I’ve looked into the topic a little bit, but I can’t find a whole lot of worthwhile information online. I think it should be something that is more readily accepted in America, but I don’t know if I myself would be able to do it - mostly I would have concerns about social isolation.
Yeah. 220… 221, whatever it takes.
From the sociologists point of view, this is reverse sexism. The underlying assumption is that men are somehow worse at taking care of children and the home. While it is still true that men make more than women for the same job, and thus this puts the family at a financial disadvantage, there’s not a lot of data that includes maternity leave. In Europe, vacations are 3 months per year, so women don’t have to take maternity leave to have children, which creates the illusion that salaries are more fair in other countries than the US. However, the US pays for work done, not for work missed, so if maternity leave is excluded, women should be much closer to men in earnings.
However, the social stigma still continues today in virtually every country: men are defined by their job. Men without jobs are considered below average or deficient in some way, and except for I think Australia, housework is still not considered a job.
Therefore, if there is truly equality of the sexes in the US, a house-husband should be just as celebrated as a housewife, and all the arguments for housewives should also apply to men.
Interestingly, another caveat: in most countries, saying a man is like a woman or a woman is like a man is an insult, e.g. a beautiful man, a handsome woman. Therefore, even a man who is proud of being a stay-at-home dad is likely to be embarrassed at some level by it. I found this most interesting on the TV show Modern Family, where the gay couple often fight about who is the woman in the relationship.
Do you feel that there is movement in the direction of greater acceptance of stay at home dads; or do you think these attitudes will largely remain unchanged?
Is it odd that I don’t know of a single family member or friend who is a stay at home dad? And most of my family members were raised by single moms.
I think the level of acceptance will change as more people personally know actual stay at home dads. Like how it’s easier for people to accept gays when they actually know some.
My bro was a stay at home dad for 3 years and he’s a total stud. His wife’s a teacher so she was home during the summer and nothing more spectacular happened when she was home. He did great.
I hear of it, but don’t know any personally myself - a lot of guys will say that they think it would be great, but they don’t actually do it.
My brother is a stay at home dad currently and his wife is the primary breadwinner.
He is not in the least socially isolated though, and sort of works at home managing investments and playing with Bitcoins. They are fairly well off, in part because of what my brother is up to.
They also do not live in the US, if that makes a difference.
As much as americans shout about equality of the sexes, they are obviously not equal. Today, who holds open the door or carries heavy things? If there’s a cockroach, who’s job is to kill it? If a man wanted pickles and ice cream at 3am, how many women would get it for him?
Imho, I don’t think there will be true equality until there is open and frank discussion about the differences between sexes. Today in the US, as Bill Maher put it, it’s all about “women nodding.” As long as you say what women will agree with, you’re OK. The second you say something they disagree with, they will attack you as sexist, regardless of the truth of what you say.
But, I do have a lot of hope thanks to the legal system. Before, in a domestic dispute, men were automatically arrested and put in a huge disadvantage in divorce proceedings. Now, women are given equal blame legally in domestic disputes, because, surprise!, some women nag a lot and are often found to be the cause of the dispute, particularly when alcohol is involved.
So, to me, there will never be social sexual equality in the US until both men and women see each other as equals first. Women have to stop jumping down men’s throats for legitimate criticisms that are not sexist. And even then, it will take at least 3-5 generations for the ideas to reach the majority of the population.
I think it’s cool in a “do your own thing” kinda way, but overall I’d rather see a world where everyone works a little. Over here daddy days are a pretty big thing. I even have a friend who isn’t a daddy who has daddy days. :dubious:
Not because of laziness or anything like that, but next thing you know they’re getting divorced and have no marketable skills and all that stuff that we’ve actually known for years is a problem when it concerns women. Overall, it just seems more sensible for everyone to work a little bit. But whatevs. People should do what works for them.
I know a few stay-at-home dads in the software industry that aren’t unemployed, but telecommute or contract and have flexible schedules. It’s not quite as dedicated as an old housewife-type role would be, but until the kid gets older they do bear the brunt of the child rearing and housework. (Though I do know one couple who both do software contracting from home and it seems to work very well).
You are assuming this sort of thing is the status quo. But it’s not, at least not always.
In my previous marriage and amongst friends who are currently married, women taking out the trash, killing bugs, maintaining and driving vehicles, carrying heavy things and generally being the caretaker - are the majority. By far. Including my previous marriage (I am female.)
I’d look to your personal demographics. I do think there is a difference between Suburban SUV-driving Mom and Blue Collar female. Suburban SUV-driving Mom seems to be the most gender-specific and helpless example of the species.
Until both our kids were in school day my wife and I shared one job (fortunately, we were in the same line of work at the time). I’m thankful I got to be home with them, although much of the time it was harder than a day at work.
Maybe it’s just my social set, but I know a few stay at home dads. Most of them do something else as well- getting a post-graduate degree, occasional consulting projects etc. but then again, so do most of the stay at home moms that I know.
When my husband and I have a kid/kids, he will probably stay home for a while, or at least cut his hours back quite a bit and work on other projects of his own. It’s not what we had originally planned- I was always the one who was gung-ho about having a family and he was more “if it happens it happens.” However, I am the one with the health insurance, and I think he is going to be a wonderful dad. I don’t think it means he is lazy or a pioneer, it’s just what works out best.
Seeing how women earn something like 40% more tertiary degrees than men I can see a lot of situations where it makes more financial sense for the mom to work and the dad to stay at home.
I’ve known a few stay-at-home dads. The two that spring to mind were both married to lawyers: one was also a law school graduate but realized he hated law, and never practiced it. He was an awesome stay-at-home dad and did everything else around the house: cooking, child care, laundry, serving on the local school council. It made sense for their household, and he certainly pulled his own weight in the family.
The other stay-at-home dad ended up doing it when his job was phased out of existence, and at first it was by mutual agreement, but he really milked it. He said it would be just until the youngest kid was in kindergarten, and the household was sadly neglected: bills went unpaid (not for lack of cash, but because he didn’t deal with them); the kids ate nothing but boloney sandwiches because he couldn’t be bothered to figure out something healthier to serve them or, you know, learn to cook at all, even with coaching from his wife; meanwhile he somehow had time to go play racquetball 5 days a week, and even when all the kids were in school, refused to look for a job more than 5 minutes form home or gain any new skills that might make him more employable. Meanwhile mom is commuting nearly 4 hours a day and working like a dog to support 5 people. That couple is now divorced.
I think stay-at-home dads are dandy as long as it’s by mutual agreement and the man is pulling his own weight in the relationship, however the couple defines that. Same goes for stay-at-home moms.
I think the more stringent issue is that the stay-at-home one has to be the pickier one – at least with regards to cleanliness the bigger “neat freak”. Some people don’t care about messes much – not necessarily hoarders or even slobs, they don’t care about some disarray or dust. So this causes friction if the working one wants things neater because they see the person as slacking while the person at home doesn’t really see the state of the house as any issue at all.
That’s not to say the thing with the kids was okay, but in terms of cleanliness I think the biggest issue is often how much the standards of cleanliness align, and not necessarily whether or not one is actually lazy.
If the neater one is also the one with the better job, they’re probably going to be the one going to work.
Right, I’m saying that in that case, it’s probably going to cause a lot of friction. Obviously the one with a better job should work, but I also think that the cleanliness stressor is only going to be relieved if the stay-at-home one’s standards are higher or around the same as the working one.
I’m not saying “the decision of who stays home should be based on cleanliness standards”. I’m saying “if the one with lower standards of cleanliness stays home, it’s almost inevitably going to cause friction.”