I was married for 6 years to a man who never once did any of those nice manly chores, catsix. Well, to be fair, he did the following chores one time each: shoveled the drive after a snow, cleaned 1/4 of the gutters, mowed about 1/5 of the lawn, and jump-started my car once or twice.
When his own car ran out of gas in the driveway, he let it sit for THREE YEARS until my son was old enough to fill it up with gas, jump it, air the now-flat tires, and drive it. It wasn’t a junker, either–it was a 5 year old car with under 70K miles on it.
He also never did anything around the house, except maybe once a year he would wash the counters and then spend the next ten months telling me how much cleaner he kept the kitchen compared to me.
When some of us talk about men who don’t pull their weight, we might–surprise!–actually be referring to men who Don’t Pull Their Weight.
(I know you weren’t responding to me in particular. I’m just sayin’.)
No, I was referring to my family where my mother accused my father of not ‘pulling his own weight’ with the housework because the ‘man chores’ weren’t considered housework.
He doesn’t iron, whoopdeefuckin do. She doesn’t know how to put up shelves, but she sure as fuck expects he’ll do it. And he does. But that’s not ‘housework’.
I don’t know. I’ve never been a SAHM; it’s just that those things weren’t mentioned. FWIW, my mom did most of those things, too, while working full time, so there you go. It’s just that many of those things hadn’t been mentioned.
Done it, done it but will NEVER do it again on my current car, done it, done it, done it, done it, know how to do it but haven’t had to on my own yet, done it, done it. Most of these things are, at least in my experience, things that’re shared more or less equally. The one SAHM that I know–my mother-in-law–I’ve seen do all but one of these things. Not all SAHMs expect these things to be taken care of by a man. And not all men are willing to do these things. At my house, my dad pretty much only does one of those things; my mom and I would tackle all the rest.
A man who does all those things would definately be “pulling his own weight.” A man who puts off these things, who almost never does them, or who just plain wouldn’t know how to start a damn lawnmower, on the other hand, would not be. And they do exist, just as do women who are incapable of any task, no matter how small.
Also, since when is furniture moving a man’s job? Everytime I’ve seen it, it’s been an “all available hands” job. I certainly wouldn’t let my husband move a couch upstairs by himself, no matter what damnfool notion he has of his own strength and masculinity.
I apologize for my phrasing earlier; most of my friends are male, and the only person I’ve ever cohabitated with is a male. I’ve seen this phenomenon far more often in males as a result, though, admittedly, it’s not unknown amongst females. I apologize for generalizing. The fact remains, though–if someone, male or female, doesn’t learn how to do basic household tasks, they are going to be an absolute bitch to live with.
Also, to be fair, lawn mowing isn’t done year-round in many areas. Oil changes are only needed about every 3 months, and can be done by a professional with minimal hassle if necessary (like with my bitch of a car). Dishes, laundry, cleaningetc., need to be done on a regular basis. Cooking needs to be done at least once daily, and often 2-3 times in one day. Even if there is an equal amount of work, it might not seem that way, since the “male’s” work is relegated to less frequent–though longer–blocks of time, while the "female’s’’ work is done pretty much every day.
Getting in on this kind of late but I just want to say I agree 100% with this. This is exactly the kind of household I grew up in - my mother pretty much took care of everything. The ONLY expectation she had of me was to to do well in school and stay out of trouble. And I’ll tell ya - the kind of pressure she’d put on me to get assignments in on time (and those all-important A’s) taught me far more responsibility and time management and self-discipline than chores ever could.
