Over-40 Only Thread... Commiserate with Me or Help me Snap Out of It

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
21

I’m 39 and I’ll be hitting 40 by the end of the month. This is bothering me much more than it should. I think the worst thing is looking back ten years and realizing I was living pretty much the exact same way as I am now. I feel like I’m just getting older while going nowhere.

I enjoyed meeting the people who were at the recent Burlington Dopefest, but I was struck by how young everyone else was. The best part was when andygirl told me she wished there was someone old enough at the meeting to pretend to be her parent if she had trouble getting in the bar; I pointed out to her that I was twenty years older than her so I qualified. The worst part was when Robot Arm made a joke about Johnny Carson and the two of us then had to explain to everyone else who Johnny Carson was.

22

I-was-born-in-1957.It-still-feels-strange-to-say-the-words-cause-I-don’t-feel-old.Yes,I-sometimes-ache-in-places-I-didn’t-even-know-I-had-and-I-am-surprised-every-time-I-look-in-the-mirror-and-see-my-grandmother-looking-back-at-me,but-dammit-I’m-still-here.

A-couple-months-ago-I-had-a-full-blown-Ican’tbreathIthinkI’mgoingtodie-asthma-attack.I
-was-in-the-hospital-on-serious-doses-of-steroids-breathing-treatments,younameit.Even-after-I-came-home-for-weeks-I-couldn’t-even-walk-across-the-room-without-panting-and-wheezing;my–heart-would-pound-and-you-could-hear-my-ragged-breathing-two-rooms-away.I-still-have-to-take–breathing-treatments-every-four-hours-or-so-plus-several-inhalers-and-three-pills-a-day.But-dammit-I’m-still-here.

I’m-better-now-still-nowhere-close-to-100%-but-better.I-went-back-to-work-last-week-(I’m-an-RN-on-a-very-busy-med-surg-detox-floor)As-corny-as-it-sounds,I-am-thankful-for-the-opportunity-to-be-able-to-work-until-I’m-tired-and-my-feet-ache.For-a-while-there-I-was-not-so-sure-I-was-going-to-make-it.You-know-a-little-knowledge-is-a-dangerous-thing.

[RN-mode]Just-an-off-the-cuff-assessment,you-sound-a-little-depressed.It-is-not-normal-to-ache-all-the-time.There-has-to-be-a-reason-for-it.It-may-be-that-you-need-more-physical-activity.It-may-be-a-lot-of-things.Get-yourself-to-the-family-doctor-for-a-check-up.[/RN-mode]

If-everything-checks-out,get-up-and-get-moving-even-if-it’s-the-last-thing-you-feel-like-doing.May-I-suggest-getting-a-new-puppy?My-5-month-old-Brittany-pup,Jake,sure-keeps-me-hopping-with-all-the-letmein-letmeout-and-general-built-in-curiosity(did-you-know-that-a-puppy-can-eat-a-whole-jar-of-vaseline-with-no-apparent-ill-effects?)

If-all-else-fails,you’re-gonna-have-to-get-a-new-red-convertable-and-a-young-materialistic-preferably-blonde-girlfriend/mistress.It’s-the-only-way-to-completely-cure-middle-age-crazies-and-I-think-it’s-the-law.

:grabs-Stoid-by-the-shirt-collar-and-proceeds-to-rough-him-up-and-smack-him-around-a-bit:come-on-dude-snap-out-of-it.

23

Stoid, you are most likely on the threshold of some of your most productive years. Gets even better when you turn 50 because you’re beyond the point where everyone expects you to be proving something. You’ve still got everything you had at 35 (everything that counts, anyway) but you can take a little more laid back approach because there’s not as much social pressure.

My most angst-ridden birthday was at 55. My birthday was the day before Thanksgiving. Newspapers were full of Thanksgiving sale ads and one department store had a quarter of its full page ad announcing senior citizen discounts — for everyone 55 and older. THAT set me back on my heels a little. Next month is my 59th. For me, 60 looms as a milestone.

My ambition is to be an eccentric old lady but the “old” part is getting here before I’ve got the eccentric part down pat!

24

41 next month.

Up until last year, I was doing full contact martial arts against the best competition and with the best training partners I could find. Got an incredible rush about being able to go toe-to-toe with 20 year old horses. But doing so required a pretty incredible committment on my part. And the abuse on my body started to add up. It seems I am developing arthritis in every place where I broke bones throughout my life (relatively few of those breaks wer MA-related). And I am amazed at how much I ache all over, all of the time. So, no, you are not alone in that department. And it really sucks. But it doesn’t stop me from being active. I recently took up fencing. I golf whenever I can.

In my mind, the best thing about being “of a certain age” is that you don’t have to give a shit anymore about what so many other folk think about you. I recall being really insecure when I was younger. Hell, I’m still insecure, but now I realize that everyone else is too. And I realize my happiness does not depend upon the approval of others (outside my family and closest friends). There is no pressure to be cool. How freeing!

Real small example, over the summer I ran to the beach and took a swim. And just because I was in such a good mood, I struck up a conversation with this incredibly beautiful lifeguard. She was bored, and we had a great conversation. Sure, she didn’t think of me as anything other than an old guy, and I wasn’t thinking about getting laid. But years ago, I would have been paralyzed about even talking to such a goddess.

Sure, there are some dreams that you will never be able to accomplish. But, if you step back and take stock of where you are, I bet you’ll find it is a pretty decent place. Think of how much you know that you didn’t know before. And if you have had any measure of financial success, think of how nice it is to be able to afford what you want.

Recognize that you can go either way with the old half-full, half-empty bit.

25

Tired old cliche, I know. But it’s true. I’m 47 and have found a direct correlation between how I feel and how consistently I am exercising. Helps to curb alcohol and sugars, too. Belive me, I’m not saying I do it all the time, but when I do…a very noticable difference. Try it. Start out slow and easy then GRADUALLY increase your level of effort.

26

I remember a friend’s father telling us a long time ago that, “Once you reach 40, it’s just patch, patch, patch.”

So true.

At least us late-40ish people can remember what a fun time the 60’s were.

27

When I turned 40, I felt younger than I had in 20 years. As though a weight had lifted from me. I’ve been told I look the same now as when I was 31. I’m really glad I returned to doing yoga a few years ago. I credit yoga with being my Fountain of Youth. It trims your flab, boosts your metabolism, improves your breathing, tones your immune system, increases the vital energy coursing through your body, promotes inner peace, and best of all, uplifts your spirits by giving you positive thoughts. It’s the best anti-aging remedy there could be.

No need to mourn the past. The past is past, the future hasn’t happened yet, only the present moment is real. Live in the present and be content. The gift of simple existence itself is something I’m more and more grateful for with every new day. To contemplate the transience of existence is to understand the Buddha’s teaching of compassion for all beings and the emptiness of all phenomena, which is to give your mind total openness, total freedom.

The best thing about growing older is the increase in wisdom as you assimilate and reflect on life’s experiences and learning. Your inner state becomes a beautiful work of art in itself and you grow to appreciate that as more valuable and precious than anything else. Cherish yourself and love yourself. Kids may look hot, but face it, they’re kind of dumb. When I was young I thought I knew what was what, but now I have to admit I was pretty dumb. Only now that we’re past 40 can we really begin to appreciate what’s most valuable in life. I wouldn’t trade this inner richness of soul for any amount of youth. I’m 42 now and loving every moment of it. Every new sunrise is a cause for quiet celebration. I look forward to continuing to develop my spiritual awareness of how precious life is for the rest of my days. Thanks for starting this thread to remind me to reflect on my blessings. I like this age better than any yet so far.

28

I-know-I-wrote-my-last-post-thinking-you-were-a-man-but-my-advice-still-stands.Maybe-what-you-need-is-a-young-blonde-boy-toy-to-take-your-mind-off-things.

Then-again,maybe-a-girlfriend/mistress-would-really-change-your-point-of-view–who-knows.:smiley:

29

FYI, at 42, my new GF is 27. I am looking into a new car. I have made the joke it will have to be a Corvette convertible, to make the crisis complete.

(actually, I am leaning toward an Explorer.)

30

I turn 42 next week. When I hit 40, I was still doing good in the physical aspect and wondered what all the fuss was about. By the time 41 rolled around, uh oh, where did all these extra pounds come from and, more importantly, why can’t I get rid of them? It seemed every vacation brought five more pounds with it. Danggit!

While I enjoyed reading all the eloquent & positive posts about >40 life, I can sympathize with the OP. Man-o-man, those aches and pains come from outta nowhere. I can still sit crosslegged on the floor, but can no longer get up with ease. And please do not time me when I try to thread a needle.

All and all, tho, getting older is better than the alternative. Time to go get that sweet potato queen book. And start exercising.

31

I’m nearly 42 Stoid. Personally, I am happier in my 40s than I was in my teens. Live and enjoy

32

If I had known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself.[ul][list][list]George Burns[/ul][/list][/list]

33

Do a Google search for Jeanne Clement and read everything you can find out about her. When you’re done, subtract your age from hers at the time of her death…

…then start planning what you want to do with the remaining two thirds of your life!!

Seriously, I think people feel old mainly when they reach an age that they hadn’t always visualized themselves at during their younger years. If you harbor fond anticipatory images of who you’re going to be at 60, 75, 90, you’ll have a lot more fun with it when you get there.

34

This thread deserves a bump and it might as well be me. (Sorry long)

A few years ago, I called my sweet little grey-headed Momma on her 70th birthday. “Hey, Momma, Happy Birthday, how you doin’?”

Momma replied that she’d just been “lying here on the couch thinking about being seventy. I don’t feel bad, my health is good, I still have my teeth…it’s just the fact that I’m seventy. Inside my head, I don’t feel any different…it’s just that I’m trying to deal with the fact that I’m SEVENTY.”

I was a bit taken aback…this is the woman who cackled when I called her on my 40th and told her the only thing I had to look forward to now was menopause. The same woman who sent my vain little sister a rain hat on her 40th. (And not one of the nice ones with the boo-font preserving plastic ribs that only the 80+ women on the bus seem to have; it was one of those plain ones that fit into a 1x3 vinyl pouch - you used to find them at Woolworth’s - who has them now?)

Every b’day I have, every time I start thinking about my age…I think of what Momma said. “Inside my head, I don’t feel any different…”

This year Momma climbed the Hatteras Lighthouse two weeks before her 75th b’day. The Hatteras Light is 198 feet tall, 168 steps to the top. Momma is afraid of heights. But by gawd, she did it! Last time I was home, she commented on the fact that the stairs in the lighthouse fell shortly after she climbed them. She did not like that one bit.

But inside her head, she doesn’t feel any different.

I reckon it’s what’s inside your head, Stoid. Get the demons out - don’t let them tell you you can’t do what you want, don’t let them tell you you’re too “old”. Declare yourself the Queen of something (anything, it doesn’t matter) and act accordingly.

Take advantage of your over-40 fabulousness. Say and do whatever you damn well please. Try it, it’s extremely freeing. Friends told me I would experience a new freedom when I hit 40. It was hard for me to believe, since I’ve always been quite outspoken. But it’s true.

And Rocking Horse, thanks for the welcome to the boards and the new tiara! Cute shoes! Tell your Momma I said “Hi!”

35

Rocking Chair - I apologize. Thanks again for the welcome to the boards and yes, it was ***you ***with the cute shoes…

…but you knew that.
SW

36

Want to feel younger at 40? Work with people who are 70.

37

(In-case-you-start-feeling-too-good-about-yourself-and-need-to-take-it-down-a-couple-of-notches)

If-you-really-want-to-feel-old-try-working-with-a-bunch-of-19-and-20-year-olds.It-really-starts-to-sink-in-when-you-realize-you’ve-got-jeans-older-than-them"

38

Snap out of it and stop complaining. So you’re forty. What’s the alternative?

I’ll be 50 next year. So what? There are certainly things I wish I had done earlier, but getting depressed about them is an utter waste of time.

So instead of moaning how life has passed you by and you’re ready for the dungheap, DO SOMETHING! It’s never too late to start realizing your potential (look at Grandma Moses, for instance.)

Get to work. Figure out what you want and go for it. Full throttle, without fear. Even if you don’t get it, you’ll most likely end up somewhere just as good.

To help get over it, answer this: Why is it important that you feel this way?

39

THAT is a fabulous piece of advice. Now I just have to determine what exactly it is I’m Queen of… I love it, though.

** RealityChuck, ** I’m not sure I understand the question… “Why is it important”?

Stoid