Must pallbearers at funerals always be male? Wikipedia says no:
Pallbearers were usually associated in an intimate manner (such as brother, uncle, father, or husband - pallbearers are not always male, but male pallbearers are the most common) with the deceased before their [sic] death, though this is not always the case.
In the most recent episode of The West Wing, former White House chief of staff and vice presidential candidate Leo McGarry’s casket is carried by six men, even though there are several female characters with a fair claim to the duty (I’m thinking of C.J. Cregg, his successor as chief of staff, and Margaret, his fiercely loyal secretary). Any reason they couldn’t have been pallbearers?
Assuming a particular woman is physically capable of carrying her 1/6th or 1/8th of the weight of the castket, are there different regional, religious or national customs as to whether women are appropriate pallbearers these days?
I’m of the opinion that your last paragraph pretty much sums it up. I’m 6’2", 240 lbs. I sadly have been a pall bearer at a number of funerals. I can’t think of a single time where I didn’t have the passing thought: “Holy Crap, this thing is heavy. I hope we don’t drop it.”
I was asked if I wanted to be a pallbearer at my grandfather’s funeral, though there were plenty of guys around to do it. I turned it down for the reasons mentioned above - I’m not a large or particularly muscular person, plus I have a bum ankle, amd I’d be terrified of tripping and/or dropping the casket. My dad and male cousins ended up doing it, and there must have been a couple more people, but I don’t remember who they were.
(For comparison purposes: agnostic at a Reform Jewish funeral on the East Coast.)
The difference in height may be an issue, although it would certainly be advisable that the pallbearers, be they male or female, wear flats while pallbearing.
My female partner (5’ 0", not particularly strong) was a pallbearer for her grandfather. She did just fine, but one of her thoughts was definitely “Holy crap, is this thing heavy!”
My brother and I, along with our 4 cousins, all carried my grandmother’s and grandfather’s (on separate occasions) coffins. There were 6 of us, 3 female and 3 male, carrying the coffin from the church to the hearse. Thankfully it was a short walk, though I remembered telling myself at the time, “be strong” because I didn’t want to drop it due to emotion.
I’ve never known this practice to be strictly male-orientated. If it is, it’s more to do with male strength than anything else.
At my mother’s father’s funeral, my brother, my sister, two of my cousins (one a woman), one cousin-in-law (also a woman) and I were there pallbearers. However, we did not carry it, we just rolled it on a roller thingy. A black cloth went around the top of the roller so it looked nice.
But, at my father’s brother’s funeral, my brother, four of my cousins, and I were the pallbearers. All male, and we had some trouble when we had to climb some steps and lift the casket onto a firetruck.
So with a standard set of six people, assuming all are average strength for their sex, it’s hard for all males to do the job, so I can see why it could be harder for women, who (on the average) are not as strong as men. And, as another poster said, if they wear the wrong shoes, that could spell more trouble. And if one is a pallbearer, they might not think ahead and wear flat shoes. I mean, it’s just not something I imagine would be on their mind when dressing.
Deb and several of her female cousins were pall bearers at her grandfather’s funeral. They were actually more of an “honor guard” as the coffin was borne by a gurney so that they did not actually have to lift it. (It was in the really flat country of southeast Michigan where there were not even steps in the church or the cemetary.)
I was a pall bearer at my grandmother’s funeral and I, too, remember thinking, “It’s a good thing she bred for size among her offspring.” (At 6’, I’m the second shortest grandson.) It was not unbelievably heavy, but it was enough to keep us all focused on the task.
The Marines include the following requirements in considering personnel for special duty as body bearers:
While the Marines of course are trying to meet a higher standard, the bottom line is indeed that the carrying the caskets requires a good bit of upper body strength, and I don’t think a lot of women have that capability. My grandma was a tiny woman and a shade under 100 pounds when she died, but the funeral home pallbearers still had some trouble getting up and down the church steps with the metal casket my dad and uncle had picked out.
Me and my siblings (3 sisters and 2 brothers) were pallbearers for my mom.
This included steps. The less athletic sisters took the center. (One of my sisters is a firefighter)
My experience is that they are indeed quite heavy. Heavy enough that 1/6 of the load was plenty for me. I don’t think it’s too much for the average male, but for an average female it might be just a bit more than could be handled comfortably. For a woman in good shape and shoed appropriately, I’m sure they could do it but I don’t know why they’d want to.
I’m quite curious if any have done the pallbearer bit where the casket is hoisted and carried on the shoulders. Once the hoisting is done, is that easier?
In Oklahoma City, nobody really cares. There is plenty of goofiness in the world of the living; a female pallbearer would be no more out of place that a colored cummerbund on a tuxedo. It may get an immediate look, but afterwards, people will be talking and thinking about their own roles.
Of course, if a woman drops a coffin, then it will be grist for the mill for years to come.
Other than that, you have to be a gorilla to carry one of those things. I had an aunt die a few years ago, and many large and healthy men to carry it. Two of them I know were in exccellent shape, and worked out regularly. We were weaving around like a bunch of drunks! I think that the average coffin, with body, weighs in at about 600 lbs. So, get people that can carry 100 lbs. with ONE HAND, at shoulder height for up to two minutes, being led by a semi-drunk priest, and walk over irregular cemetary paths, with potholes and bumps and no place to put the coffin down, and you will have a great candidate for a pallbearer.
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This deserves an “Amen!” My grandmother passed away last summer and my sisters, my BIL, my future BIL, and myself were informed at the funeral that we were to be pallbearers. The group included four unathletic females in heels. The burial plot was a nice little walk away from where cars could park through hilly grass. My mother, not carrying anything, almost twisted her ankle. Even with the assistance of the funeral home people, the casket was quite heavy and the walk was uncomfortable. One of my sisters did twist her ankle quite badly when her heel went into the dirt and the rest of us were still moving.
I don’t care who the pallbearer is, but make sure they know in advance!
When my sister died in January, my brother and uncle and some of her friends were pallbearers. She weighed about 90 pounds, but the casket and the whole deal weighed about 660. My SO is very strong, but she has all of her strength in her legs pretty much. There is no way she could have helped out with that.
Yeah, and it was a slight uphill walk about 45 yards.
Anyhow, my uncle had honorary pallbearers (because they were all decrepit), and some funeral home guys and my brother and I were the “real” pallbearers (yes, the thing was heavy).
I wouldn’t be surprised to see women become omre common as “honorary” pallbearers.