Many years ago I was painting the interior of an entire house. I was in the bathroom, standing on the edge of the tub to reach the ceiling. I stepped off of the tub and planted my foot directly into a nearly-full 5-gallon bucket of paint.
Now you go.
mmm
In our first house, I was up in the attic and trusted the floor boards that were down over the supports. These boards were only made out of particle board though and I never should have had any faith in them.
Cue a loud scream as the particle board failed and my foot is now hanging through our bedroom ceiling. Bonus, for some reason my parents were visiting when this happened.
We patched the ceiling pretty well, but I couldn’t not see it.
.
.
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I wasn’t even fat back then. Geez.
OK, here is a “Point at Cad and laugh” moment. I had gotten a caramel (extra) malt at a place that uses those domed lids. As a side note it was a drive-thru so I’m sitting in my car. The malt was clearly well above the top of the cup itself and only being restrained by the lid. And there is the straw sitting out the top waiting to be used for its only god-given purpose.
So I, of course, take the lid of the malt. Why? I have no clue.
Here’s one I just did, not half an hour ago. I went to clear the lint out of the outside dryer vent lint trap. Which is up high in front of our house under an overhanging eave. And walked face-first into a GIANT spiderweb strung between the eave and the wall.
I took off running, yelling something that might have sounded like BLECCCCH BLECCCCH BLECCCCHHHH while grabbing and swatting spiderweb out of my hair, and frantically checking to see if I had also gotten the occupant on me, Fortunately, no neighbors were around to see me, and no spider found on me. Given the size of the web I would not want to find the owner of it in my hair.
Another one: The wife bought a few single-serving packages of Cheerios, the kind that come in a sort of bowl with the peel-off lid.
I grabbed one from the cupboard and was looking at it when she says, “you just peel that lid back”, as if I was some sort of simpleton who was baffled by this new thing.
I responded, with just a hint of sarcasm, “Duh, really?” After which I peeled the cover back, found that it resisted, tugged harder, and rained Cheerios all about the kitchen.
mmm
On my way to junior high school, I did that classic slapstick comedy thing and stepped right into an open manhole.
[hijack: nonsexist language consult needed. thesaurus fail. WTF is a gender-nonspecific synonym for manhole that immediately conjures up one of those vertical tubes with the heavy metal round cover?]
Anyway, I had my mind elsewhere, or still partly dozing; I really didn’t see that there was this uncovered hole in front of me on the sidewalk and stepped right into it. I’m sure the video would have been howlworthy.
One puts a foot down and expects sidewalk to be there, and the back foot isn’t waiting but is already pushing off, there’s no recovery. There is forward momentum, so one does not fall straight down, and in fact the only significant injury was to the front of my thighs, where I banged into the opposite side rim. It wasn’t a deep hole, my head and shoulders were above sidewalk level.
I suspect I had an uncomprehending bewildered expression on my face, and managed to look quite foolish throughout.
I dropped a wooden chopping board onto my toe. 
(I remember watching it fall and thinking “that’ll hurt.” I wish I had thought “Move your foot!”)
Welcome to the club! As a kid, I was moving the lawn and walked thru a Golden Orb web. 
Somehow I leaped over a 5 foot fence. Or I teleported.
Setting up the travel trailer at a trailer park. Electrical done. Water done. Black water next. Remove cap from the plumbing to hook up drain hose. Don’t notice the black water valve is open. Have about 10 gallons of sewage pour out onto the ground. Spend the next 2 hours cleaning up the mess with help from one of the campground employees. Took 18 pounds of kitty litter and a couple gallons of disinfectant to get rid of the smell.
I did a similarly classic slapstick stunt with a mere seven or eight years: I was walking on the street near our house where I knew every stone when I spotted a friend on the other side of the street. I turned my head to say hello and wave at him, and yes, I ran face first straight into a lamppost. My friend on the other side laughed his ass off.
I too had a paint incident, also in the tub. Even said a little “prayer” not to fall on my arse. Sure enough, the paint tray upended and bubblegum pink went EVERYWHERE. Never did get the pink splotches off my tub (I eventually had it replaced but my ladder is still pink).
At a party I walked directly into a sliding glass door.
As a kid, maybe 7 or 8, I dropped a large rock on my foot and hopped around on the other foot like a cartoon character.
more than once ive done the tom and cherry thing of stepping on a certain style of rake and smacking myself with a handle
I made an entire bowling alley laugh once. At the end of one of my rolls, the tip of my front shoe just barely crossed the line, and due to the oil on the lane I slid out into the lane. I waved my arms a bit and was 99% going to save it and stay upright. However, at the last second before I was stable, both feet shot straight out in front of me and I went horizontal. Landed on my side. I wasn’t physically hurt. My pride on the other hand. It was quite entertaining to the rest of the people bowling. It was not caught on video, thankfully.
Sticking with the bathtub motif, I was renting the upstairs of a house years ago with an old cast iron claw-foot bathtub. It had a shower with a ring of shower curtain.
One morning I was showering, had a head/face full of soap when the tub suddenly dropped. I was certain the floor was in a state of collapse and I was going to drop into the downstairs apartment and die. Naked. So, of course I lept out of the tub and rolled away blindly, bringing down the curtain.
What actually happened was two of the claw-feet had given way. No real danger, but would have made a hilarious video.
Demolishing an old porch I stood on the roof prying ancient nails loose with a crowbar. The head pulled off a nail and the crowbar came flying back and hit me in the cheek bone. It hurt but didn’t seem so bad until I noticed blood on my work gloves, then. My shoes, clothes, and every where else as it was dripping steadily out of my nose. I got down from the roof and looked in the mirror. I had a black eye and bloody nose and a little divot out of my cheek. Not terribly bad I thought, just horrible looking. I had to get ready to meet up with people for brunch so I jumped in the shower to wash up and when I got out the whole right side of my face was black and blue. It looked like Mike Tyson had taken me out with a left hook. I had managed to hit that ‘sweet spot’ that breaks open a lot of blood vessels. And being right at the edge of the roof I was lucky I didn’t knock myself off balance and down to the concrete slab below. Only a little bit of blood was oozing from my nose so with a pile of tissues in hand I went off to meet everyone for brunch with a story to tell about the condition of my face. Pretty good story I thought, I related it quickly and then my very good friend who was there blew it away with the story of his brother falling down an escalator in Canada, puncturing his lung and getting a big chunk of his scalp torn off at the bottom by those sharp edges on the front of an escalator step disappearing into the basement. So now I had swollen black and blue face and only the second best story to tell.
I was stupid enough to do this on purpose once. Just to see. I barely had the time to put my hand in front of my face. That thing moves incredibly fast.
I also stepped on a rake on purpose…and didn’t catch it!
I did the same when I was a kid. I wanted to see if it would smack me in the face like in the cartoons on TV.
It did!
I was recently graduated and just starting my first job. I got home around dinner time, so I went into the fridge and took out the oven proof container that housed a portion of leftover white fish. I figured I would reheat that and eat it with a salad and a slice of bread. Easy-peasy prep, so I cranked the oven up to 350 and slid the container into the oven.
Twenty minutes later, it was time to take it out. I reminded myself to be careful because it was as hot as Hades. Unfortunately, my mind was racing because of the new job and all the things I had to think about. I had an oven pad in each hand while I carefully removed the container from the oven and placed it gently on a top burner. So far, so good. Then, however, I did what may be the dumbest thing I have ever done. I put down the oven pad and took off the top with my bare hand.
Ooooooooooooooooooooo Goooooooooooooooooooooood!
There were tears and cursing while I held my tortured hand under cold water. The pain was so severe that I couldn’t remove my hand without being in agony. Finally, after an hour, I could bear doing so.
This is when it is really convenient to have a canine member of your household.
It was ages after I moved away from home the first time that I’d remember “Oh, yeah, I have to pick that up. There’s no dog to eat it.”