Like most people in this world, I know that parenting is a tough job. Heck, I’m doubtful that *tough * even begins to encompass all of the work, dedication, and intelligence that it takes to be a **good ** parent.
I also understand that the wee ones have to be taught lessons about how to appropriately act in public and, because of this, kids will often be caught displaying less than perfect social behavior. This is fine. But, as all good parents know, there are times to teach lessons and times when you just need to have your kid sit the hell down and shut the hell up. This is about the latter.
So parents, it is not the time to teach your kids lessons when:
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[li] It’s noon and you, your wittle pwecious, 15 other people, and myself are in line at Subway; you are, of course, in the front of the line. I am sure that in America, with our growing waistlines, it is VITALLY important that your child knows how to order his big, fat sandwich. Unfortunately, he’s four years old. [/li]
No, really- it isn’t cute when you ask W.P. what kind of bread he’d like. In fact, I’m positive that your child does not know the difference between white, wheat, Italian herb and cheese, honey oat, or something with asiago cheese. Hell, I’d be willing to wager that the only kind of bread your kid knows is the kind Mommy (or Daddy) gives him. So, do us all a favor: when it is really busy, please don’t take up 20 minutes (yes, it was literally 20 minutes- people were just leaving) teaching your Wittle Pwecious the intricacies of lettuce versus spinach on his 6 inch, ham and American, on white bread.
[li]Again, it’s lunch time. The bank has one ATM. You walk up to the ATM with W.P. “Here, W.P.- help Mommy get the money!” Again, this is a truly important skill in our capitalist society; heck, the way things are going, that kid is going to have his own line of credit by the time he hits preschool. Unfortunately, the other 10 of us that have lined up behind you would like to get back to school/work/our hookers (hey, I’ve only got a few hours). [/li]
Please do not take 20 minutes to teach W.P. how to use an ATM (which, mind you, he isn’t even tall enough to see the screen). By the way, it REALLY isn’t a good idea that your kid was repeating your pin number, over and over, in a scream for the world to hear.
[li]We are at a restaurant at dinner time. Granted, we’re talking about Applebee’s here, but- damnit- I’d like to enjoy my semi-tasty cheeseburger without your child screeching bloody murder in my left ear. Your kid was screaming for over 10 minutes, volume increasing as he went along; in fact, he was screaming over the music, sports, and people talking in the background (we all know, Applebee’s isn’t a quiet place). You were getting dirty looks galore because your kid is getting louder and louder as time increases.[/li]
After about 10 minutes I gave you a look, not a dirty one, just a “dude, que?” look. You turn to me and say, “Oh, we’re trying a new behavior technique where we ignore his screaming.” See, this is where you get the dirty look from me, stupid, bad parent-bitch.
THIS IS NOT THE TIME. Feel free to try new behavior techniques with your kids- hell, do whatever works- but CLEARLY this new technique is NOT working. Your kid screamed the entire time you were eating. The manager spoke to you, but you just gave your ignorant lil’ cheerful reply and he bought it. We got an apology from the staff and our meal comped, but honestly- bitch, this isn’t the time![/ul]
Whew, I feel so much better now.