The almost certainly impending death of someone near to me has made me think about mourning. That’s right, mourning: armbands-and-widows-sometimes-wearing-black-Sicilian-style-for-the-rest-of-their-lives mourning. This practice does seem to be out of vogue somewhat; there are a few families, relatively recently immigrated to this country, who live near me and about whom I have heard that they practice relatively strict mourning. Otherwise, nothing.
But on the other hand, I’m sure most people don’t go out clubbing, dressed in bright fuschia, a week after their mother’s funeral. So perhaps this custom does indeed live on, albeit a great deal less regimented.
Dopers, what are your mourning practices, if any? Wear black for a certain time period? Abstain from frivolous social contact (whatever that may be) for X amount of time? Share! I’d be interested to hear.
When my son died, I had to buy something to wear to his memorial service. I bought2 dresses, one silk, in a bright blue hawaiian print, the other, was black, with a brightly colored dragon from shoulder to waist. He would have approved of either.
I didn’t go out, not because of some stupid custom, but because I was mourning my loss. Grief is often labeled “reactive depression” Yeah, ok, that’s what it appears to be to all the people impatiently waiting for you to get one with it, and get back to normal.
If you truely loved the person, you won’t need instructions on how to mourn. It comes naturally.
I’ve never had the misfortune to mourn the loss of someone very very close to me as an adult.
I lost my grandfather as a preschooler, and didn’t really get it. His sister (like a grandmother to me) died while living in my parents’ house, and I said goodbye in my own way, celebrating the time we had together. When my dad’s mom died a few months ago, I celebrated her life rather than mourning her death.
I’ve always been this way, thinking that the person is better off no longer suffering. Of course, all the deaths I’ve ever experienced were elderly relatives who were declining rapidly in health and happiness. If I were to lose one of my parents or my brother or Ardred, I’d just have to see what happened with my grief, as I’ve never lost someone “early”.
I cannot wear black as a sign of mourning - I wear nothing else at any time. I try, instead, to show no outward signs of it. I carry on much as usual, choosing to celebrate the life rather than mourn the death. I did this with both my father and my daughter. It works for me.
I don’t (or know anyone who does) have any mourning customs that are time-specific. Y’know. I just act as my mood dictates. But then I’m usually pretty subdued anyway, so there’s not a whole lot of difference.
None. None that I can identify, anyway. I certainly don’t choose to wear (or not wear) any particular item, likewise for any particular activity. If I decide I don’t want to do XYZ, then it’s because I don’t want to do it, because I’m upset because of etc. Not because I’ve any expectation of myself, or anybody has an expectation that I will obey. IMHO, how we treat such situations is personal, very very personal, and unique to each and every person.
Me too. However, if someone in my family died, I would wear white to honor them, not black. Black is not our color of death.
If an outsider died who was close, I’d wear black! So it very much depends on the situation. As for how long? As long as I felt like it & needed it, of course. If it was my husband, when I marry, probably a pretty long time.
For the women: black or navy dresses or suits, pearls or simple brooches. I guess we’re fairly trad. Sometimes hats and gloves in winter.
For the men: dark suits and ties.
Activities: Viewing, two days, afternoon and evening sessions. In between, lunch at a nearby restaurant. Funeral the day after, graveside if weather permits. Snacks and copious drinking at our house after funeral.
Regarding grief and mourning: in my opinion, mourning is more or less a finite activity. Grief is lifelong.
My family doesn’t have any customs. If it did, they died out with the last remaining women who would have perpetuted them.
The only mourning I have ever done was for my mother, but in retrospect, I did it while she was sick and dying. When she died, it was more like a giant wave of relief that she wasn’t suffering anymore. I think I slept for a week.
Thankfully, I’ve never had to suffer the loss of anyone close to me.
But when people who I liked but I didn’t know have died—famous artists, scientists, etc—I’ve got an old cassete with a bagpipe rendition of “Amazing Grace” that I listen to, sometime during the night. That’s about it.
Black suit and tie for the funeral. For a close relative or friend I also try to attend mass on the anniversary of the person’s death each year thereafter.