I will be a pallbearer at my MIL funeral. 2 son-in-laws and 2 nephews, which for the family works out perfectly (having close family). Trying to figure out the extra 2 might not be as easy.
I know we would have no problem carrying the casket, but…hoping the funeral home will be okay with it.
Has anyone ever been or seen where there are only 4 pallbearers??
The funeral home will probably have several burly dudes in suits standing by to assist. The toughest part is often from the hearse to the gravesite. Caskets are surprisingly heavy, and sometimes the footing is less than optimal. The funeral guys do this all the time, so just follow their lead.
Nitpick: It’s sons-in-law, not son-in-laws. And I doubt there is any rule about six pallbearers being necessary. Here, for instance, is a photo from Wikipedia of eight pallbearers at the funeral of a US Marine Corps officer.
BTW, I wonder if sometimes the weight of the casket is born by a casket cart, and the pallbearers are, more or less, ceremonial.
Do you have a philosophical objection to women as pallbearers? (That’s an honest question, not a dig.) The distributed load won’t be that heavy; lots of youngish women I know could handle it.
That’s exactly what I was thinking. Here’s the burly dude I know that does it for a living. His name is Vito, he’s huge and I’m sure pretty used to stepping in and taking a load off when they need it.
Also, they’ll have a cart for you and the only thing you’ll really need to do is get it up and down stairs and from the hearse to the sidewalk (and the reverse after the service). The rest of the time you’re just pushing and steering.
My mom had 6 kids (3 boys, 3 girls): We were all Pallbearers. There was just one set of steps that we really had to carry her. I doubt she + the casket weighed more than 180lb (30lb / person) Maybe 210 (35 / person). Something even the weakest kid could handle.
Brian
I’ve been a pallbearer twice, and one of the persons we carried was in a deluxe coffin, and he was himself heavy, and so the whole thing was heavy as heck. It can also be unwieldy if you’re on your weaker hand, which I was.
The other time was no big deal.
I have no philosophical objection to women as pallbearers. Never seen it though. Tradition?
From the hearse to the grave you’ll be walking on grass and navigating around gravestones. I highly recommend you find 2 more people to carry your MIL to the grave. Oh, and if you use women, make sure they’re wearing flats, not heels.
I, along with one of my sisters, was pall bearer for both of my maternal grandparents and an aunt. I was surprised I was asked the first time because I’d only seen men in that capacity, but I was honored to do it. The only problem I had was when my grandfather was buried, I didn’t think ahead - it was a rainy day and I wore inappropriate footwear. So when we went to lunch after the cemetery, I had wet feet. Other than that, no big deal.
Another thing, if you’re looking for more people to actually, physically lift, make sure they’re about the same height as everyone else. The first time I did it I was just a teenager (amongst my very tall uncles). I noticed that I could take my hand off the rail or even move out of the way around tight corners and no one even noticed. Since the handle/rail was about 6 or 8 inches above where my hand naturally hung, I physically couldn’t really do any lifting.
not only women—men too. Don’t wear dress shoes with perfectly smooth soles which have zero traction on slippery tiled steps, or wet grass.
My sister was a pallbearer at our grandmother’s funeral. My dad says it happens all the time.
Hey, way to bust the chops of a person who just lost a family member AND has to carry her dead body to be buried.
But hey, grammar!
:smack:
The cousin of a friend was one of the pall bearers for Nixon’s funeral.
As I recall, someone walked into the barracks, and asked who had clean dress uniforms.
The first 8 same-ish height men with clean dress uniforms got to be pall bearers, and the first non-matching height man got to give orders to the pall bearers.
They were not told why the clean dress uniforms were needed until after they were selected.
Why am I hearing this paragraph in Earnestine the Telephone Operator’s voice?? (“Better lock up the liquor, he’s a mean drunk!”)
When I go, I want my pallbearers to carry me in the English style, at shoulder height.
I was a pall bearer at my mother-in-law’s funeral. The others were my nephew, and several very elderly men. My nephew and I were the only ones who were putting forth more than a token effort. I am fairly strong and so is he, but I could have used a little more help than I got.
FWIW.
Regards,
Shodan
I’m female and I’ve been a pallbearer four times - once for each grandparent. And on a casket cart its easy - getting the casket up to the gravesite often takes the help of the funeral home staff - even if the pallbearers are strong and are wearing good shoes for the job.
And once, I carried the urn - solo, urns are light.
The only time I’ve been a pall-bearer I was one of four. It was a noticeable effort to carry, but nothing to worry about. I’d say we were all in average condition for 40-something IT guys at the time.
Things in our favour include that it wasn’t a long walk, and the casket was placed on a raised platform at the crematorium rather than on the ground by a graveside. I think we had some help to raise it from the hearse, but I can’t remember the details.
I guess both the casket and the deceased can vary in weight by a huge amount though, which would change the equation drastically.
When my grandfather died, he specifically requested that as many of his grandsons as possible be pallbearers. There were six grown grandsons present, plus four young’uns, so we six carried and called the four “honorary pallbearers” and had them walk in front.
Most of the work was done by the hearse and by the wheeled cart, but the cemetery was hilly and neither one would work there. The guys from the funeral home offered to take it up the hill to the gravesite for us, but we insisted on doing that part too.
