I’ve been wondering about this for quite some time now. I have a 2-year-old son. My wife makes enough money to cover our expenses, and she likes what she does for a living. I, on the other hand, am sick of my job. I don’t mean just this company, but my field in general. I’m paying an exhorbitant amount of money to a sitter, and it kills me to leave the little guy there for 40 hours a week. My wife has given me a green light, so long as I find some reasonable health insurance to replace what I’m providing now, which may be a deal-breaker by itself.
If I decide to stay home and be what amounts to a “housewife” until my son begins school at age 5, does that make me pathetic? A loser? (insert jab here) I enjoy spending time with my son more than anything, and you only have a small window to be with your kid all day.
I’m impressed with the large number of posters on this site, many of whom seem intelligent. A good number of whom seem very intelligent.
Our own Rue DeDay is a SAHD, and he’s most certainly not pathetic or a loser. In fact, he’s quite fetching in his apron and pearls…
[sub]ya know I luvs ya, Rue!![/sub]
Personally, I think it’s terrific when a parent is able to stay at home with the kid(s), regardless of which parent it is. And really, in the grand scheme of things, what matters is what you and your wife think is best, not what anyone else thinks.
It is awesome that you want to stay at home. I think that it is good for a child to have at least one parent at home. It shouldn’t matter which. I think that you are being a good Dad! Keep up the good work.
Heck no. If I were to ever have a child (not likely but possible), my husband has said he’d be quite willing to be a stay-at-home-dad if we decided on that, and I’d support that.
The only thing I would caution about is that sometimes women have trouble re-entering the workplace after being at home to take care of children, and I suspect men would have a tougher time dealing with that kind of “gap” on their resumes. (Though you might score extra points if your interviewer is a mom, or a dad who’d done the same or wanted to.) I’d suggest looking into something you can do during the time you’re off to help “prove” that the time at home wasn’t due to being a slacker or whatever else. Freelance writing, volunteering somewhere, things like that might help - see if there are any stay-at-home-dad books out there which discuss this, or many resume/job-hunting books talk about resume “gaps” and how to deal with them.
We don’t have kids, but ever since he got downsized in 2001, Mr. S has been temping here and there, but mostly staying home to take care of ME, because I have to work a bit harder now to cover the bills. I’m self-employed and work at home, so having him here to run errands, cook, clean, work on finishing the house, take care of the critters, etc., has been GREAT. And he LOVES being “Master of the House.”
I think it’s a fabulous gift you can give your child: the gift of your time, the gift of a loving father who takes parenting so seriously he’s willing to do something that is not (yet) the norm in this country. Think what a wonderful example you are setting for him and for his concept of what men do and dads do.
The only thing is, expect a lot of attention at times. My husband always gets talked to at the grocery store when he takes our son (when I do it, I’m just another mom with her brat). Same for going out to breakfast with him. He’s the only dad in the parent-and-toddler art classes they’ve taken. When we did infant massage, the instructor made a huge fuss over the fact that he was the first dad she’d ever taught who came to every session.
FTR, my husband isn’t a stay-at-home dad, but he works at home and has a flexible schedule, so he’s always tended to do more of these things with our son.
Nah. I took off almost two years when my son was born; my wife was earning about twice what I was at the time and it made more sense for me to be at home. We had a daughter during those two years, and when I finally went back to work, the daycare cost enough that for the first six months, we were losing money on the deal.
My husband was a SAHD. He loved it, and there was a SAHD group that met for play dates and nights out with the guys a couple times a month. It was a weird transition for him at first, but we are both glad he was able to do it. I was worried that he might be embarassed or something, but he wasn’t. The reaction from our friends and family was overwhelmingly positive.
Stay-at-home-dads are cool. My brother-in-law takes care of their three kids (7, 4, and 3) while his wife works full-time. Frankly, I think she has it easier than him, though it kills her to be away from the kids so much. But she makes more money than he would, so it makes much more financial sense. I think there is a group of Dads here in the area that get together periodically at parks, ball games, etc. for the kids to play together.
In fact, my brother is also a SAHD with two boys, ages 2 and 1. I think it’s becoming more common.
Clint, when Mr. S lost his job (and our insurance), we switched to a plan for self-employed folks though Golden Rule. We have major medical with about $5,000 deductible (but 100% coverage after that), combined with a medical savings account – like checking, only contributions are tax deductible, earn interest, and roll over from year to year. We use the MSA to pay for all medical expenses, which fortunately for us are not much – dentist, vision exams, my yearly gyn exam and BC pills, occasional trips to the doctor. I’m not sure how this would work if you have kids or ongoing medical problems. We are currently paying $215/month, and it’s been going up about $50/month every year.
It may seem like a lot, but with Mr. S’s HMO we were paying for insurance that we hardly used, and then when we went to the doc we still had to pay more. I like the idea of seeing exactly where the money’s going when we pay (essentially) out of pocket. And for anything major we’d only be out $5,000, and I think we could handle that. If you take the cash you’d be paying on more expensive premiums and put it in your MSA, you’re covered.
My husband did this for years. It was the right thing to do. We agreed it was irresponsible of us as parents for both to work when we could live on my income.
2 caveats -
He missed out on a LOT of social activities. Social plans are made by women, not men, and he just wasn’t included. Make sure you find some buddies who are doing the same thing.
It is a mistake to think children need a parent at home just when they are little. We have 3 teenagers. Teenagers need a parent who is tuned in to them, knowing who their friends are, knowing what’s going on at school, there to ask 'how was your math test, what’s your homework?"
Don’t have any insurance expertise, but wanted to chime in and say being a stay-at-home dad is a great idea. I’m a stay-at-home mom and love it.
That said some suggestions and tips:
Find some sort of regularly meeting group(s) to join. For me a weekly playgroup meeting during the mornings with kid in tow and two monthly bookclubs, no kids, do the trick to make me feel part of adult circles.
For a stay-at-home dad (I’ve known two) I would urge you to try and start or find a stay-at-home dad playgroup with at least 7 members. Moms do a lot of talk about breastfeeding, labor, and complaining about husbands. Since you will be stepping outside society’s prescribed role for men you will REALLY be served by knowing guys doing the same thing. And you can talk about sports, cars and complain about your wives.
You and your wife MAY find yourselves having difficulty with the new roles. Try to communicate very honestly and clearly-- and listen carefully and respectfully.
Typical problem areas:
housework
cooking
time to oneself for each parent
time together without kid
money(governed by the one who earns it? or “our” money?)
Reading over that list I’m thinking “Hey, those are the problem areas in marriage period” but they are some of the areas where things will change when you start staying at home.
Good Luck!
p.s. why 7 members for a playgroup? It’s enough to still have a good sized group no matter who’s sick or away, but not so many that your average house will be overcrowded.
I know a few SAHD’s and they run the gamut - some are cool, some aren’t. One fella is in my periodic poker gang and is great (we’re playing tonight, in fact).
If you can give the gift of time and involvement to your children, as opposed to a sitter, how can that be anything but the coolest?