Parents, this isn't the time (long).

The BBQ Pit
1

Like most people in this world, I know that parenting is a tough job. Heck, I’m doubtful that *tough * even begins to encompass all of the work, dedication, and intelligence that it takes to be a **good ** parent.

I also understand that the wee ones have to be taught lessons about how to appropriately act in public and, because of this, kids will often be caught displaying less than perfect social behavior. This is fine. But, as all good parents know, there are times to teach lessons and times when you just need to have your kid sit the hell down and shut the hell up. This is about the latter.

So parents, it is not the time to teach your kids lessons when:

[ul]
[li] It’s noon and you, your wittle pwecious, 15 other people, and myself are in line at Subway; you are, of course, in the front of the line. I am sure that in America, with our growing waistlines, it is VITALLY important that your child knows how to order his big, fat sandwich. Unfortunately, he’s four years old. [/li]
No, really- it isn’t cute when you ask W.P. what kind of bread he’d like. In fact, I’m positive that your child does not know the difference between white, wheat, Italian herb and cheese, honey oat, or something with asiago cheese. Hell, I’d be willing to wager that the only kind of bread your kid knows is the kind Mommy (or Daddy) gives him. So, do us all a favor: when it is really busy, please don’t take up 20 minutes (yes, it was literally 20 minutes- people were just leaving) teaching your Wittle Pwecious the intricacies of lettuce versus spinach on his 6 inch, ham and American, on white bread.
[li]Again, it’s lunch time. The bank has one ATM. You walk up to the ATM with W.P. “Here, W.P.- help Mommy get the money!” Again, this is a truly important skill in our capitalist society; heck, the way things are going, that kid is going to have his own line of credit by the time he hits preschool. Unfortunately, the other 10 of us that have lined up behind you would like to get back to school/work/our hookers (hey, I’ve only got a few hours). [/li]
Please do not take 20 minutes to teach W.P. how to use an ATM (which, mind you, he isn’t even tall enough to see the screen). By the way, it REALLY isn’t a good idea that your kid was repeating your pin number, over and over, in a scream for the world to hear.
[li]We are at a restaurant at dinner time. Granted, we’re talking about Applebee’s here, but- damnit- I’d like to enjoy my semi-tasty cheeseburger without your child screeching bloody murder in my left ear. Your kid was screaming for over 10 minutes, volume increasing as he went along; in fact, he was screaming over the music, sports, and people talking in the background (we all know, Applebee’s isn’t a quiet place). You were getting dirty looks galore because your kid is getting louder and louder as time increases.[/li]
After about 10 minutes I gave you a look, not a dirty one, just a “dude, que?” look. You turn to me and say, “Oh, we’re trying a new behavior technique where we ignore his screaming.” See, this is where you get the dirty look from me, stupid, bad parent-bitch.

THIS IS NOT THE TIME. Feel free to try new behavior techniques with your kids- hell, do whatever works- but CLEARLY this new technique is NOT working. Your kid screamed the entire time you were eating. The manager spoke to you, but you just gave your ignorant lil’ cheerful reply and he bought it. We got an apology from the staff and our meal comped, but honestly- bitch, this isn’t the time![/ul]
Whew, I feel so much better now.

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[QUOTE=DiosaBellissima]
[ul][li] It’s noon and you, your wittle pwecious, 15 other people, and myself are in line at Subway; you are, of course, in the front of the line. I am sure that in America, with our growing waistlines, it is VITALLY important that your child knows how to order his big, fat sandwich. Unfortunately, he’s four years old.[/ul][/li][/QUOTE]
Well said.

I’m not particularly child-friendly, and you have successfully noted one of my biggest beefs. Surely, as a parent, you tell the kid what to do. “Here’s what you’re eating. Don’t like it? Tough.” The child needs guidance, not choice.

Furthermore stop letting infants make decisions about your life. I’ve seen this happen to several young families of my acquaintance. “Oh we can’t go there/do that because little Timmy doesn’t like it”. Bullshit. The family needs a firm hand on a tiller from an experienced captain, not an able seaman.

There’s a program on TV in the UK at the moment where problem families move in with a child psychologist, and every single time it’s the same problem: little Timmy won’t stay in bed/won’t eat anything but yoghurt/needs to be driven around the town before he’ll sleep. And the answer is always the same: make him. If he doesn’t like it, repeat until he does. And you know what? It works every single time.

Actually, I am child-friendly. I really like kids, but in small doses. Perhaps it’s pathetic parents I don’t like.

3

Yeah, you should have seen what happened here a few weeks ago when my friendly neighborhood cafe attempted to improve the parenting skills of some of its customers. But you are not alone; their front window is now covered with fan letters.

4

I didn’t just tell my kids what they were getting at Subway , McDonald’s etc. But the kid having a choice wasn’t really the probelm. The parent waiting until they were at the front of the line was the problem. You find out what the kid wants before you even get on the freaking line. If he knows the difference between the different breads, etc, ( and he might) he doesn’t need to see them to choose.

5

I should note it wasn’t just “Do you want ham or turkey on wheat or white?” It was: “Ok, now do you want lettuce? A lot or a little? What about mustard? More or less? Oh he wants less now, take some off. Ok, what about onions? No onions. Ok what about pickles? Oh now he wants onions.”

6

DiosaBellisima, I truly, truly feel your pain and share your outrage. I am a veteran parent (2 girls, 21 and 19 y.o.) and throughout my parenting “adventure”, I was galled at other parents’ complete lack of a clue as to appropriate behavior on the part of their children. I think (hope) that type of parent is in the minority and they just seem to be everywhere because they are so damned irritating.

The two worst (IMO) tactics used by parents in dealing with a misbehaving child are a.) completely ignoring them and b.) issuing empty threats. In the first case, the child is acting out to either get attention or because he/she knows it will be ignored, so ignoring them just feeds the problem. In the second case, the child quickly learns that the threats are hollow and stops hearing them, again reinforcing their bad behavior.

Problem is, it’s near impossible to say anything to them about their behavior, or their childrens’ behavior. They will invariably scream bloody murder if anyone even obliquely suggests that they or their hellspawn are being inconsiderate. I strongly suspect that these parents are unconscionably self-centered in other aspects of their lives as well. The fact that they have a spratling is just coincidental.

7

Let’s be honest. There’s quite a few adults who don’t bother to decide what to order until they make it to the front of the line.

8

It would be great if this program got imported to the U.S.

I doubt it’d be as big a hit as What Not To Wear but maybe it could be modified here along the lines of that show. If you successfully develop the courage to institute discipline in the family, you get a few thousand bucks to ship little Jacob and Jennifer off to camp for the summer.

9

Sounds a lot like “Nanny 911”, which I don’t watch because it pisses me off no end to see how completely clueless the parents are at the beginning of the show wrt their kids.

10

At Subway, did you say anything, or did you just suffer in silence? I’d have spoken up, and told the parent off. I’d have calmly told them that there was a substantial line of people who knew what they wanted, and that they might want to have a little consideration for the others.

Boo on Subway for not having enough/ appropriate staff, too.

11

So if this family was so frigging annoying, why’d you keep following them around, huh? Come on, what, you’re stalking them, huh???
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What? :eek:

12

Hahahahahahahaha. I’m guessing you don’t have kids, then? Telling a child “tough” is not guidance, and doesn’t work anyway unless you want a battle of wills - which in a crowded restaurant is like unleashing hell in a small place. You can always tell a young child what they’re going to eat, but “My way or no way” just doesn’t work over food: they can be choosy eaters, and their minds don’t work like adult minds - what might seem trivial to you assumes enormous importance to them, and you do not want to get into a public battle of wills which you’re either going to lose or be an ogre.

All is not lost, though, since it’s not a zero-sum game: there doesn’t have to be a winner and a loser. The child usually wants to have some input into what you’re going to eat: not that the tail should wag the dog, but they often need at least a limited choice in the matter. I agree that it shouldn’t be done at the front of the line while everyone is held up, and it should be narrowed down from the entire menu - probably the most effective way would be to stand back while you look at what’s on offer, and then give them the choice of one of two things: “Which would you like, the ham or the cheese?” Works for me, anyway.

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Sure are. And they’re inconsiderate, too.

14

DiossaBellissima, I have three boys, ages 14, 11, and 3 (almost 4!), and I am appalled at your description of events. We eat at Subway occasionally, and I have never had even the urge to do what you have just described. I don’t even let my husband order for himself at Subway. :wink:

15

Just out of curiosity, what was he screaming about? Reason I ask is, first of all, as Rhubarb said, kids often act out to get attention, because it’s the only way they can get attention. Second of all, it may not have started as acting out. It could have been that the kid wanted to, omg, join in the conversation with his family, and was ignored because, as my mom once put it*, “Any time a kid talks is interrupting.” In which case, he would naturally have felt burned, and repeated himself, and continued repeating himself, out of anger, stubbornness, and simply the desire to be, y’know, part of the family. I will never understand the mindset of parents who take their kids places and then act as if the kids invited themselves and shouldn’t be allowed to socialize with the family.

*About my nephew, not me. But since she and my sister pulled much of the same crap with him that they did with me, I tried to smooth things over whenever I could. After that remark, though, I could do nothing except clench my jaw and walk away.

16

“Unattended Children Will Be Given an Espresso and a Puppy” made me laugh so hard that I started coughing! I love that sign! :smiley:

(No, that’s not the sign that Eva Luna’s cafe put up, it’s just a sign mentioned in the article.)

Yep. My best friends have a 4-year-old, and the wife has taken to tuning out the kid sometimes while the husband is the king of empty threats. He’s much worse than her, because he’s afraid to be “the bad guy” – the kid has him totally figured out, though. It’s frustrating as hell to have to watch silently when the kid refuses to go to bed and Daddy tries to “threaten” him. :rolleyes: Of course, I’d never say a word about his parenting unless he asked me, because it’s his kid and for the most part he’s a good kid. He’s just, you know, 4 years old.

Well, in my friends’ case that is certainly not true. They’re both great people doing their best to raise a kid, it’s just that they tend to err on the side of leniency. Yeah, he’s kinda spoiled, but I don’t think it points to any personality defect on the parents’ part. In fact, now that I’ve watched my friends go through this I try to keep them in mind when I see other parents who let their toddler call the shots (even though it always annoys the hell out of me).

One of my fears about parenthood is that I’d err too much on the side of discipline. I know from being around this little boy the way that I would react in certain situations, and my instinct is always to be much tougher than his parents (and the only way I could love this kid more is if he were my own). I know that bad results can come of not being lenient enough, so I’d have to watch out for that.

17

The good cop/bad cop routine doesn’t work: Mum and Dad have to agree on the rules, and back each other up, otherwise they’ll just be played against each other. Empty threats are pretty bad, too: kids figure out pretty quickly if something isn’t going to be acted on, and will just continue playing up - until the inevitable explosion and tears.

Boundaries. Set 'em, keep to 'em, and respond proportionately if they’re broken. It’s fashionable to call it “time out”, but around here it’s still “go to your room”, usually for 10 minutes. The penal code here is three strikes and you’re out. The first strike is a request and an explanation: “Please don’t climb on Mummy like that, you’re hurting her.” The second strike is a warning: “I’ve asked you not to climb on Mummy like that. Do it again and I’ll put you in your room for 10 minutes.” The third strike is “I’ve asked you twice not to do that, and you haven’t listened. I’m putting you in your room for 10 minutes now.” Saves wear and tear on your lungs, too, since you’re not yelling all the time.

I don’t find being too strict a problem, as long as the rules are reasonable: no hurting people, no talking back rudely {you’d be amazed at the language they pick up at kindergarten}, no deliberate breaking things or making messes {accidents are another matter}, clean up your own messes when you’re asked to, bed and bath time mean what they say, and stop jumping on the sofa! Mostly common sense, really.

There isn’t even a lock on the bedroom door, but little case knows he has to stay in there, and stay he does while all tears are ignored. He can have a cuddle and another explanation about why climbing on Mummy when he’s been asked to stop is wrong when he comes out, and he inevitably swears not to do it again, but he always knows that the warnings will always be followed up.

Kids always push the boundaries to see how far they can go, but they have to know that they’re there. He’ll be told not to jump on the sofa, and he’ll give me a look while sitting and bouncing on it vigorously, but you can see him calculating how far he can go before the second warning kicks in.

18

The tolerance inspires me…

19

It’s rush hour, and you’re in one of the busiest stations in the city. You’ve heard stories about the packed Tokyo subways? They’re true. When one pulls into Shibuya station, the doors open and you’ve instantly got several thousand people heading for the ticket gates. This is not the perfect opportunity for little precious to be a big boy by walking up the steps one… at… a… time… This isn’t just annoying, it’s dangerous. Little precious is just over knee-high, which means that in a packed crowd, nobody can see him. Come back in the afternoon and he can march up and down the steps to his little heart’s content, but for now, pick his ass up and haul it out.

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I really don’t understand why people can’t grasp the difference between appropriate public vs. private behavior. Your kid is screaming his lungs out at home, handle it however you like. But if he’s screaming his lungs out in a restaurant, get him out of there.

My daughter is the most important person in the world, to me. But I wouldn’t be doing her any favors if I let her think that the world at large will treat her with the same patience and deference that I do. Part of my job as a parent is to teach her consideration and respect for other people.