Not a nice subject, but I’d like to know what you think of this:
Thank you.
Most of what I have to say about this subject would probably best be said in the Pit.
As a child who was molested by her father from as far back as my memory goes I cannot think of anything positive about the experience. (My very first memories from about age 3 are of my father masturbating himself against me)
The author’s little blurb on consequences seems to be saying that most kids manage to grow up ok therefore pedophelia must not be so bad. He must know my mother. :rolleyes: I wonder how many abused children he’s actually spoken to about their experiences. I tried to kill myself more than a few times and still have nightmares about the experience. It took me years to get to the point I am at today in my life where my existance is no longer completely foreshadowed by the abuse and all my feelings about it.
What bothers me most about the article here is that the author seems to think that pedophelia is not that harmful. He seems to forget that the kids in these pedophelic relationships don’t have the ability to say I don’t want this relationship. The adult needs to control his own behavior and not abuse children.
The last paragraph especially angers me:
I can think of no childhood that is made better through having a sexual relationship with an adult. I also do not see how society would profit from knowingly and willingly placing children in a position to be influenced by pedophiles. Ultimately that (to me) would create an environment where the pedophile could recruit children for abuse with ease and leave the children with less of a chance to complain/escape as the children were put in this position by the adults who were supposedly looking out for their wellbeing. Pedophiles don’t care about ‘everything which concerns youth’ they care about finding children to have sex with.
I’m curious where the author got his information and would like to see something more specific about his assertion that there are some ‘young people who can only fully develop by having a relationship with an adult.’
I simply don’t have the words to express how completely wrong this article is 
Young teens might seem very sexually attractive and at best one might think a young girl sexy… but going as far as having sex with children who dont want and dont understand what is happening is very very wrong.
As an oversexed hetero male I know the compulsion for sex is strong… I have had my “rape” thoughts and once or twice looked too much at a young teen. Still I didnt do anything of it. I think pedophilia is a way too much. I think these men should get girlfriends or prostitutes 18+ that actually look much younger and thus satisfy their needs.
I was a bit shocked by the article so openly defending it too... any such "bridge with youth" is made thru violence and sexual predatory habits and thus making it useless.
I know many of the men who have this tendency might not be able to control it or suffer from keeping it under wraps... but nothing justifies the damage done. Get treatment or get sex somewhere else.Sounds to me like the kind of rationalization child molesters often engage in. “I’m helping her discover her sexuality/he needs the closeness of this relationship/she asked for it/it’s a normal thing to do…” All to deny to themselves and to others the awful damage they’re doing.
Opinions are like assholes, everybody has one, and that asshole certainly has an opinion.
My experience is limited, but I once had a girlfriend (we were both age 20 at the time) who had been molested by an adult family member from age six through nine, after which her grandmother found out and stopped it.
That young woman had emotional scars and resentments that pretty much ruined her chance at a normal life. The author of that stuff should check with her if he thinks adults forcing sex on young children is a good thing.
I don’t need to read a pervert’s twisted rationalizations to know that pedophilia is wrong.
Note that I’m not using the fashionable term “inappropriate.” I’m saying wrong–as in sick, evil, sinister. The harm done to a child is incalculable, and often leaves lasting emotional scars.
What is your interest in this topic, may I ask?
Er, may I correct Country Squire: The very real, very tangible damage caused by pedophilic relationships is wrong and evil. The pedophilic desires on their own aren’t.
Exactly , Genie . Personally , I think that whole ‘bridge to youth’ bullshit should be changed to the ‘bridge to the alligator pit’. These freaks cannot be rehabilitated and no overly useful knowledge can be gained by studying them. Molesting a child should be a death penalty offense . I know all the Right to Lifers will have a problem with that , so how about them pitch in money to keep these monsters alive and locked away. Once its THEIR pocket the money comes from , we’ll see how important the life of a baby raper is. The physical and psychological damage inflicted upon these poor children by these freaks is immeasurable. We should concentrate ALL our efforts on helping them as opposed to trying to rehab the offenders. As Andrew Vachss said " To have these thoughts is sick. To act upon them is evil " A one strike and you’re out policy , while crude, is the only way to deal with these freaks and keep them from our children.
I will merely note one thing:
This was published in 1962. I don’t think I need to go into any detail about the advances in the relevant fields since then.
It might be a useful reminder to others in this thread that we are in IMHO, not the Pit.
Boy, you’ve got THAT right Tanookie!
The fact that we manage to grow up “okay” by NO means makes it “not so bad” an experience. It’s horrific, and always with us.
It would be nice to know what some of us could or would accomplish without having that ugly dark cloud hanging over us.
Hanging’s too good for them. And that includes those that aren’t “technically” pedophiles and “only” (sheesh what an UNDERSTATEMENT) have sex with teenage girls, even those who are technically legal.
It’s wrong. PERIOD.
I’d like to see them ALL rounded up and have a “Giliad” style woman’s court held on them.
Especially those that try to justify it with such idiocies as “helping the child discover their sexuality” etc.
As one who survived it (and thank GOD, someone who “only” talked and touched some), trust me, whether we actively said “no” or not, we were NOT willing participants, we just didn’t know we had the right to SAY no to an adult.
My God, what inhuman monsters! I can’t imagine what those who are actually forced to have intercourse and more go through!
A minor story/point, Canvas Shoes, and one not meant to detract from your point but drive it home a bit further:
My father, the last of eleven children, was … shall we say trapped? with his father in the bathroom often after a swim in the family pool. His father would stand naked and “air-dry” and my father was not allowed out of the room. He was not allowed to open the door because then my grandfather would get cold. He was discouraged from looking away, etc. So in his case it was a matter of him asking them to stop him being trapped in the bathroom and them saying no.
This is, from what I am told, the most insignificant of the sort of things my grandfather (and his mother-in-law) did. The more significant involve knitting needles and scissors. FYI, one of my aunts, who was forced to have intercourse (see previous knitting needles etc, among other things I will omit for the sake of the forum), developed Dissociative Identity Disorder in response.
And I think I will just stop there before I work up a fully pit-worthy lather. This is one of a few subjects that quickly causes great amounts of ire in me.
No sir, I don’t like it.
*Neither do I *
Thank you for your responses. I’m just as sick to my stomach, reading that article, as you are. I’m terribly sorry for the victims of paedophiles and that I must be the one to rake it all up again.
My interest Country Squire is that I “met” a paedophile through a website for people suffering from depression. I’ve had 4 e-mail conversations with him. In the second but last, he told me the truth.
The fact is: He sounded like a decent human being. He also said he’d never acted upon his feelings.
You all know, ofcourse, a lot of e-mails are bullshit and can be disregarded. I simply don’t know what to think of his writings and I’m trying to understand. I was hoping - against hope - there is a sollution for this kind of people.
Once again: I’m sorry for bringing this up and hurting people all over again. I’m merely seeking information on this board were we fight ignorance.
Wishing you strenght,
gum.
Gum, I met a pedophile too. I grew up my whole life with him. I’m not sure he’s necessarily a textbook pedophile because he did not stop when I hit puberty… he stopped when I moved out of the house at 23. It is a long story that I really should place in the pit one day in its entirety as I have merely brushed the edges in forums like this.
Almost everyone who knew him thought he was a great guy and I was so lucky to have such a wonderful father. He was president of the PTA for my elementary school, he founded a teen center and gave guitar lessons and was a big brother for the Big Brother Association.
Then he’d go home and force his daughter to submit to him sexually almost daily. When I was young I thought everyone’s daddy did the things I did and that I was the bad kid for hating what was happening. When I got older I helped him juggle his extramarital affairs because every night he spent away with another woman was one less that he spent abusing me.
When I got uppity as a young teenager he worked very hard to convince me that demons would kill me and anyone I cared for if I didn’t give in to his increasingly sick demands.
My own mother actually caught him in the act and did nothing. Part of her reasoning was that the stigma of divorce and living in an apartment would be too great. She backed this up by the rationalization that since my grades were good and I had never been in trouble with the police or anyone else in authority then I must be ok with what was happening.
Pedophiles are most successful when they cultivate normalcy wherever they go. They fit in so that other adults will doubt the children are telling the truth. My father would brag to me about all the people he had conned who thought he was so wonderful. It was a game to him. He was proud of his deceptions.
I can’t say what the solution for these kinds of people is. I just know it can destroy children and even when you grow up mostly OK as I think I have there are scars and reminders and lots of issues I should never have had to deal with. I have a daughter myself now and if you think I won’t be overprotective… think again!
Sorry, but I can’t pass up your remark that pedophilic desires are neither wrong nor evil. Let’s sidestep my use of the (admittedly loaded) term “evil” and stick with “wrong.”
If not “wrong,” in what way are pedophilic desires right? Do you ascribe no value judgment/preference values to human desires, or to any desires in general? That desiring sex with children is neither right nor wrong, but something else altogether? If so, what? To broaden the argument, are you suggesting that a full-grown man who nourishes pedophilic fantasies doesn’t suffer from some type of mental illness, as defined by prevailing psychiatric reference works (DSM)?
Please explain.
Well, to be honest, I am not even going to read the article. I’ve had enough experience with pedophiles, TYVM. Besides, anything I could say has undoubtedly been covered quite well by tanookie and CanvasShoes—we really have to stop meeting this way, huh?
Anyhow, gum, I’m gonna go out on a limb here and assume that this is the person you were speaking of in your suicide thread. It seems to me that this person follows into one of the smallest categories of pedophiles, those who actually want to be rehabilitated (the other 2 categories I can think of are the “for her/his own good” category and the “nope, never happened” category). I think it’s very difficult for most people to think of pedophiles as people at all, let alone people in need of/deserving of help—but if even one pedophile can be helped before he acts on his desires, so much the better.
To my way of thinking, that’s a whole lot better than for this guy to go out and victimize even one person, who will then end up needing treatment her or himself. (It pisses me off no end that plenty of people were allowed to screw me up in childhood, but now that I’m an adult, only I can truly help myself.)
Ugh. I’d save the rest for any forthcoming Pit threads, but I don’t even want to give it that much time and energy…
I’m so out of this thread. This is too much for me.
Serious question here: are there people who honestly believe these kinds of things? Could some potential child molesters be educated and/or argued out of their actions, by explaining to them how much damage they cause? Or do they know and not care?
Well Thudlow, in my case I explained in great detail how much my father was hurting me by what he was doing and that he should have left us if he could not control his urges.
His reply was that ‘it hurt him for me to speak to him like that about these things.’
It was always about him. He took narcissistic behavior to new extremes. Everything was about how it affected him or how he percieved things. We were all just puppets in his play.
So while I do believe some think/rationalize that they are not hurting kids some know and do not care.