Goddam bastard fucking new Chuck Taylors fucking microwave going off sonofabitch basement steps running tripping on as-yet-not-motherfucking-broken in shoes shit hit forehead on the cocksucking lip of the dirty shit step.
I’m gonna have a crease on my forehead in the morning (well, early afternoon), and I can’t even yell about it because my girlfriend is trying to sleep.
Fuck.
scribbles down furious notes, trying to keep up
Dirty shit step? One would think that’d be pretty soft…
Ehm, anyway, that’s gotta hurt. Yowch.
Still… not… finished…laughing. Must… post…to this…later.
Wow. That’s one of the greatest rants (in the strictest definition of the word) I’ve ever heard.
Wow.
Just tell people you cut yourself shaving.
Not necessarily! You know how hard it can get if it’s been left out for a while… 
The thing is, we’ve all been there and we all know that one of the following two things happened:[list=1][li]You suddenly found yourself lying, dazed, on the steps going “What the FUCK just happened?!” or The moment your foot hit the shoe, your mind scrambled about five different ways, each screaming “DO THIS! DO THAT!” trying to keep you from falling, immediately followed by the sick realization that you were, in fact, falling and trying to figure out what was going to hit what and what part of your body you’d rather sacrifice than have certain parts hit…etc and then THWAP stars and little black and white dots. A stiffled yelp and a creased brow as you hold in the primal scream of profanities until you reach the keyboard.[/li][/list=1]
Not the same thing as yelling, but it was a good rant: 9.7
Bwahahahaha!
Wow, that was great! A pratfall as experienced from inside the victim’s mind! Fabulous! Excellent rant!
black455– how’s your forehead?
I’m weeping with laughter over the rant, but why the need to run to the microwave anyway? Was the cat trapped inside?
This is even dumber than it sounds from the OP.
The new Chucks in question were not on the stairs, they were on my feet. If you’ve never owned a new pair of All Stars, you need to know that you CAN NOT wear those things in public until you get them sufficiently broken in and dirty around the house, unless you want to look like you just stepped off the Gacy Clown Schoolbus.
Anyway, my previous pair of Chucks were something like four years old; hence, when charging up the basement steps to retrieve the just-reheated dregs of yesterday morning’s Kroger brand coffee from the nukebox before the beeping of the timer woke my girlyfriend from her rather restful slumber, I misjudged the size/flexibilty of the soles of the New Chucks and managed to snag my toe in the right angle where the vertical surface of the upper step met the horizontal surface of the lower step, resulting in a comic faceplant several steps heavenwards, a bruise, and yet another dent in my cranium.
The shitty thing was, I still had to stay up till 4 am (eastern) to study for my fucking midterm.
Can I follow you around with my video camera? The next time America’s Funniest Home Videos has their contest, we would have a damn good shot at the grand prize money! 
So you’re saying it was more #1, than #2, then?
How’d you do on your test?
Goddam bastard fucking hilarious. I could see the whole thing unfold.
Yes, how did you do on your test?
What’s really funny is that when people see the bruise and ask you what happened and you answer, a little embarresed “I . .uh . . .fell up the stairs. . .” they are gonna give your girl funny looks. This is such a cliche excuse for domestic abuse . . .
thinksnow: It was actually more #2… the whole thing happened in slo-mo.
The midterm was in my Asian Geography class…it’s a 100 level. I’m the only senior in a class of 100 freshmen and sophomores. The bruise is about 3.5" across and 2" high in the exact center of my forehead. I got a lot of stares, which I returned with dirty looks, of course.
Sweetums and I went out to a club last night. We ran into a guy we know and he asked me what the hell happened. My girlfriend told told him “Bitch forgot to clean the kitchen.”
[[My girlfriend told him “Bitch forgot to clean the kitchen.”]]
Hah!
James Joyce couldn’t have bashed his head any better.
Well, I hope you’re happy. You damn near killed me with that. The human body can only handle so much laughter before it runs out of oxygen, y’know.
Tell your girl she’s cool.
This is one of my pet peeves. Every martial arts class I’ve ever taken has shown me how to fall correctly on flat, smooth, padded surfaces. Nobody EVER teaches how to fall safely on stairs, and where do I always end up falling? Stairs.
Bastards.