Parent/Toddler Tantrums Tip Tempers

I’m not a parent, but I’ve been involved in the upraising of several friends’ kids and, let me say, it’s not as hard as your SuperMarket Mom makes it look like.

Why oh Why in the name of Omnipotent Beings do these parents insist on doing things that they ‘know’ will make their kids sit there and SCREAM their head off like their organs are being removed through their ass?

If a 25 Cent pack of bubble gum will make your kid happy, is there a reason why you have to stand there and take up everyone elses time while you fight with your four year old? If something so pathetic as that will make him/her happy, give it to them for God’s sakes. I can understand fighting with them if they’re pointing out a 200$ Super Blaster Kill All Non-Nazi’s Buster Rifle toy, but honestly, by the time you have to worry about your kids wanting a Playstation 5 or a Car, they should be old enough to have a concept of the value of a dollar; don’t stand there and throw your self-righteous authoritarian crap around over a goddamn pack of gum or some other similarly inexpensive unconsequential appeasement apparatus.

If you have the slightest grab on raising a child, you should be able to handle the ‘I want’ curb without having to spoil your child or send them into throw-down fits of agony in public that make other people around you want to tantrum along with him.

Get this; you’re not impressing anybody with your Iron Fist of Child Behaviour. They’re just going to rebel on you ten years later with drugs, alcohol, jail time and surrogate children but hey; at least they won’t be fat!

The problem with giving the kid the bubblegum is that it teaches the child that acting out gets you what you want.

This does not excuse the parents forcing everyone else to put up with a scene. Many times CairoSpouse or I left a public area with CairoSon when he was acting out, so that others did not have to listen to his misbehavior.

We have several mantras we use in childrearing.* One that we used when he was younger was “whining doesn’t work.” He caught on pretty quickly.

*Others: “It’s nice to be smart, but it is smart to be nice” and “Parents always win.”

It shows.

Preach it, brother.

NinetyWt, mom of four.

Yeah, if they start whining from the get-go, that’s another one-thing, but I’ve heard kids ask and even use ‘please’ and actually get screamed at. Now, I’m not going to claim I know what might’ve taken place earlier in the day (say like the child was being punished for earlier insubordination…however some parents are quick to tell the whole world about it if, indeed, something precursored this public event) but one of my Best friends has two kids and I’m not even going to begin to say they’re the most well-behaved… But, case in point;

I was sitting their kids along with a friend of mine for a whole day. My friend and his wife were both at work. Friend A and a I were playing some Guild Wars on our computers and the two boys (one age five, the other age one) were sitting there in the living room watching Spider Man 2, which then lead into Happy Feet and then quietly playing with some Thomas the Tank toys. For 9 hours straight we hardly knew they existed more than five feet from us. Not 10 minutes did their parents get home was the 1y/o in the kitchen screaming to the point of an anurism and the 5y/o was in his room being punished for something me and Friend A did not even know what for or how it happened. From then on it was Friend B’s wife constantly screaming (and she screams even in normal conversations; just one of those loud, not-purposely obnoxious people by default) at the kids, at her husband, back to the kids. Mostly it was because they wanted attention or a drink or something. Don’t get me wrong; I love my friend to death, but all I keep going back to is that psychotic mom at the store whom you swear enjoys having at it with her kid right there.

I even had to step in on one occassion where a mother started backhanding her seven year old. I got the “don’t tell me how to raise my kids” lecture and all I could respond with was “someone should” and the flash of a badge and that seemed to shut her up.

All though, I’m leery of having my own kids because, chances are, I’d be the one having the tantrum and my child would be the one telling ‘me’ to shut up or it’s straight to bed with no dinner.

From page 117 of “Mesquite-oh’s Guide on How to Guarantee that Your Child Will Throw an Exponentially Bigger, Badder, Louder, and more Destructive Tantrum Everytime They Want Something”

Giving in to a tantrum kid is like dealing with the Mafia. They smell weakness, they smell fear, they know what you are going to think before you think it. Once you give them the upper hand, it is over. They own you now,and they will give you peace ONLY when you meet with their demands. :smiley:

So, FF, did you just start a new OP, or was your post #5 supposed to be related more than peripherally to your post #1 in a way that I’m not getting?

Not sure it’s as incorporeal as that, but, the idea is, they may be children, but you can easily comprimise with them as you would with any adult. You can haggle, you can make bets, you can barter and trade. If your idea of raising your child is “well, that’s how ‘I’ was raised” or you’re an unmitigated control freak desperately in need of something to order around, then you seriously ought to think of keeping your pants in the upright and locked position.

I can’t vouch for everyone, but the only ones who win by screaming and threatening are armed burglars and Drill Seargents.

I have the perfect answer for that. “Huh?” :dubious:

I take it you don’t agree with me, which is fine, but there’s no reason to try to discredit or humiliate me. This isn’t a political debate, FCOL.

So the lesson you would teach the child is that if they make an unreasonable demand, they can cadge something, even if not what they first demanded?

From where I’m sitting, you started this OP as a rant against parents who didn’t give in to their children’s petty demands so that they didn’t annoy you, and now that your backside is being handed to you, you are attempting to segue into something else.

When in hole, stop digging.

Was I unclear here or…is there another version of English I haven’t picked up on yet.

I started this board as a parenting debate; not the fact that something as mentioned previously annoys solely me and all I want to do is whine about it. I’m eager to hear other’s opinions on the ever changing (and rapidly degrading) methods of raising a child in the face of an ever changing (and rapidly degrading) modern world.

Take your Big Brother-wannabe ‘uppity’ attitude elsewhere. Not that you will, but I figured I would try to make my point that you’re being a nuissance, which is moot because you probably don’t care. And, seeing that you don’t care, why are you here again? Your personal attack against me is validated how? Try considering these before you post your next “I w1n u Looz!” as accentuated by the “backside handed to me” remark.

Something tells me you were among the children we’re discussing here. If I give you bubblegum, will you discontinue the harrassment?

So anyway, you were telling us how if the child makes an unreasonable demand you can haggle, you can make bets, you can barter and trade. And I asked you if the lesson you would teach the child is that if they make an unreasonable demand, they can cadge something, even if not what they first demanded. What’s your answer?

I could never stand that comic strip “Cathy”, but there was a funny one, where Cathy is visiting her married friend, and the latter’s baby keeps asking a cute little voice, “wanna cookie”. Cathy can’t understand why her friend keeps resisting this cute little request, and in the end (and against mom’s wishes) gives the baby a cookie herself. \

Immediately the tot throws a tantrum, “WANNA 'NOTHER COOKIE!!! COOKIE!!! COOKIE!!! COOKIE!!! BWAAAH!!!”

And in the last panel, Cathy remarks, “I can’t believe you don’t have better control over your children.”

Aahhah. I actually remember that one, too. It’s a half-way true stereotype, but just outright observation can prove that that kind of thing does not happen most of the time. I’m not going to sit here and blow out statistics and IMHO bull, I just run with what I’ve seen and heard and tested in my own time. What worked for parenting 50 years ago just isn’t true for today. I’m not sure if it’s, in some way, a form of human evolution, but babies are being born smarter and adapt more quickly than our parents and our grandparents did while they were growing up.

The over all idea is, children today; including myself, as I’m a Gen-Next, are not as receptive to domination and control. We want what we need and we need what we want and we’ll crush anything that stands between that and we find ourselves constantly saying ‘Why!’ to rules and common senses that our parents/grand parents have always come to terms with.

Just think about that for like, ten minutes and if you don’t find yourself going “Huh…that’s kinda true” then you’re just not paying attention.

This isn’t so much a complaint or a personal attack on Princhester (somehow that message went out to that person and I can’t fathom how or why. Damn Baby-boomers.) but more of an arguement on the changing values of mankind. I don’t want to get philosophical here, but can’t everyone step back and just look at how we’re misinterpreting a strong and sudden change in the human condition for standard-issue misbehaviour?

What I want everyone to do today is, in your travels, when you see a youngin’, gauge everything about him from clothes all the way down to actions and intelligence, then compare him to either yourself and/or your friends at their age. Now take those differences and see if you can find a less obvious observation.

Ya know, I once had that attitude, 'til my parents thrashed it out of me at about age seven or so. Glad they did, too. Self-entitlement doesn’t go over all that well when you have to do things like move out of the basement and look for a job.

Huh…that’s kinda…the funniest thing I’ve heard all day.

So… what exactly is this mythical process of evolution which makes chillun’ today (* toddlers*, even) suddenly not “receptive to domination and control” (hmmm…domination, now THERE’s a loaded word) as contrasted to every other generation for the last X-ty thousand years?

I’m hearing the words “Indigo child” rattling round in my skull right about now. And that ain’t a good thing.

(I must admit though, it’s kinda different having an OP about parents and children that doesn’t begin with “Parents! Control your hellspawn!” and keep going from there. I mean, when was the last time we were all lambasted for not indulging our children enough? Let’s enjoy it while it lasts!)

Pray tell, what kind of badge would that be?

Mickey Mouse Club. Works every time.

I don’t know what Fox Frenzy is on about – in fact, I’m not sure he’s sober right now – but as long as the subject has come up, I’d like to share a couple of anecdotes that I was too late to put in the latest Pit thread about misbehaving kids.

– Once when I was about six or so, I was visiting my gramma. (Not the one who lived to be 105; the other one.) Tastykake pies were plentiful where she was, and rare where I lived. There was some talk that if I was good all day, I would get a Tastykake pie when we went to the market. So I was good all afternoon, and when we were finishing up at the market, a kid about my age or a little younger was tearing around the aisles shrieking. No parent in sight, but we could hear the “eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee” Dopplering past us and back again. I said nothing, but when we got to the checkout, I looked at the pies, and looked at Gramma, and looked again at the pies, and she put two in her basket. One for now and one to take home. :cool:

– A few years ago, I was at Mickey Dee’s with two friends of mine and three kids between them. We were in the family area, or whatever you call it, and the kids were messing around on the play equipment. Some other kid pushed Hannah, who was about three, out of his way so he could get to the slide. Kathy, who was not Hannah’s mom, said “Now, now, we don’t do that,” or something to that effect, and he stared at her. Then Soccer Mom huffs up and asks, “What did you say to my son?” Kathy repeated herself, and SM retorted, “I THINK I know how to raise my child!”

“Obviously not,” said Kathy, as SM was walking away. Now, Hannah’s mom hadn’t heard this exchange, but afterwards I mentioned it just offhandedly, and to my surprise, it smoothed over some little dispute between the two of them.

– I guess the moral is that there has to be a bad so you know what good is.

I’d like you to read this over again, and ask yourself how very silly one would have to be to believe that human nature has changed significantly over the past 25 or so years, starting with you and your Very Special Generation.

Before you start telling me how to raise my kids, have some of your own. Before you start talking evolution, learn something about how it works. Before you start telling us how The World Is Changing, read some history. And before you start unravelling the Mysteries of Life for us, live for a while longer, why don’t you?

Dude, when come back, bring perspective.