Urg! While trying to open one of those Dial handsoap pumps today, I realized that about 80% of the time I end up just unscrewing the top and pouring the soap on my paws because the !@#$%%^* pump won’t ever pop up to the “open” position.
Since it was a slow Sunday for me, that got me thinking about other packaging that I can’t ever open correctly:
CDs (goes without saying). Ellen DeGeneres has a funny routine about scissors packaging being the hardest packaging in the world to open, and one already needs to own scissors in order to open scissors that would in turn open CDs.
The perforated “get your soda out this way” of my “fridge pack” cardboard soda packaging
Most products that I’m supposed to poke a spouty hole in around the perforations so it can supposedly be opened and closed again: dog biscuits, Bisquick, dishwasher soap, etc.
Just thought I’d share. I’m off to open a good old-fashioned bar of Irish Spring and throw away the soap pump.
I never open the soda things right. Ever. Hell, anything with cardboard that I am supposed to “punch”- I can never, ever do it right. I just end up ripping the box.
I also never open my damn Netflix things right- never. But I am an idiot, so maybe that’s just me?
The hardest ones for me are the molded plastic enclosers that make up both the front and the back of the package. The edges aren’t joined so it looks like you can rip them apart but good luck with that. They can be pretty thick too so cutting them with scissors or a knife is no easy task. One you get that open, you have those thick little plastic ties holding the product to the back of the package to contend with. You can guarantee there is going to be some bloodshed when you go to open those.
Open one end, but then you have to slip your finger in there, risking paper-type cuts, to pull out the tray. Then you want to put the tray back in? Ha! In your wildest dreams, maybe.
I just bust open the whole thing and try to eat them all before they go stale. Usually within an hour.
As for the soda boxes, I don’t have any trouble at all with those; however, my husband does. If I open the thing first, all goes well, and everyone seems to be able to reach in and grab cans of carbonated goodness easily. If my husband gets to it first, there’s usually a fist shaped hole busted into the side.
OK, technically this isn’t a NEVER,EVER story- it’s a “oh, that was a (hopefully unique) humiliating story”. Cans of food.
Recently, I was making “Cajun Combo” with my mother (Think Gumbo only not exactly). She’d gotten a phone call, so I was left trying to assemble the rest of the ingredients. This recipe is the sort that one should open all containers, chop all ingredients before you put the first ingredient in the pan.
So I take out the new can opener and try to open the black beans. No good. Try again- it looks like if I pull on one edge I can open the can. Good. So I pry on one edge and the can lid pops off spilling bean juice stuff on my shirt and on the nice clean floor. GRR. I hate can openers.
Milk in cardboard cartons. For me, they never open correctly, The cardboard always winds up sticking in the wrong place, then I have to tear a hole through the thin layer of cardboard that remains. Aargh!
Cereal boxes and other cardboard cartos where there is a little tab connected to a thin strip of card with perforated zigzag edges - pull the tab and tear off the strip to open - except it just never works the feeble tab tears away, leaving you to pry open the flaps just like you would have done anyway.
Plastic bags (usually containing nuts or sweets) made from tough plastic, heavily heat-crimped at the top edge, with a slot cut through the crimped part, for retail hanging the bag on a hook. Grasp the two sides of the packet and pull the crimped seam apart; you always end up with the strip of plastic above the hook slot attached to alternatie sides of the open bag; attempting to break it free propagates a tear, splitting right down the side of the bag, demolishing any hope that you might put the uneaten half of the product in your pocket.
Salad Dressings. The kind with the shrink wrap protective coating/label. Every time I open one of these I end up taking off the entire label not just the part at the top so you can unscrew the lid. So I’m left with a fridge full of unlabeled dressings, each a variation on the theme of Ranch.
At work, coffee is made from pre-measured grounds that come in pretty little foil packets, made by Folgers. The packets are notched, supposedly so one can use the notch to open the package. It simply doesn’t work. We keep a pair of scissors in the drawer next to the coffee packets.
What I don’t understand is why Folgers bothers to put the notch there when they have to know damn well that it’s useless. Either give us something that actually works or don’t give us anything. Wasting our time by making us try something that doesn’t work pisses us off. It really does seem like the companies who do this are purposely jerking us off.