Pants don't fit me!

The BBQ Pit
1

This isn’t like Freejooky, Weird fucking pants! - The BBQ Pit - Straight Dope Message Board , one single pair. This is every single pair of pants I have tried.

Okay, so as I’m aging (aren’t we all?), my waist size has frustratingly managed to increase slightly. I’m no longer in the nice 32" waist, sadly passed through 34" waist, and am now wearing 36" pants. While that in itself is mildly annoying, you gotta wear the pants that fit you.

But that’s where the problem begins. Ever since I’ve gotten into 36" waist pants, none of them wear right. They all have the same problem, the crotch hangs too low. No, seriously, there’s like a 2 inch gap between me and the seam of the pants.

They’re uncomfortable, they feel saggy, and the biggest problem is they chafe. The seam runs against the legs, and the legs rub against each other, and it’s uncomfortable.

For those of you unaware, men pant sizes are defined by two numbers: the waist and the inseam. The waist measurement is, like it sounds, the circumference of your waist. The inseam measurement is the distance from the crotch to the bottom of the pant leg. But the thing is, the important fit criteria that is ignored is standard, the distance from the waist to the crotch. And people are not standard.

So I’m left with two options. I can either wear my belt around my waist, and let the crotch sag and chafe and generally be annoyed. Or I can hike my pants up to my armpits so the crotch is in the right place. Okay, I exaggerate, but seriously I would have to wear the pants up like an inch below my belly button in order to have the crotch fit right.

And there’s no way to do that with a belt. No really, the belt sits on the hip bones at the waist, where it has fit all my life. I would have to wear suspenders (i.e. braces) in order to hold them up, and then I’d still look like an ignoramus - not because I’m wearing suspenders, but because my pants are pulled up to my belly button. And let’s not mention how wearing the pants that way would only accentuate a certain anatomical form I wish were less prominent, the part the gets me into 36" waist pants in the first place.

The thing is, I’ve tried every brand of jeans I can find, slacks, khaki’s, etc. Even shorts. No, they don’t have an inseam measurement, but they are all still cut the same in the crotch. It’s driving me batty.

You’ve seen old men with their pants pulled way up and wondered why they wear them that way and if they’re aware how dumb they look? Well, now I know why - their pants don’t fit! The crotch is too far below the waistline, and there’s no comfortable way to wear them.

Hell, you know what really sucks? It even affects my friggin’ underwear. Yep, I said it. And it’s not like I’m a boxers kind of guy, where things hang free. Nope. I like some support down there. Yes, I wear briefs. Well, guess what, I have to roll my friggin’ waistband down to take up the slack. I’ve tried wearing a smaller size and just stretching out the waistband, but the problem is the leg openings are a bit tight.

And before anyone brings up kilts, I know some people who wear those, but I just can’t bring myself to wear a skirt. Not gonna happen.

So folks, the next time you see some guy out and about without any trousers on, it’s me. I just can’t take it any more. Let me apologize in advance. I’m sorry you have to see that, but it can’t be helped. Pants don’t fit me.

2

I think it all boils down to the shrunken elderly genitals.

3

Not all parts shrink.

4

Like this?
If it helps any, I’ve got it too. Ever since I gave birth to my son, and didn’t loze the extra weight, my pants, AND T-shirts all roll away from my belly. All shirts that used to cover my belly, now roll up. I’ve got to start wearing longer shirts, not to hide my hips, but not to expose my belly button.

5

That’s called the rise. Try looking for pants marked Short, they generally have a shorter rise, as short men tend to have shorter waist. Hopefully, you’re not too tall that they end up being highwaters, but if so you may opt for having them lengthened by a tailor. Alterations are not as costly as you’d think.

6

A tip I learned from the g/f is to roll the wasit of the jeans and thus making crotch rise. Doesnt work if you want to tuck in your shirts but sometimes I’ll do this when running out for an errand or two. Also negates the need to wear a belt.

7

Two additional options for you to consider: 1. Hit the gym. 2. Custom pants.

8

Well balanced diet and dally exercise will take care of the extra weight, and help you avoid any number of physical ailments.

9

Oh shit. Hope you’ve got a Nomex suit laying around. Rule #1 on the SDMB is never to tell an overweight person that their diet has anything to do with it.

10

Denegrating people because they are fat is a nasty thing to do, and calls for flaming.

In a thread complaining about weight gain, pointing out that a well balanced diet and daily exercise can take care of the extra weight and can help avoid any number of physical ailments is helpful and well grounded advice.

Very significant difference between the two.

11

Well, it may help and is a good idea to eat right and stay active at any age, but you can’t really discount the fact that the OP mentioned aging and it’s pretty understandable that as metabolism wanes and the body starts to fall apart, keeping weight off can be much more challenging.

I’m not saying it’s an excuse to not eat well and stay active, but the age-related weight creep is a fact that is not just a result of a sedentary, fast food lifestyle. And for Pete’s sake, he’s Irish! Are you surely suggesting he scale back the Guinnesses? Are you mad!? :wink:

12

[QUOTE=Muffin;10830815

Very significant difference between the two.[/QUOTE]

One would think so, wouldn’t they? Anyway, good luck.

13

Growing older makes it all the more important to focus on diet and exercise.

BTW, this summer my 22 person women’s canoe crew (breast cancer survivors), with an average age in the mid-60s, defeated a women’s Canadian military crew with an average age in the mid-20. Diet and exercise. It works, and it beats the alternative of becoming sedentary and overweight, for that’s how lot of health problems kick in as one ages.

14

So, you’re telling me that none of the canoe crew have pot-bellies? I’m not saying you’re wrong, but you can’t maintain the same diet and exercise routine at 35 as you can at 65. Your body just works differently.

Well, unless you’re Jack LaLanne. Dayum, that guy is freakin’ amazing! Love JL.

15

Some of the crew are skinny, some of the crew are fat. The point is that they all came to a decision in their lives that they wanted to improve their health. The team has been together for a decade, and over the years the folks carrying more weight than they would like have droped down to where they want to be. Occasionally a new member joins the team, and after a couple of years they too are down to a weight they are comfortable with. And most significantly, they are out performing people decades younger than them. The attention to diet and exercise works.

You certainly can maintain a substantially similar diet and exercise routine at 65 as at 35. Muscle mass is not as good, and should there be an injury, the recover rate truly sucks, but aside from that there is not a huge difference. A balanced diet is a balanced diet. Tweak it as necessary, but the bottom line is there is nothing about growing older that necessitates taking in more calories than one uses. The same thing goes for exercise. Strength, endurance, and flexibility all decrease with aging, but there is nothing about growing older that necessitates not working on strength, endurance and flexibibility.

Just take an hour a day for exercise, and think about what you eat, whether you are a teenager, a young parent, a middle-aged overworked desk jockey, a senior, or an elderly person. It’s that simple, and it is key to living longer and living in a more healthy state longer.

16

I was only suggesting that metabolism can be affected by aging and age-related conditions. The key to maintaining healthy weight is matching caloric intake to caloric expenditure, of course. And caloric expenditure is tied to metabolic rate, which is highly variable in individuals for a variety of reasons.

Your answer, while true and significant, was simplistic, couched in absolutes, and assumes that the OP does not have health issues related to aging and reduced metabolism that may be the culprit behind the weight gain. It could very well be too many Guinnesses in front of the telly, but let’s at least not allude that it is.

Besides, your answer still leaves him pantless until he rids himself of his extended gut. Weight doesn’t just drop off overnight. What’s he supposed to wear in the meantime?

17

Incidentally, your username is making me hungry.

18

Aye, march proudly. http://www.stevesullivan.co.uk/heapmov.html

19

I’ve noticed that as a lot of guys get older, they get fatter but they lose their butts. Did you lose your butt? (You have my permission to look for it with both hands.) If so, to the Stairmaster with you!

Seriously, a newly acquired case of Flat Butt would cause your pants to do that saggy crotch chafey thing. You can always, I don’t know, wear two wallets or something, if you don’t like the Stairmaster.

20

Maastricht, yes, that is the look I’m talking about. I’m not that bad yet, but that’s the look on older men that I refer to.

And where would one find men’s pants marked “short”?

Yeah, because that doesn’t look dumb. Besides, I tuck.

Yeah, because it’s way too hard for pants makers to make pants that fit.

Except this thread isn’t really complaining about weight gain, it’s complaining that pants are apparently designed in one standard fit that doesn’t actually fit. I mean, I can’t be unique in my body shape, I can’t be the only person suffering from this problem. Oh, wait, I’m not. See the pictures by Maastricht.

I don’t notice my butt being particularly missing. I’ve never had a sprinter’s ass, but I don’t think it’s particularly changed. Hmm, maybe I should just eat more donuts, so my ass will fit my waist. :wink: