Parenting tips and tricks

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
41

Another thing I thought of was that demystifying things that scare your kids, if possible, is a very good way to help them deal with fear.

When my son first started getting afraid of monsters, I tried saying, “There aren’t any monsters,” or “They’re more afraid of you than you are of them,” both things my mom used to say without any luck getting me to believe her. So, I decided that if that didn’t work, maybe it would help to get him to help me drive the monsters out. So, one night when he was worried about monsters, I asked, “Hmmm…Do you want me to tell them to go away for you? Will you help me?” He said yes, we yelled at the monsters to go away and, since then, the monsters haven’t come back.

I did something similar with thunderstorms. He was terrified that the thunder was going to come into the house and eat him, so one evening during a storm, I carried him out to the porch (I wouldn’t have bothered if he were trying to get away; he was more uneasy than anything else), and we danced around while the thunder boomed around us. Now every time there’s a storm, he wants to do the thunder dance.

I think it’s important to acknowledge your kids’ fears and let them know that you think they’re valid. Not necessarily that they should be afraid, but instead treat them as real things that can be handled.

42

Yeah, you give them some feeling of control of the situation and they usually do better with it. When my youngest was small she hated the washing part of a bath, especially her face and hair. So her dad would give her a washcloth and let her scrub the back end of the tub while he did her hair. It worked for her, I think because she had something she was doing and could take charge of. I’m not sure I would have thought of it.

43

My brothers kid thinks the batteries go flat on the TV!

I used to argue with my husband about having the TV on in the morning. It blew up and the next day Junior was sitting quietly waiting for breakfast with a book propped up in her yet-to-be-filled cereal bowl! We didn’t get another TV for a good few years.

Don’t bombard kids with choices and toys as **thirdwarning **says - or deals. Reward good behaviour with clapping hands and cheering - let them overhear you telling someone else what a great thing they did and not “I’m
so proud of Junior.” but “Junior is the king of bringing his cup to the sink.”

44

Many fights between siblings over the use and sharing of a favorite toy can be avoided with the aid of an eggtimer. The kids themselves should be in charge of it. Kids from a very young age understand fairness, so giving them an objective tool to mark equal periods of time is all they need. It even works for tiny kids if you pre-colourcode it. Put a dot of nailpolish or something for a timeperiod which you think goes well with their patience and attention spans.

Sibling fights over sharing treats: When there is one piece left of leftover pie and it needs to be devided, you can ensure equal shares by imposing the rule: one does the deviding, the other one does the chosing.

45

My friend’s mother did this - it’s brilliant. Never have there been more evenly divided pieces of treat.

46

My sister and I would still fight over this one as kids… nobody wanted to be the one dividing, as that person did the work but would inevitably end up with the perceived smaller piece anyway.

47

I like the advice in this thread, some great stuff. Our first child is almost 9 months old and I’m sure I’ll get to use many of these. Something my brother and his wife did with the “giving them power and choices” thing:

Parent: Do you want to leave the park in five minutes, or three minutes?
Kid: Five!
Parent: Ok, five it is.
This seemed to work really well.
Is anyone else uncomfortable with the advice to lie to the kids, though? I am going to try never to lie to my kids, just as I attempt never to lie to anyone.

48

Oh, and one from my husband: never start any game you’re not willing to play 500 more times (e.g., tossing in the air, horsie rides, etc.).

49

I always get weird looks when I say this but don’t sensor movies when they are young. Just make sure you watch the movies with them so you can explain why the naughty words are funny sometimes and why Will Farell is running down the street naked. Then you can explain when things are and are not approrpiate. Saying they are not appropriate just makes you a hipocite. Just make sure you follow up on the last part with the explanation so that don’t start calling Grandma a “#@@%!”

They will inevitably learn all of those words and isn’t better that you are there when they do?
I have a friend who won’t even let her son watch a movie that has witches in it. (The Wizard of Oz?!?!) And she thinks I’m weird since my kids watched South Park. (Which had the strange side effect of ‘Kyle’s Mom’s a B***H’ as a family driving song)

50

Yep - we sing the “Monster Song” together three times after I turn out the lights. And quoting Monster Inc is great (the big bliue monster was afraid of the little girl)

51

Be truthful to your kids. Most of his grown-ups lie to my nephew a lot; some because they think it’s funny to drive kids crazy or get them in trouble, some as a way to get the kid off their hair. When I tell the kid something he wasn’t expecting (it can be as simple as “we could also go ‘this other way’ and we’d reach the same spot”) and he says “oh no, you are pulling my leg!” I can always answer “when have I lied to you?” and produce a kidlet looking like this: :o:cool:

Be ready to admit your mistakes. It’s better that the kid know that his grownups aren’t all-perfect and all-knowing than to let a honest mistake (when, say, you realize that ‘this’ fruit doesn’t come from the tree nearest to where it fell, but from one a bit further back) become a lie.

52

General Advice: Raising kids is like training a dog. Pick a few simple rules, and be consistent.

Specific tip for the beach: For diaper changes at the beach - bring baby powder and use it liberally. This has the almost magical effect of getting the sand off their bottoms. Works like a miracle.

Specific tip for passifiers: When we wanted to wean my oldest off her passy, we took her to the toy store and let her pick out a toy of her choice. Then - she “paid” for the toy with her passy. I let her hand it to the clerk and then, when my daughter wasn’t looking, handed the clerk a credit card. Worked like a charm.

Specific tip for sleep-overs: When your kids are old enough to host a sleep-over, move the clock in their room ahead an hour or two. This way, they’ll think they make it up until midnight, when it’s really just 10:30 or so.

53

Some friends of mine do something similar with band-aids. Their 3-year-old firmly believes that band-aids make everything better. A while back I was visiting them when he had a stuffed-up nose, which was making him miserable. His mom put a band-aid on his nose. He was still stuffy, but he cheered up quite a bit because he thought he felt better.

My tip: If you have problems with your kids whining whenever they want something, pretend you can’t understand them until they ask you without whining.

54

My 3 1/2 year old is wise to this already.

His response: “I don’t want to go at all”

55

When combng or brushing a child’s hair, hold the comb as lightly as possible. If you resist the urge to clutch onto it, then when you hit a snarl, you won’t accidentally hurt them by pulling on it, the comb will just slide out of your hand. Then you can go back and comb out the snarl while holding tight to the base of the hair, preventing painful yanks on the sensitive scalp.

Don’t be afraid to commiserate with your child. When a two-year-old is crying because you won’t let them play with a medicine bottle, place it out of reach and then cuddle the child. Saying things like “I know it’s hard, Honey,” and “Some things are just too dangerous to play with” lets them know you are on their side without your having to give in. The unfairness of the world, especially the presence of such powerful “want” feelings for things we can’t have, is one of the hardest lessons any of us ever learn. the earlier we learn it, the better, but it really helps to have some one who can both teach it, and cuddle you through it.

56

We set up a system with my 4 year old where he gets ‘coins’ (little wooden circles he painted himself, but buttons or anything would do) that he can spend on screen time for the day. For example, he gets 4 coins each day that are equivalent to 15 min. screen time (in our house, that is computer, tv, or Wii.) He is allowed to use them all at once, or spread them out, or save them up for another day, etc. It is ending the ‘can I play Wii?’ fights since he has control over how / when he uses them, and he seems to accept that once the coins are gone, they are gone and doesn’t beg for more time. I think because it removes me as the bad person witholding the screen time and puts it in a different mindset for him - you need a coin to watch tv and you don’t have any more, sorry I can’t help you.

It is also teaching him the concepts of using something all at once, or the pleasure of saving for later. I try not to coax him one way or the other as hard as it is sometimes when it is 10am and he has no more time left for the day.

Once in a while I will give out extra coins for good behavior or a family movie night or something, or he will have one taken away for bad behavior.

We have also used the coins in the past as rewards he earned for going to bed / doing the bedtime routine well. He saved them up in his treasure chest and when it was full he turned them in to buy a prize. So the coins have served our household well.

57

I’ll second two big things here before I share my point: Teaching your kids to freeze when you yell “STOP!” saved the lives of both of our daughters (both times, one of the kids had slipped out of our grasp in a parking lot). The other one is to give your child a choice whenever possible, but to be in charge of the choice (would you rather eat with the red dish or the blue one?).

Now, for a little background on this one: We are a fairly religious family and went to church every week. In the flavor of Christianity that we followed, it was generally unacceptable to use foul language. So …

Our daughter came home from kindergarten one day and informed us that one of the kids at school had said the “S” word. My wife asked her, “You mean, he said ‘Shit’?” My daughter’s eyes got huge and she nodded solemnly. I asked her if she knew what “shit” was, and when she said she didn’t, I told her. I explained the word to her in all its forms … horse, bird, dog, cat, cow, and bull, and any others we could think of. I told her what it meant when someone said “bullshit”. We had her say it and every form we could think of. She came up with different animals and formed the compound word.

I explained that there are no such things as “bad” words … just words that are “inappropriate”. I told them that it was inappropriate for little girls to use that particular word. I also said, “… someday, when you are old enough, and are able to use the word properly and effectively, you will be able to use it. But until that time, we’ll have to burn the word off your tongue with hot sauce if we ever hear you say it again.”

I also told her that she would know when she was old enough to use that word.

We did this with every word they came home with. We taught them the real meanings, what they meant, how to use them effectively, and we let them say the words with gusto a few times.

This technique absolutely took away any of the shock value such words had. We only had to use Tabasco sauce one time on my youngest when she was about 6.

My daughters were about 16 or 17 before they used the any of the words (at least, in front of us), and, since they were using them effectively and appropriately, I congratulated them on using the phrases properly.

Hey, it worked for us. At least we didn’t have to listen to a 5-year-old sound like a flippin’ sailor!

BobArrgh

58

This thread is awesome!! I have a 6-month old and I’m already writing down all the stuff I know I’ll want to use with her.

One thing my BIL did with my neices and nephew when they were teenagers: When they would get into some kind of silly sibling argument he would let them go back and forth for a few minutes, then he would tell them to knock it off and have each kid take a lap around the block, going opposite ways.

Most often by the time they were done running, the argument was forgotten. If not, they’d take another lap. And yes, he did make them run in the rain, snow, cold and heat! It greatly cut down on sibling fights and all of them even ran cross country when they hit middle and high school ages!!

59

ok, my 2 cents worth:

When my kids were 5-6, they started to get really picky about the food they would eat. So, we served the same things, but called them something else, and it became edible! Raw carrots? Who would want to eat those??? Now, What’s Up Doc Sticks… now THAT is appetizing!!! Eating a hot dog in a bun with your hands??? NO WAY! Cut the dog in the bun into sections, and have them eat them with toothpicks! (works with meatballs, and veggies – although trying to spear a pea can be a problem!) Baked beans are Cowboy Beans… etc. Got us through some difficult meals. Also, don’t get hung up on eating COOKED veggies. My son would never eat cooked mixed veggies, but when I served him a 1/2 cup’s worth of FROZEN veggies, he went crazy for the, and asked for MORE!

Last one… creative lying is acceptable now and then. When you don’t want to explain logically to a 3 year old why he can’t play with the cute cell phone toy that his aunt gave him for Christmas, on the 1,000 mile ride home… it is ACCEPTABLE to take the battery out, and say that there is a battery shortage in (name the state) right now. ANd when we get home, we will get batteries. The backlash to that, is that the aunt who has no kids but gave the cell phone toy…, found OUT about the shortage, and has since given batteries EVERY YEAR with any toy that needed batteries. GRRRR. Still worked though, we just shouldn’t have let HER know about the shortage!

60

My kids are 29 and 21 and we STILL sing the “Kyles Mom is a B#*@#” song, in three part harmony, in the car. (Only it’s become "Brads Mom is a …ya know, because the boys name is Brad, and it’s funnier) And people say we never do things together!