It was fun teaching that.

We put sable into a wait (sitting, but he is free to look anywhere, he does not have to look at us all the time) for minutes at a time. He is not released until we say “okay”. Then he gets a ton of praise and often a treat. The fun part was tempting him with other gestures or words, but he now knows to wait for “okay”. If someone else in the room calls for him, he will not move.

I’ve always found it very difficult to train people to train their dogs. Dogs are a breeze to train. People are almost always infuriating.

The golden rule is: NEVER tell your dog to do something you are not prepared to make them do. Not in a punitive way, in any kind of way. Say sit, and if the dog doesn’t sit, luring them with a treat is okay at the beginning. But you MUST follow through in some manner. Yelling at your dog to come when they are chasing a squirrel is not just pointless, it is exactly wrong.

If she cannot muster up the intention to make your dog sit or come or whatever, she should just not interact with the dog. Every time she lets the dog blow her off, she is telling that dog loud and clear, “I am a worthless wimp with zero authority, please ignore the sounds coming out of my mouth as they are meaningless to you.” If that’s what she wants to convey, she is going about it exactly right.

Generally, people who have no authority with animals, have some complicated shit going on about that which has to do with their self image, sense of power, their ability to focus on a task, interact in a leadership role, and all sorts of other stuff I never want to have to suss out.

To me, a cat person is simply a worthless wimp with zero authority who still wants an animal in the house, who is smart enough to know that about themselves and not get a dog.

But then I don’t really care for cats. Or people, can you guess.

double post

Our dogs have always listened to me better than the wife.

I have always assumed the animal kingdom is sexist, so the animals respond best to the biggest male.

Tell her to drop her voice inflection and pretend she’s Darth Vader. It sounds dumb but it works.

Also, Shodan’s right about having her do the feeding. It will help a lot.

Four months is right about the time that puppy classes start. You might see what’s available and sign up your wife & puppy for a few weeks this summer. The vet or nearby pet stores will have referrals and ads, usually.

This is an important time for you pup. What he learns now will stick with him for life.

Bartleby is just telling your wife, “I prefer not to.”

Funny, I got home today and my wife tells me that they’ve been training on some basics today. They even played a round of piggy/chicken/ball. That’s a game where you throw three items and tell him which one to bring back, he can only do it well when he’s completely focused. I bet I come back from my trip and I’ll be jealous he’s following her around.

No pics, no pup. What were you saying?

Not in my house.

4-6 months is a good time to start puppy training. Have your wife take Bartleby to the classes, and you stay home. Then, when they come home after class have your wife show you what they learned that day. If during that demonstration Bartleby focuses more on you and less on your wife, and if during the class your wife says she was having success with Bartleby, then stop the demos.

Puppy training is more about training the human. I think if your wife takes B to the classes it will help them to bond.

Oh, and similarly, if you go away on a trip for a day or 3 or 4, that also might help.

Good luck. It’s like parent training and if parents have different parenting styles and outcomes, it can introduce a lot of stress into the family (spouses + B).

There is a disturbing lack of puppy pictures in this thread.

:eek: I don’t even know where you live. How could I make assumptions about the animal kingdom at your house?:smiley:

I am a cat person, and have zero problem with your post.

Yes, half the point of having a cat is that you have to do zero sucky leady crap with them. I have enough playing leader in my life already what with having kids and all, but at least they’ll age out of being under authority eventually. Then I’ll go back to the pleasant state of affairs of not having to tell other persons/entities what to do, and them not having to do it.

To tie this into the main point - monk, how does your wife feel about the hard work inherent in training dogs to obey you? Is she happy to do that, or is she bombing out because she’s just not really up for the effort involved?