Some great advice here.
I have 3 kids (7, 4, and 3) so there are alot of timeouts around here.
I work in a school and volunteer as a Scout leader and baseball and hockey coach, so I spent alot of time working with kids. (My wife is not impressed)
From my experiences, I’ve learned a couple techniques.
Offer choices of punishment - they will pick the one that they find easier but it allows them a glimmer of free will even if those choices are limited and non-negotiable.
Express your disappointment in their behaviour and try to be supportive rather than being angry at them.
Sometimes, you may need to wait for a 24 hour cooling off period before deciding on the appropriate punishment.
Demonstrate that the world goes on with or without them and their behaviour will in no way interfere with you or others going about their day. When they choose to serve their punishment and act appropriately they may rejoin the family activity, etc…
Afterwards, have them explain to you why they were punished. You’d be surprised how many kids don’t recognize exactly why they are being punished.
End every disciplinary conversation positively. A hug, an “I love you”, a pat on the back, a “now get back out there and have fun” all go a long way to developing a good relationship even when behaviour is an issue. Kids (and adults for that matter) need to feel that you like them and are on their side and they will strive to keep your respect.
I have a 10 year old. We haven’t had major issues yet. No TV is the most common punishment.
We did ground him once recently when he disappeared and we had the extreme pleasure of asking about a dozen neighbors if they’d seen him before we found him. The grounding sucked for him because the neighborhood kids typically play football in front of our house and it killed him to not be able go out and join in.
We’ve also done essays or letters of apology a few times. Those are effective because he HATES to write.
I’m a single mom. My 12 and 14 year olds are really good kids, and it’s a good thing because I have zero tolerance for bullshit.
If they bicker with each other to the point it annoys me, I confiscate the iPads and ipods. (They only have iPads because the school issued them to every student) and hand them each a big trash bag and set them to cleaning their respective disaster area rooms.
The men I raised (now 22 and 26) weren’t too bad as teens either. The oldest always has to learn things the hard way, so that’s what I allowed him to do. Convinced that you won’t REALLY get arrested for shoplifting? Guess what–you will, and you mom won’t bail you out of jail. Figure the cops won’t REALLY impound your car? Guess again! Hope you have money saved. I refuse to take responsibility for someone making dumb choices.
My daughter (at about 9) was rude to my sister once–ONCE. I was furious and gave her seven kinds of hell and she had to apologize and was grounded for the weekend. Not a problem since. I’m pretty laid back, but I won’t tolerate rudeness and unkindness.
I sound like a mean mom, but I’m really not. I have just about the happiest and most well-behaved kids I know.