Background info: Stay at home mom, 4 kids (ages 15, 11, 2, and 9 months). Former teacher, currently doing a very (VERY) small business from home. I’ve been a SAHM for nearly two years and am finally coming to terms with it.
Why am I doing this? (Multiple choice, and the answer depends on how my day is going.)
a. There’s a chance that there may be someone out there who may find him/herself contemplating stay at home parenting, and may have some serious concerns that I might be able to address.
b. This is, actually, a well-thought out and serious lifestyle choice. Not as exciting as, say, the Gay Guy threads, but still.
b. I might get to talk to actual grown ups–people who don’t need their noses wiped, their diapers changed (if you need your diaper changed, *please, * I beg of you, do not tell me about it. Ignorance, in this case, is bliss.), or help on their homework.
Sorry, I don’t really have any questions for you, because my husband is a SAHD, and I know what it’s like. But I will say this–anyone that says being a stay-at-home-parent isn’t a real job will feel my wrath.
Did your kids have a difficult time with the alphabet?
(tee hee hee)
No, seriously, I wanted to say I admire you for what you’re doing. There is no more important job one can have than to raise kids into real live functioning worthwhile human beings. Anyone who can stand/afford to stay home and do it full-time deserves a lot of respect.
Persephone, good for you and your husband in your choice. If you or he have any responses or ideas, please chime in. I’m interested in SAHD’s point of view too.
**Daowajan ** I’m a soapmaker/candlemaker. I just scaled my business back from having a studio where I made and shipped 200 pounds of soap/week (and I took both babies with me every day!) to working out of my dining room just filling small direct orders. The studio just got to be too much, especially since my youngest got old enough to cling to my pant legs all the time. I also do free-lance proof reading, which brings me to…
Cranky!
We are only up to “b” so far. And counting in my house consists of “One, two, THREEEEEE! Onetwothreeee!”. Once of these days we might reach four.
dropzone Good for you! Good JOB! Soon you’ll be peeing in the toilet, I bet.
Hopefully more grown ups will drop by. I have banana bread, if that helps.
~karol
I quit my job to stay home with the baby a while back. I thought I’d go nuts and want to get back to work after a few months or a year at the most. That baby is going to turn 12 this month, and I’m still not looking for a paying job. I enjoy being the boss too much.
I suppose the only question I have is how you deal with FOUR of them. I’ve got two now (the younger is 8), and I know I couldn’t manage one more. It’s surprising how much time they take, isn’t it?
You took time to bake banana bread? I’d love some, thanks!
I meet so many women who emphatically tell me that they will NOT be SAHMs. When I had my first two, I felt the same way, although I probably would have stayed home for a year if I’d had a chance. But I do think that it really is something you have to actually do before you know how much you want to do it, if that makes sense.
Probably teaching teenagers for 10 years helped me develop thick skin, high tolerance, and a low "I take that personally quotient.
It’s hard to keep up sometimes. Luckily my older ones are involved in only one activity each, so that helps with scheduling. And to top it off, we live in a fairly small (1800 sf), 3 bedroom house, and we also have 3 dogs and 4 cats. At last count, anyway.
Feeding the older ones is becoming a real challenge. It’s a good thing we have an Aldi’s nearby, where I can buy mac & cheese for .39.
~karol
I’m learning to cook more frugally. It’s a necessity, because we effectively are living on 1/2 the income we used to have, and we have a huge house payment.
I’ve always cooked meat and potatoes-type food, and never made cookies, bread, etc, until recently. It’s been interesting, and so far the one thing I’ve managed to do well is banana bread. I make a great baked oatmeal too, but I guess that’s another thread.
~karol
It’s my kids’ favorite food. But, they’re aged four and two. Doesn’t take much to make them happy.
My husband has come up with a couple of cool ways to dress up mac & cheese, too. The kids prefer it straight, but I myself like the stuff he throws in. Easy stuff, like tuna and mixed vegetables. Nothing outrageous, but it tastes really good.
Oh yes, Instant Casserole. I’ve become very adept at making dinner out of whatever meat is left in the fridge from a day or so ago, some cream-of-whatever soup, potatoes, and cheese. You just never know what you may find yourself eating at the Casa de Bodypoet.
But it’s always yummy. Most of the time.
[sub]Okay, well, the hominy with the cheese and stuff was kinda weird. But that was an exception.[/sub]
Say, Persephone, that sounds like a fine man you have there.
~karol
First off, I really dig your username, bodypoet rolls off the tongue nicely.
Second, mad props for doing the stay at home thing. It’s a hard choice to make. I hope to be SAHD dad one day. Just hope I can do it as well as well as you seem to be.
Why, thank you. [hijack]My business name is Body Poetry, so named because the Original Body Poetry handcrafted soap contains, inside the triple-folded wrapper, an original poem by a local (Indiana) poet. Most of them are actually my poetry, only because I can’t get these local poets to send me their work.
[/hijack]
I wonder what kind of reaction SAHDs get? I know I get the “So what do you DO?” response from a lot of people. Recently a very nice young man asked me that, and when I told him I stayed home with my kids, he said, “Oh, I seriously understand what it’s like to be unemployed.”
Well. He was trying so hard to be nice and empathetic that I couldn’t very well smack him upside the head.
I complained to my marriage counselor and she told me in the future I should respond thusly: I am engaged in a noble profession.
Nice, eh? Feel free to borrow it when the time comes. Good luck!
~karol
Wow, I’m obsessive? Cool. I’ll have to tell my mom.
I’ve actually got a bad cold right now and I am trying to wash my hands frequently, in a (vain, no doubt) attempt not to pass it on to the rest of the household by Monday. I can pick something else to ask, though.
Um…“you didn’t leave your socks on the FLOOR, did you?”
or, alternately, “You’re playing on the Internet? Have you finished your homework?”
Hi Bodypoet.
The oh-so-lovely and extremely ferocious Mrs. Drillrod is also a SAHM with nearly five years experience now. She is always glad to hear others talk about their experiences.
Yes, it took a year or two to get into the “not taking everything personally” stage, but she does a wonderful job of mothering our two boys.
I know it’s a pain for us, financially, and a pain for her, socially, emotionally and mentally. I love her for her willingness to make the sacrifices.
Gee, and I was worried that I’d get all sorts of negative responses.
I have noticed that among my husband’s and my local friends, there are NO other SAHparents. None. All of the parents work two jobs, and often work three or four jobs between them. They think I’m lucky, and I am, but I have to say it’s more than luck. It takes hard work to live on one income, as any of you with a SAHP can attest.
Actually, in our case, we’ve always found that we would pretty much end up behind by having Mrs. Drillrod work, factoring in the added costs of her working.
We live a pretty simple life. Only one car, simple family events like miniature golf, going to parks, the occasional movie. Frankly, as long as we’re satisfied with a relatively no-frills life, we’re doing ok.
Mrs. Drillrod says that when asked, “What do you do?” she says that she’s a Stay At Home Mom and it usually ends at that.
Actually, we know quite a lot of SAH families and we don’t really hang out in a high-income circle. We’re military, and while the pay isn’t that great, the benefits are good.
You’d be surprised at how little income you actually need to be able to have a SAHP as long as you’re willing to make just a few sacrifices.
No questions, just want to say from a WOTH mom that I admire and respect your choice.
The day I returned from maternity leave with #2, I thanked my boss for employing me so I wouldn’t have to be a SAHM. It’s tough, something I don’t think I am cut out to do (at least not with the two toddlers I have - although now that they are getting older (now just turned 3 and just turned 2) it would be much more interesting and less stressful - guess I’m not a young toddler person)
Hi. My son is going to be 1 in 3 days and the next one is already baking, not planned, but not unhappy. I doubt very seriously if I’ll be able to afford to work after the next one’s born. I also don’t know if I’m cut out to be a SAHM. I want to, ideally. I think that it would enrich my life and hopefully the kids too. Is it hard to cope with not bringing in any money? I’m afraid that I’ll get lazy and end up not doing anything at all. Yes, I’m just scared all around. Please comfort me.
