Panic Attack

The BBQ Pit
1

I admit that the following is a great preparedness plan in case of an emergency such as earthquakes, tornadoes, hurricanes, etc., but Y2K???

This was just distributed to federal employees as part of their employee protection plan.

Give me a fuckin break! Is my home? My office? hell, the WORLD - going to explode January 1, 2000?
Y2K EMERGENCY PREPARDENESS TIPS

Prepare your family emergency plan, which includes a place to reunite.

Choose a contact person outside the State and provide them with a list of people to call and notify for your outside disaster zone.

Locate all exits and safe hiding places in your home.

If you live in a multi-unit building, stay out of elevators.

Learn cardiopulmonary resuscitation (CPR) and first aid…

Make sure everyone over the age of 10 knows how to safely shut off the natural gas, (turn off only when you hear/smell natural gas or if your home sustains major structural damage), water and electricity.

Secure the water heater and heavy appliances and furniture to wall studs.

Move heavy items to lower shelves.

Store flammable liquids outside of the home in approved Underwriter Laboratory (UL) approved containers.

Keep a crowbar under the bed to force open jammed doors and windows.

Keep flashlight, shoes, gloves, clothing, eyeglasses and other necessary items by your bed.
PREPARING YOUR CAR

Maintain a ½ tank of fuel.

Sleeping bags and blankets.

Short rubber hose for siphoning.

First aid kit including drinking water.

Tools (knife, pliers, wire, plumbers tape, etc.).

72 hour kits.

Toilet paper.

Plastic garbage bags.

Spare eyeglasses.

Sturdy shoes and extra clothes, including a winter coat.

Local maps.

Work gloves.
PREPARING YOUR WORKPLACE

Keep emergency fire and police telephone numbers (911).

Non-electric can openers.

Flashlights with extra batteries.

72 hour supply of crucial prescription medications.

Know where the fire extinguishers are located.

72 hour supply of canned or non-perishable foods.

Sleeping bags and blankets.

Bottled water.

Portable radio with extra batteries.

>^,^<
KITTEN
If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.

2

Diane,
That sounds like they just took an earthquake procedures manual and wrote “Y2K” on it! I mean, bolting things to the wall? Moving heavy items to lower shelves?? Cripes!
Here’s my favorite:

Thank God for that…I’m planning on having a heart attack first thing in Y2K…

Personally, I think you should mail the warning back to whoever gave it to you and simply attach your sig to it. very appropriate.

I’m glad that this topic is about Y2K…I was worried you were having panic attacks!

Some mornings it just doesn’t seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.
http://www.angelfire.com/ny3/zettecity/index.html

3

Diane,
first a confession: I programmed in the 70’s!
I don’t remember using only 2 digits for the year, but since the system was about predicting demand for UK telephone lines, I don’t think it matters much.
That leaflet is more frightening than the Y2 bug.

‘Locate all exits and safe hiding places in your home.’
Why, is there going to be an emergency that simultaneously involves staying and leaving?

‘If you live in a multi-unit building, stay out of elevators.’
I suppose if you live in a single unit building, there won’t be any elevator to stay out of…

Learn cardiopulmonary resuscitation (CPR) and first aid…
OK, this is sensible at any time.

Make sure everyone over the age of 10 knows how to safely shut off the natural gas, (turn off only when you hear/smell natural gas or if your home sustains major structural damage), water and electricity.
Gosh, those computer systems do as much damage as a hurricane! (and why can’t a youngster turn things off…)

‘Secure the water heater and heavy appliances and furniture to wall studs.
Move heavy items to lower shelves.’
Hey, computers can cause tornadoes!!

‘Keep a crowbar under the bed to force open jammed doors and windows.’
Hey, computers can cause earthquakes!!!

‘Keep flashlight, shoes, gloves, clothing, eyeglasses and other necessary items by your bed.’
Actually I like to have a glass of water, in case I’m thirsty. An alarm clock suits my lifestyle too…

OK, enough of the sarcasm already. Could it really be that there’s a lot of lawyers in the USA (some of my best friends are…), and they’re trying to avoid being sued for anything at all?

I just had deja vu, and I’m sure it’s happened before…

4

Dianne, I think you’re sig line says it all. What kind of ninnies would publish tripe like that. Personally, I think my eyeglasses are probably Y2K compliant. And why just a half tank of gas?

So much for calm and rational thinking.

“The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.” - Humphrey Bogart

5

My guess is that Washington instructed head of it’s departments to come up with employee preparedness instructions for Y2K, and the assignment was passed down the line until it got to some doofus who knows nothing about Y2K so he just changed the “EARTHQUAKE PREPAREDNESS” title to “Y2K PREPAREDNESS”.

(Damn that was a long sentence.)

But JEEEEZUS! It doesn’t take a brain to see just how stupid the final product really is!

In defense of my office, this was not a local publication, but one that came from the “higher ups”.

That’s the Feds for ya.

>^,^<
KITTEN
If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.

6

It’s probably a very good idea for that to be issued, Diane.
As you all know (well, you probably don’t, but I thought I’d piss off Revtim whilst I was at it), I’m an IT consultant. I get asked questions like, “Do you think I should go out and buy a flashlight for Y2K?”. I used to make cruel fun of questions like that one, and the people who asked them, until it dawned on me that the people asking me that question didn’t own a flashlight.
Some people just don’t Get It. They wouldn’t prepare for a blizzard if dire wolves and woolly mammoths were heading south for the eon. They wouldn’t prepare for an earthquake if Poseidon beat to their knees with a catfish. And if they were living on the slopes of Vesuvius, and it started belching smoke and lava, they’d whine, “Hey! That ash is getting all over my teak patio furniture!” Pronounce the magic term “Y2K”, however, and they’ll bust their stones (or other appropriate parts of their anatomies) to get ready.
The real problem will be when Hurricane Chuck hits in September 2000, and they’ve all spent all their pocket change, eaten their pantries bare, and let the batteries in their flashlight go dead. But we’ll have done our best.

Before you ask the question, be certain that you want to know the answer.

7

LOL, Akat! The party favors I’ve picked for my Y2K fete are a mini-Maglite, a roll of duct tape and a bottle of Poland Spring. Hope they keep ‘till September.

Livin’ on Tums, Vitamin E and Rogaine

8

My mother works at a casino.

They have a Y2K emergency plan.

Being wise, they have scheduled a practice session for the plan.

On January 20th.
– Sylence

“The problem with reality is the lack of background music.” – Anon

9

Sure, it’s a real riot to spoof the Y2K problem.
But let me ask you this: What steps have you taken to ensure that your toaster is compliant?

Just as I thought. Suddenly, it’s not funny anymore, is it?

If you’re hot, that’s good.
If you’re cool, that’s good.

I don’t get it.

10

glee wrote:

That’s nothing. On my last programming contract, I was ordered not to make the product Year 2038 compliant! The reasoning was that I would be introducing a new (albeit Microsoft-sanctioned) data type to store dates and times, and they were afraid that this would break existing code, and besides, they had deadlines to meet and my programming skills could be better put to use on other bugs, dog gone it.

(January 19, 2038 is one of the big upcoming “break” dates for a lot of software. See my article at http://www.netcom.com/~rogermw/Y2038.html if you don’t believe me.)

11

Here’s something else to think about.

At my last job, I spent a bunch of time fixing Y2K bugs in our programs. By policy, this was to be done by checking whether the year field was equal to zero. The effect of this is that instead of indicating a year from 1900-1999, the two-digit number now indicates a year from 1901-2000.

As long as I didn’t make any stupid mistakes, all those systems will work perfectly after the “odometer” rolls over; that’s just fine and dandy. However, at 12:01 am on 01/01/2001, every single program modified in this way will quietly cease to function.

If one company is doing this, there must be others, and there’s no telling how many extra years each program is coded for. I plan to be very slightly nervous on each New Year’s Eve from now on.

Laugh hard; it’s a long way to the bank.

12

My toaster doesn’t work now. Will it get worse on New Year’s Day?

JB
Lex Non Favet Delictorum Votis

13

Did you hear about the scam in Hong Kong where some clever con artists sold a worried woman pills that would protect her from the Y2K ‘Bug’?

14

JBENZ, yup. When that bread pops out it won’t even be baked anymore. Just a gooey mass of yeast, water and flour. Unless it’s raisin bread, then you’ll get grapes too.

15

I received an email from a friend in the u.s. navy with a list of to do’s to prepare for y2K…it apparently came from some big wig on his ship… unfortunately the next day he forwarded the apology from the big wig for sending a virus along with the original list of to do’s… go figure…guess i should have listened to #3 on the list…don’t accept any unauthorized emails

We are, each of us angels with only one wing;
and we can only fly by
embracing one another

16

…in case your heart isn’t Y2K compliant.

“I hope life isn’t a big joke, because I don’t get it,” Jack Handy

17

Pooch wrote:

Heck, in 1910 certain shucksters were selling “comet pills” that would protect you from the vanishingly small amount of cyanide gas in the tail of Haley’s Comet that the Earth was about to pass through. Never mind that all such molecules would burn up on their way through the upper atmosphere.

Quick-N-Dirty Aviation: Trading altitude for airspeed since 1992.

18

Woops! Typo. That sould read “Halley’s Comet”, not Haley’s Comet. As far as I know, no one has yet sold any pills that would make you immune to Bill Haley and the Comets. (Though ear plugs would probably work.)

19

manhattan wrote:

Maglites are great. They’re the only flashlights I’ve found where the switch will outlast the batteries.

Outside of a flashlight, the 2 next best things I’d recommend for disaster preparedness are: (1) several jugs of drinkable water (adding a tiny bit of chlorine bleach to tapwater and then sealing it artight can keep it drinkable for 5 years); and (2) a camp stove and enough fuel to run it for a long while.

We here on the west coast had a big interstate power outage a couple years ago that knocked out the power in random neighborhoods for several hours. I have an electric stove. For the length of the outage, I had all this good food in my freezer and I couldn’t cook any of it. Even when dinner time rolled around. That ain’t happenin’ again…

Quick-N-Dirty Aviation: Trading altitude for airspeed since 1992.

20

And inside of a flashlight, the 2 best things are a couple of new batteries.