Is this fair? Personally i think it only demonstrates to kids that you can put the burden of your irresponsibilty on someone else. My mother is currently being fined for the high school absenses of my younger brother, which is sad because
My mother struggles so much day to day with simple things such as paying bills and eating
My brother , at least at this point in his life, is so selfish he doesn’t care. I don’t blame the kid for being lazy, but for not caring if his actions are unfairly affecting others…especially his own mother
I believe not only is this policy teaching the wrong lesson, it is a financial burden i don’t see how my mother can handle…if you think this has to do with my mother’s parenting, that she should “control” her son more effectvely…i would have to bring this to the pit to express my feelings on that mentality. Teeneagers are individuals, not a piece of clay that parents can mold into whatever form of behavior they want. Any thoughts?
If parents are too limp to make their kids go to school, or to demand restitution for the fines, then the kids already have problems. Yes, teenagers are individuals – individuals with a legal responsibility to go to school and to answer to their parents. Responsibility comes FIRST; rights come after, privileges come last.
Generally speaking, parents can be excused from truancy fines at the discretion of the ruling authority. Penalties are also exacted against students – in California, this can include intervention/counseling, community service, fines, and revocation of driving privileges. I don’t know about where you live.
Younger kids, elementary and junior high aged kids are still the responsibility of the parent. By the time a kid gets to high school, they should be responsible for themselves or be learning responsibility.
If your brother knows that what he is doing is harming your mother financially and he doesn’t care than he is a twit. So he doesn’t like going to school - oh well. Millions of kids around the world don’t like getting up and going to school but they still do. It’s time some one sits him down and tells him to grow up.
While a child is living with its parents, the parents are responsible for providing all of the child’s basic needs, including food, shelter, medical care, and education.
The parent is therefore responsible for making sure that the child goes to school. Even if the child is a teenager, and even if the child doesn’t want to.
In your situation, if your mother’s poor health is keeping her from providing what the child needs, then maybe it would be a good idea for her to get another family member to help.
Look, your brother is legally and socially a kid. A child. Just as it’s her responsibility to see that he’s fed, clothed, and housed, it is your mother’s responsibility to make sure he goes to school. She is currently failing in that responsibility, and now she’s being fined for that failure. It’s not an ideal solution, but the idea is that by putting financial pressure on the parent, the parent will then crack down on the kid and find some way to make sure he goes to school. It seems to work fairly well, otherwise they’d be trying something else.
It’s entirely possible that the fine will be waived, if your mother is willing to work with school officials to find some way to make sure your brother goes to school. It might mean rearranging her work schedule to make sure he gets on the schoolbus, or physically taking him to school and walking him to office so they can verify he’s there. It might mean finding a neighbor, friend, or relative who can do that. There are any number of solutions they could work out.
Yes, it’s an unfair burden on your mother, but that’s what parenting is. It’s spending twenty years of your life being disproportionately and often unfairly affected by someone else’s actions. That’s the job description, and she voluntarily took on the job. She doesn’t have the right to shirk this part of it because it’s unfair, any more than I have the right to decide I don’t have to clean kennels because they’re icky.
If your mom can’t do her job to the bare-bones minimum of the law, then she needs to get help. She either needs to get financial help so that she’s not working quite so much and can be there in the mornings, or she needs to get some help controlling the little jackass she’s raising. If she absolutely cannot control him enough to even get him to school in the morning, she needs to file an out of control petition and temporarily give up her parental rights. Pit all you want about how teens are individuals, I don’t give a damn. Toddlers are individuals, too, but that doesn’t mean they can get by with anything they want to do.
Is it really unreasonable to ask that children receive punishment for their actions in the high school years as opposed to their parents? I believe this is more desireable because when dealing with the family structure nobody is the same, therefore it is subjective and you never know how much the parent is actually to blame. Giving the kid forms of punishment such as detention or ever failing of a grade (if the case is severe enough) puts the blame where we know it belongs and helps prepare them for the real world where their parents won’t be punished when THEY screw up.
Like others I believe that a responsible parent should be aware of where their child is, like school for instance. It can be more serious than a fine, look atthis
Ok I can at least understand the argument for parent truency fines although i disagree…but prison time over this seems extreme to me. If the case was that big a problem i would temporarily suspend gaurdianship in favor of a more responsible family member long before i would send anyone to prison over a kid missing class.
Well in the this case it appears that prison time got her attention, for once. Maybe.
Her other daughter who HAD truancy problems …
Both daughters seem to have had severe truancy problems…and there is a pretty severe societal price to pay for that truancy.
Prison time would not be my first choice for remediation, but if all other steps had been done, it might be appropriate in severe cases as a last resort.
I’m fairly new here so you guys are gonna think i’m such a tree hugger…but i also disagree with corporal punishment except in extreme circumstances…my method would be more taking away of privileges (free time after school). Teaching that bigger things can beat up on smaller things, eh…
As a former truant, I can say that my mother did everything in her power to get me to school.
Unfortunately I am almost a foot taller than her, and much stronger so short of hiring someone to pick me up and drag me to school still in my PJ’s I wasn’t going anywhere.
I agree that parents should know where their kids are, and be getting them to school etc… but that doesn’t always work y’know. You can have some pretty determined kids.
The only thing that straightened me up was I moved elsewhere I decided on my own that I was going to school, and even then I wasn’t the best at attendance but I still managed to get honours or at least decent grades in my courses.
It all depends on the kids, but really sometimes no matter what you do they still don’t go. And I doubt anyone is going to stand over the kid the whole day in school and monitor that they don’t leave school grounds after first class, even if you dump them in their desk then.
I’m a former truant as well. I was placed in foster care and my mother was threatened with jail time because of my truancy. I had to live with strangers until I could prove to the “The System” that I would not only attend school, but that I would earn good marks, too. I was the same age as your brother when I was taken from my home. I got to go back at the end of the year (because I maintained a B average), and I wound up dropping out anyway. Now, as an adult, I have to work my ass off balancing work, family (I have a son), housework, and school. I’m unemployed now. Wanna know why? Because I ain’t got no smarts and the only jobs I’m eligible for in my area are McDonalds and gas stations and all the teenages took those jobs.
Damn kids… :mad:
Unfortunately, there’s not a whole hell of a lot your mom can do about it. My social worker told my mom that she should join me in school and sit with me all day. Guess what? It wasn’t practical. I’d suggest boot camp to your mom. I would not recommend she “temporarily” give up custody, as she might have troubles getting it back.
Your brother is a selfish brat. He’ll grow out of it eventually (I hope…).
Sorry, but the “fair” concept is a real pet peeve of mine. Why do things have to be “fair”?
As far as your bro, I would assume that the punishment your mom receives will “trickle down” to him in some way. How? I do not know. I have shared custody of my 9 and 13 year old children and punishment is not my forte.
[QUOTE=vetbridge]
Sorry, but the “fair” concept is a real pet peeve of mine. Why do things have to be “fair”?
Please share…is it unrealistic to expect things to be fair? Is there a fault in realizing the world is not always fair, true, yet still raising a voice when you feel someone is being wronged? Are we to accept that everyrthing is the way it is, never change unjust laws and traditions?
OK, I will share. I own a business. I believe in rewarding my employees based on performance, not longevity. So, I have given raises to employees who have worked (very well) for a few weeks. I have also had employees who after a year are still earning the same amount as the day they were hired. Although I emphasize that I give raises based solely on performance at the time of hire, people still complain that this is “not fair”. </rant> *
I have no problem with people trying to “change unjust laws and traditions”. And if I ever find myself in your mom’s position I might argue along the same lines you are. But I would shy away from the word “fair”.
BTW…doesn’t your brother feel like shit over this?
*BTW the reason I do not fire the bad employee has something to do with Pennsylvania’s Unemployment Compensation Law.
