I’ve never been a parent, so here’s a parenting question:
Do parents feel the same love for their children when their children are grown adults (think 25 years old, 40 years old, 55 years old, etc.) as when their children were young children?
Is the level of love just as high when your adult children are in their 40s as when they were four months or four years old? Or does that love change somewhat as the decades go by (not necessarily in how *much *you love them, but how you perceive them, as functioning adults in society just like you?)
When they were younger, I loved them as children who were small and vulnerable. As grown adults, it’s more like the love I would have for my peers. Also as they have married and moved away, there’s more distance in the relationship.
When our last child left home, the wife and I had no problems with being ‘empty-nesters’. We worked hard to have our 3 children be independent and successful and now are glad to have more peace and quite in our older years.
On the other hand, we have 3 grandchildren now and our love for them is more like when our kids were young.
I don’t know about anyone else, Hermitian, but this question really made me stop, think and analyze my relationship with my two boys. The are both adults now and away from home. One is married and a brand new dad.
I don’t think the amount of love I feel for my sons has diminished, but our relationship has definitely changed over the years. They are independent and not at all demonstrative, and that’s ok, because I raised them to be independent and self-reliant. But on the other hand, it would mean a lot to get a spontaneous hug now and then without asking for it.
I would still climb mountains, swim oceans, and stand toe to toe with the Almighty if my boys needed that from me.
So no, I don’t love them any less. But I do love them differently, because they need me to do so.
Absolutely the level is just as high (mine are in their 20s). If anything I feel sometimes that I love them more now, because they have fully formed personalities and specific aspects of their personhood to love as opposed to just seeming to somehow automatically or “naturally” love them when they were little. Besides loving them fiercely, I also genuinely like each of them and find them interesting “as people” and not just “as my children.”
So yes the love does feel different now than when they were little and if I try to pinpoint why, that’s what occurs to me first.
I know my dad adored us as kids, he would always interact and encourage and protect. Just before he died he told us how proud he was of us as adults it made his chest swell. So I guess the love remained but only changed in direction.
I snuggle my little boy’s head and kiss his ears. If my dad did that to me I’d probably have him committed.
That being said, I know my dad still loves me, but he’s replaced pictures of me around his house with pictures of his grandkids. They’re definitely cuter than I.
I loved my children in an intense and immediate way when they were children. I love my sons intensely, but the “Daddy Bear” reaction has subsided - until they want my help. They are in their 40’s and very capable. I would still give my everything if they really needed it.
My two are grown now, and I love them just as much as ever. When they were young children, I was in virtually every moment of their day and intensely involved with them; as they got older, they became more and more autonomous, which was my goal. Now, they are living their own lives, with their own children. I am living my life. The feelings are all still there, but the minute-by-minute involvement is gone, as it should be. I would still give them anything they truly needed.
