My advice is to remember that we are all doing this for the first time. Even if it’s your sixth kid, you’ve never had six kids before, and not that particular sixth kid. Seriously, we are all winging it, and given the stakes, somewhat terrified.
Ha! I’ve only been a parent for a month, but I know exactly what you are talking to. I made it out to a get together the other day, and saw all the people moving about the city, and all I could think was “Who are these people? What are their lives? Such strange creatures, doing whatever they want after work…”
Sometimes I’ll have to leave work early (or come in later) because my children need me. It doesn’t mean I’m doing fewer hours than the rest of the team, just that now and again work doesn’t come first and I’ll pick up my hours at home later.
And yes, if your dog is ill and needs to visit the vet, or your elderly parent has a fall, you’ll get the same level of flexibility from me.
Oh, isn’t this the “princess, not-my-kid, my kid is perfect” parenting you were just complaining about?
Wow. These kids these days, next thing you know they’ll be growing their hair past their collars and wearing bellbottoms. The world is going to hell in a handbasket, I tells ya. Back when I was a kid…blah, blah, blah…
Note to non-parents, not all parenting is the same at all times, and all kids are different, all the time.
There’s also a huge difference between gender, behaviour as well as single child and multiple siblings parenting.
No, my kid is laughably far from perfect. She just doesn’t behave in a way that is disturbing to strangers and never picked up that habit. No matter what else is wrong with her (don’t get me started!), I got that part right–or got lucky.
The “my kid is perfect” attitude I’m talking about is the oblivious attitude that occurs while the kid is blatantly acting like a shit and the parents act like its cute or age-appropriate and thus ignorable.
My advice to people who don’t have kids and don’t particularly want to be around kids is to treat families with small children as though they are a swarm of hornets. Don’t mess with them and they probably won’t mess with you. If you see them someplace that they have a legitimate right to be in, just run away quickly to leave the area. If you see them someplace that they don’t have a right to be, alert the authorities to have them expeditiously removed.
Children are not rational creatures, but parents are (or at least should be.) If you have an inkling that your child is being unusually disruptive, you have an obligation to at least try to minimize the impact on other diners. That’s just being polite, plain and simple.
I am a pretty patient person, but we had dinner the other night (at a reasonably upscale, non-family type restaurant) and there were two young kids who were screaming and shrieking for the duration of the meal. These were obviously unhappy kids, and the mom just ignored them. Worse still, she had a #$*(@ nanny with her, and they just acted like nothing was happening. That is not fair to other diners.
But I assume this thread was not intended to turn into a Pit thread, so maybe we should just leave it at that.
Have you found the immense relief yet in getting over yourself? That was my most gratifying Moment after I had my daughter. About three months in I realized that I hadn’t been spending hours in my closet, hours at the gym, hours in front of a magnifying mirror, or wakeful nights wondering if I’d said the right thing, pining away for lost love, or all those other poetic but dead-end meanderings that occupied a brain better spent doing constructive things. One day, when she’s much older, I’ll thank my daughter for helping me get over myself. For now, though, I’ll just send a reassuring nod your way: you’re growing, even if you’re exhausted and every minute is consumed with tasks and milestones.
Uh…sorry, but I’m gonna call you out on that. Unless your kid has a mental disorder, they can be taught appropriate behavior. Here are some strategies:
-Never ever ever buy them a treat that they’ve begged for, and point out that you don’t buy treats that are begged for.
-Allow them to pick out a treat at the store if they show good behavior. Make this treat be something you were planning on buying anyway (maybe some chips, or some dried fruit, or a flavor of jam, or whatever), but they can choose which one. If they’re jerks at the store, skip that treat entirely.
-Allow them to look at the candy if they put their hands behind their backs and keep their faces away from it. I’ve had multiple cashiers thank me for this one. When my daughter forgot and picked up a candy bar, I scooped her up and held her and commiserated about how she didn’t get to look at the candy this time.
-If they behave in line, let them press the green button on the credit card machine. It does nothing but is immensely satisfying when you’re four, for some reason :).
Your strategy retaliates on the minimum wage checkout clerks for a decision made by their regional manager. That’s unfair, and more importantly, unnecessary.
I know two women who think/thought they knew what raising kids was like, because they have worked in daycare centers. One of them is finding this out with her toddler; the other has had numerous miscarriages and IVF treatments, and refuses to accept that SHE.JUST.ISNT.SUPPOSED.TO.HAVE.CHILDREN. And considering some of her ideas about discipline, it’s probably just as well. I would never tell her that, however.
p.s. One aspect of infertility treatment that isn’t discussed is when it works, and one or both of them regrets it. I have read about infertility clinics that give prospective clients a Baby Think It Over, and in a surprising number of cases, the BTIO is returned first thing the next morning and the couple never pursues further treatment. :eek: Wish I could find a link.
Well, speaking as a Dad… I’m afraid you’re not the only one who gets that response.
I got it myself when I was single, and still do, when I’m not accompanied by my wife or son.
In this day and age, people are so paranoid about pedophiles and kidnappers that any single male who talks to a kid is suspect. I confess, there have been times when I’ve stifled my instinct o soothe a crying child or help one who’s just fallen and hurt himself/herself, just because I’m worried my intentions will be misinterpreted.
Over 30 years ago, when I was a teenager working at Target, I learned VERY quickly never to tell parents how well-behaved their children were, because they would always reply, “Come back in 10 minutes and you’ll be singing a different tune.”
Are you joking? Anyone who works a full day in a daycare center, responsible for the well-being of multiple kids at a time for 8-10 hours straight, has a pretty damn good idea of what it’s like to have children. A really damn good idea.
[QUOTE=Sattua]
Don’t have kids unless you’re absolutely sure you want them. Then, don’t have 'em before you’re 30.
[/QUOTE]
Waiting till after 30 for no reason is a great way to wind up flushing your savings into the Fertility Treatment Toilet. Especially if you want more than one kid. Breed in time.
No. They know how to take care of kids, but not how to parent. At the end of the day, they go home to a (presumably, given the topic) childless house and don’t have to worry about children for another 12-16 hours.
They’re not responsible for…
… teaching the child morality
… paying for the child
… being legally responsible for the child
… dealing with the children once they grow too old for day care
… signing legal documents on behalf of the child
… knowing where the child is 24/7/365
… the child’s overall health
… the child’s overall development
… the child’s college fund
I mean, I could go on but I’m sure you get the idea. It’s the difference between playing a role for 8 hours and actually living the life. Idris Elba might play a mean gangster, but in a gun fight, I’ll take the guy with 2 jail terms for aggravated assault with a deadly weapon any day.
Who are you to say she “isn’t supposed to have children”? How many miscarriages are we each allotted before this is the case? And who is doing the supposing?
How do you know she isn’t preordained to have five miscarriages and eight fertility treatments before giving birth to the baby that grows up to cure cancer?
How does FIFTEEN (yes, one-five) sound to you? It’s not my body or my decision, but I would think that something like that is a big old red flag that You Are Not Supposed To Have Children.
If you said she may not be ABLE to have children, that would be different. You’re implying that some force beyond her physiology is preventing her from having them, since she would be a bad parent. The fact that someone cannot conceive is not a strike against their character or potential parenting abilities.
Yeah, I say. That’s twice as much as the 4 waking hours most working parents see them. You may want to dial the flippancy back a notch.
You aren’t familiar with decent day care if you’re going to assert that day care teachers/workers aren’t responsible for teaching the child morality. And I can name a bunch of moms or dads who aren’t handling many of the issues you brought up above, because their spouse handles it. Does that mean they don’t have any idea what it’s like to be a parent? Does a working dad not have any idea what it’s like to be a parent because he isn’t spending as many hours a day with it as his wife? What about a wife whose husband handles all the finances, insurance and legal issues?
Remember, I never said they knew exactly what it was like to be a parent. I said they have a pretty good idea, and I stand by that.
I have read about infertility clinics that give prospective clients a Baby Think It Over, and in a surprising number of cases, the BTIO is returned first thing the next morning and the couple never pursues further treatment. :eek: Wish I could find a link.
