God, I hate having the flu. It cannot be humanly possible for this much mucus to be produced in one person’s nasal innards. Or can it? For the past three days, I have been producing enough snot to put a small-to-medium lubricant company out of business.
I have fought valiantly, but I am afraid that I have been overcome. This is not like normal snot. This is some weird, superhuman strain of hitherto unknown snot which has embarked on a mission to conquer the world. This morning, attempting to blow my nose, I shot something out of my left nostril that closely resembled green Blue-tac. My right nostril refused completely to co-operate. After five minutes of near-continuous blowing, broken only by short resting periods when I felt I would actually pass out for the first time in my life, I had produced only a faint wet spot on the tissue.
Further blowing resulted in the expressions becoming slightly pinkish, which discouraged me from any further action. Whatever’s in there has obviously settled down and made itself comfortable and has absolutely no inclination of leaving. I think I heard it growl when I came too close with the tissue.
God, I hate having the flu.