I’ve been asked to perform the duty of pallbearer for my Grandfather’s funeral tomorrow. I, naturally, accepted the responsibility.
I’d like to find out where this tradition of pallbearing started. I wonder, specifically, if it is intended to honor the deceased or the bearer.
Any leads to information are very welcome. Your personal opinions and vague memories of explanations are also very welcome. I just need a bit of insight to feel fully comfortable with this.
Thanks for your help.
Disclaimer:
I’ve been reading your boards for quite a while now. I know that you people hate it when a newbie (or anyone else) posts a question without trying for themselves. I assure you that I have tried the usual web engines and even this message board’s search function through the last year. I’m in a time bind.
Thanks.
pall, n. heavy cloth spread over a coffin, hearse, or tomb. Probably before 1200 palle, pal a fine cloth or a covering for an altar, seat, or bed, in Layamon’s Chronicle of Britain; later, a shroud for a corpse or a heavy cloth for a coffin(about 1400); developed from Old English paell, rich cloth, cload, altar cloth, …borrowed from Latin pallium cloak, covering, related to palla robe, cloak, of uncertain origin.
pallbearer n. 1707, one who hold the corners of the pall at a funeral; formed from English pall n. + bearer. By the early 1900’s the function of pallbearers became the carrying of the coffin."
I have been pallbearer more times than I ever wanted to, but I’ve always seen it as a way to ‘pay your respects’ to the departed. In most cases, the people asked to be pallbearers are those that were important in the life of the deceased and/or loved them. It’s a way for people that have shared part of lifes journey with someone to share the dead persons last journey. I think it honors the deceased and the pallbearers equally. I was never more proud than to be one of 6 strapping healthy grandsons when we laid my grandmother to rest. I hope this has helped. My condolences for your loss.
I’m always a bit surprised when close family are called to be pallbearers - although it certainly is an honor, I’d be afraid to be overcome with grief. I merely spoke at my gran’s funeral last November and lost it right in the middle; had I been carrying her coffin at that moment it could have been awkward. (Fortunately, in my family we favor cremation.)
This will be too late to arrive before you perform your duties, but I can shed some light on the thinking of close relatives who are selecting pallbearers.
When my wife of 24 years passed away (5 years ago Nov 17) I chose people who were not of the immediate family because they would be in deep mouring, but picked longterm friends. (One had been the best man at our wedding, in a sort of grim and yet fitting “completion of the cycle” sense) and a cousin of mine I was particularly close to.
When my dad died two years before that, my mom had close friends do the pallbearing but also named several of the older grandchildren as “honorary pallbearers.” It only meant printing their name under that designation on the funeral program. They had no real duties. But it was felt that this would be a connection for them, a way they could feel as if they contributed to the family at a time of sorrow. I don’t know if that’s good or bad psychology in general, but it seemed to have helped them at the time.
My condolences. We ask people to look up so they learn to look up, and under the circumstances, you do not have time.
Being a pallbearer honors both the deceased and the pallbearer. It is also a comfort to the family. Remember, the funeral is intended to be a ceremony for the benefit of the living. It brings family together.
Having been one of a number of speakers at memorial services and a pallbearer, let me put to rest any worry about being in too much grief to carry the deceased: emotionally, it is comforting and very low key. Because there are six, it is not unduly heavy either. Speaking at a memorial is not something I relish because of the temptation to burst out in tears at every moment, and our culture (and most) is not fond of men weeping in public, with sadness or joy. Suffice to say coming to tears in the pews is hard to do with dignity. Pallbearing is a relief by comparison.
Remember to walk slowly, try to get behind an older pallbearer, and get on the side of the casket so you can grasp it with your primary hand.
As tough a day as this will be for you, remember that your grandmother and her children are going to have a very rough day and few weeks. They are likely to have mood swings and short temper. You will get lots of tearful hugs. Bear with them. You need to call your grandmother regularly and help her do things around the house for her. This will help you more than her. (I am assuming that you are in your late teens.)
Again, thanks to those that responded for your sympathy.
I’ve not yet come up with a great history of this pallbearing. I’m not sure that I fully understand it.
I’ve done this twice now. The first was for my Great Uncle’s funeral, ten years ago, when I was still a teenager. I did that for my Mom and didn’t put much thought into it other than my selfish emotions. I was sad but didn’t think much about being a pallbearer. That was my duty for the day.
My Grandmother told me at the viewing that I’d be a pallbearer. My brother had filled me in before she could speak to me – that’s when I posed the original post.
I had not been involved in Granddad’s life to the degree that I would have liked or with which I would be more comfortable. My main concern is that perhaps I wasn’t deserving of the honor of pallbearing. I know that he loved me a great deal and that, regardless of my intentions or actions, that fact stands.
I am glad to have done it for my Granddad and my family. I’m just so sad for what I could have done and never did.
I am very fortunate to have had my Granddad with me through my 28 years. Many do not have that advantage.
(PS: Why would you ass-u-me that I’m in my late teens? The vulgar use of commas?)