My father still insists he and my mother found me in a garbage can.
When I was but a wee little Silver Fire, we had a poodle named Flower (or was it Flour?). Anyway, our poodle ran away one day and never came back. I was probably 5 or 6 at the time. When I was 14, my mom told me that the dog had been put to sleep.
In order to make me drink my milk, my parents told me that if you didn’t have milk when you ate brownies that you would die. It worked well, until one day I bit into a brownie, went to pour myself a glass of milk, and we were out! I went screaming around the house that I was going to die, and my dad finally told me the truth.
Jman
When I was younger I had really long beautiful hair that hung down past my waist. One day my mom said she was “just going to trim it” and cut it all off. I spent most of the second grade getting mistaken for a boy.
As I recall, my parents led me to believe a whole string of lies in my youth such as:
Beer will make you go to hell.
They got me as a Blue Light Special from K-Mart.
Uncle Gene was in prison because he “worked” there.
If I ever let a boy kiss me I would get pregnant.
And by the way…Santa Clause isn’t real??? Well, guess add that one to the list, too…
“That’ll put hair on your chest.” (Referencing some form of food type things)
“Nice girls don’t: stay out past midnight/do things like that/dress that way.”
“You’ll go blind doing that!”
We had a couple parakeets, that “escaped” from the house one spring afternoon. Funny how that happens.
Aside from that, any lies were extremely well-buried. Things like Santa Claus, sure, but I don’t really count those.
“Burnt things make you beautiful.” ~ My mom was a good cook, but I think this one was a hand-me-down from her mom. Still, I think it’s cute and my daughters also know it by heart.
Also when I was five or so, my dad told me he and I were going to build a robot together. Imagine, a robot that I would be able to ride around in and fight crime with. One day he finally told me that he wouldn’t be able to build it. sniff-sniff I was crushed.
My grandmother always told my mom that bread crusts would make her hair curly… Mom tried that one on us, but we didn’t buy it…
Jesus watches over everything you do.
It always bothered me that the one place where I got privacy (being the youngest of six) Jesus would still watch me take a dump.
For the full pet story you should readthis
When I was 5, I was at the grocery store with my brothers and my mother. We were walking around and we went down the coke aisle and this couple told my mother that I was the cutest little thing. To my horror my mother told them that I was for sell and they could buy me for $20. Another older couple came by and started bidding on me w/ the other couple. My brothers were all into it by holding me up to display me to everyone. My mom finally told them that she changed her mine about selling me when a third couple piped in. By this time I was freaked and trying to get away. It was good to know that my mom had decided to keep me since the bids only got up to $55. Evil woman.
She also told me that anytime I get a shiver down my back, that someone just walked over my grave. That is good to know, I must be buried in the parking lot of a Wal-Mart.
Well, when I was little, my dad used to take us all on a yearly trek to Great America (Six Flags, north of Chicago). On the way up there, there was a Wendy’s that was built on an overpass. So you would actually drive UNDER the Wendy’s to get where you were going.
That enthralled me. I begged and begged to stop at that Wendy’s and my dad always said no. One day, when I was feeling particularly fiesty I answered with a ‘why not?’ He didn’t miss a beat, just said,
“that’s where the gorillas live”
I never asked again.
jarbaby