Parents: How would you have handled this playground situation?

In My Humble Opinion
1

This happened over the weekend, and while I don’t actually think I did anything wrong, I have this nagging feeling I could have handled it better.

As the parent of a three-year old, I spend a lot of time at public playgrounds. My general philosophy about the playground is that I am there to watch my kid, not your kid. If a bunch of kids twice my son’s size are using one playground structure, I will gently direct him to a different one. I am always close by (none of this “yea, you play on the three story structure while I try to beat Angry Birds from the bench 50 feet away”) in case he gets himself into trouble or acts up. On the other side, you are there to watch your kid. If your kid wants to dangle from the outside of the play structure from 30 feet up, it’s your job to tell him no, not mine. If your kid wants to get in a fistfight with someone that has 50 pounds on him, that’s your fight to break up, not mine. If your kid wants to ignore the playground rules, it’s up to you to tell him to quit. The ONLY time I will say something to your kid is if A - s/he is actually in need of medical attention and will die if I don’t do something (hasn’t happened yet) or B - s/he is directly interfering with my kid’s playtime.

The latter has only happened once before this weekend. There, my kid was was playing on a structure with some other kids, maybe a year older than him. One of them came to me and said “excuse me, he is too little to use this. He needs to play with the baby stuff” to which I responded “He can use this if he wants, and if you don’t like it you can talk to your mother about it”. Fortunately, the girl’s mom was close by and chided her kid for not sharing and apologized for her daughter. My reaction was “eh, no harm, no foul. Kids, amirite?”. No more problems that day.

Last weekend we were at a playground near my dad’s house, which we have been going to since my son turned one (there’s several swingsets, a tiny kid play structure, and a larger, three part structure). It’s not a huge park, I’d say 20 kids there would really pushing it. Anyway, when we rolled up, it was pretty populated - maybe a dozen kids where there. Some of them were in the 7-9 range, and were playing… awfully rough. Things like shoving each other off the ladders, going down the same slide* at the same time, climbing up the slide, climbing on the outside of the slide, etc. Can’t say I really approved, but hey, not my kids, not my problem. Since they would have flattened my kid, I directed him to part of the structure they weren’t using. (Frankly, he looked a bit freaked out by them and didn’t need much encouragement to leave them alone).

Anyway, after maybe 10-15 minutes, the bigger kids went to a different part of the playground to play. My son mentioned wanting to go down the slides they had previously used. Sure, sez I, they aren’t being used. So my son climbs to the top, and just as he’s getting ready to go down, one of the big kids runs over and jumps in the bottom of the slide to go up the slide. My dad tries to get his attention and stop him, but neither of us noticed the kid until he was out of sight. Luckily, my son hadn’t started going down yet, so we stopped him, and he had to wait while Kid A ascended the slide. I’m pretty torqued off about this (it’s against the playground rules, which I always enforce with my kid, plus the chance of injury, plus this means my kid isn’t getting to play). Anyway, once Kid A finished, my son got to go down - had a great time, wanted to go again. So he did. Wanted to go a third time. Started his way up, when Kid A comes around again, starts to go up again. This time I’m closer and the following exchange occurs:

Me: “Hey Kid, Knock it off! Slides aren’t for going up!”
Kid A leaves
Some Parent: “Hey, you don’t have to talk to kids that way!”
**Me: "You want to do some parenting over here?"
SP walks over in a huff
SP: “First of all, that’s not my kid,”
Me: “Wait, then why do you care?”
SP: “Uh, second, you don’t have to talk to kids that way. You could gently remind them with an 'Excuse me, could you”
Me: “Look, that kid was horsing around, he was keeping my son from playing, he’s not even supposed to do that, I stopped him, there’s no problem here”
SP: “Well, nobody was using the slide…”
**Me: **“Then you weren’t watching”
SP: “I was watching, nobody used the slide in 10 minutes except your kid”
Me: “Then either you weren’t watching or you don’t think my kid gets to use the slide”
SP: “Well, except your kid, but you still don’t need to be mean”
My Dad: “Look, you have nothing to say, just go away”
SP gets a surprised look, then turns and walks away without saying anything

I later found out that the kid I yelled at was the son of the parent sitting next to the guy that came to talk to me.

There’s a postscript that isn’t really related, so I’ll spoiler it:

About 15 minutes later, Some Parent’s kid (who he wasn’t watching) shoved Kid A into a pole and gave him a bloody nose. Which neither Some Parent nor Kid A’s dad noticed until they came over to their bench crying. So both families left the playground, and then my son got to play as much as he wanted without being interrupted. I’m not happy a kid got hurt (that’s never something to be happy about), but I felt somewhat vindicated that Some Parent needs to do some real parenting instead of ignoring his kid until someone gets hurt or he gets called on it.

Anyway, my dad’s reaction was that the guy was just a bully, doesn’t want to do any work but will throw a fit when someone calls him on it. Probably doesn’t get told “no” very often, but if someone stands up to him he’ll fold like a house of cards. When I related the incident to my wife, she thought that guy was being a jerk and I did exactly what she would have done. And truth be told, I don’t think I did anything wrong: if your kid is keeping my kid from having a good time, I’m going to say something. If you don’t like hearing you need to watch your kids, don’t take them to the park. And I’m not going to cave to some douche that’s mad I yelled at a misbehaving kid.

But, I also think that if ‘Some Parent’ was instead ‘Some meathead with a rage problem’, I don’t really want to get punched in the face. Of course, I’m not going to let some other kid walk all over my kid either.

I know the dope has a wide variety of opinions, but I’m curious to see what others would have done differently.

  • when I say slides here, I’m referring to the tubular slides where the whole thing is encased in opaque plastic, as opposed to an open slide where you can see the whole thing. The slides in question were coming from the “third story” of the play structure, maybe 30 ft tall in total.

** probably not the most PC way of putting it, but I was angry and frankly I think parents should do some parenting instead of letting their kids get away with anything

2

Why do you care if some kid goes up the slide? It’s a playground, not an obstacle course at boot camp. Kids should be able to explore freely.

Of course sometimes adult intervention is necessary, but I’d dial it way back and keep it to a minimum.

3

I have no problem with what you said to the kid who was climbing up (although I of course cannot know what your tone sounded like), but saying “you want to do some parenting?” strikes me as going nuclear awfully fast.

4

Because his kid wanted to go down which is what the slide is meant for. Some kid scrabbling his way up an opaque slide is not visible to anyone wanting to go down which means it’s a great way to get a foot in the face and they take forever to get to the top which wastes everybody’s time. You want to fuck around on the public slides, go at dusk like I always did.

5

Sounds like you let the kid climbing up the slide and the SP get under you skin a little too quickly. Instead of going all “playground police”, why not just point out to the kid that another kid was about to go down the slide and that climbing up it was dangerous. Accomplishes the same thing without the lecturing tone.

Also the flippant response to SP, could have been more of, hey, I’m just watching out for my kid, instead of accusing him of not doing anything.

6

You absolutely had the right to ask Kid A to not climb up while your son is on the slide. but “hey kid, knock it off”? Surely you can think of better ways to talk to a kid. Your own kid is going to do a lot of dumb things in the next 15+ years, and you will still want people to treat him with respect when correcting him. Kid A wasn’t being purposely bad, he just didn’t know better and was in his own world - same as all of us until someone teaches us. So why not be a positive influence and roll model for the kid and your son?

You aren’t the Sheriff of the Playground. You can certainly correct behavior that has the potential to impact your son (“please don’t climb the slide while my son is trying to go down”) but I think it’s overstepping and being a busybody when you try to enforce the rules outside of that (“Slides aren’t for going up!”). You never climbed a slide as a kid?

7

I would have been more like, “Let’s take turns, okay? After he comes down, you can climb up.”

And I probably would have used the moment to explain why the little boy should wait. “You see how it’s safer if you wait for him to come down first? This way you won’t get kicked in the face. OK, now it’s your turn.”

Climbing up the slide is fine if there’s no one else on the slide. The problem is not climbing without looking first.

I don’t think you have to be someone’s second father on the playground. But there’s a difference between scolding someone else’s kid and being firm with them.

8

I think your nagging feeling that you could have handled it better is right, to be honest. If I had witnessed the exchange that you described, I would think you were… maybe wound a little too tight?

Frankly, I was waiting for the part of the story where one of the other kids pushed your kid off a ladder or called your kid names or wouldn’t let your kid play on the equipment (I mean by saying, “You can’t go down this slide” or “Go away” or something, not just by being oblivious as in your story.)

While I can see how an eight year old going up the slide the wrong way out of turn and making your kid wait would be a bit annoying, but it doesn’t raise my “feral children alarm” either.

First off, good on you for taking your kid to the park to play. And yes, parents should keep an eye on their own kids. But 7 to 9 year olds require a different level of monitoring than a 3 y.o. With 7 to 9, I am concerned if they are breaking things or being mean to other kids or doing something dangerous to other kids. I see nothing wrong with a couple of families getting their kids together and going to the park, with the parents sitting on a bench and chatting while watching, like these parents were doing. (And likewise, good on them for doing that instead of letting their kids play XBox all day… just the fact that they were at the playground shows a higher than minimal level of parenting, I think.) They weren’t totally oblivious, or else they wouldn’t have noted your interaction with one of their kids.

I would actually think it was kind of strange if they were actively standing right next to the slides and towers fully engaged in the play of their group of eight year olds.

I do wonder why you are trying so hard to cast the other parent in a bad light? It seems to me that fundamentally all that they were saying was if you are going to be instructing/chastising/scolding other people’s children, you should do it in a manner with less of an “edge.” YMMV, but I can see some good reasons for doing so. For example, just like you don’t want other kids to walk all over your kid, other parents don’t want to see some unknown adult instructing/chastising/scolding their child, especially if they didn’t witness their kid doing something pretty high on the misbehavior scale. It is going to be a natural response for most people to initially intervene in their child’s behalf, with a subtext of feeling that their parenting is being criticized. If you keep your initial comment to the other kid more low key, it is less likely to instigate a confrontation with another parent.

I don’t see the bloody nose as vindication for you or as the result of bad parenting. Kids do stupid things and no amount of parental supervision is going to prevent all of it.

One thing I can’t understand is your Dad’s comment (“Look, you have nothing to say, just go away”) and analysis of the other parent’s personality. I don’t see how the other parent can be construed to be a bully from the comments you related, and the “stand up to them and they come down like a house of cards” attitude applied to this interaction seems a little too …playground.

9

Is the 30’ slide is designated for 3 year olds to play in? In my neighborhood, those big slides and areas where they are have age brackets, with corresponding slides and smaller play structures for smaller kids.

In any case, I am annoyed when kids don’t observe the right of way and go up the slides. It’s dangerous, and more than likely whoever is bigger is going to come out less damaged from that collision, regardless of direction. If they are climbing up, they will climb over and on top of whoever is coming down. That being said, I’d rather not fight in front of my kid so if there are bigger kids playing as you describe I’d leave. No need to increase opportunities for altercation.

If you must engage with someone else’s kid, the strict tone is fine. Kids are oblivious.

10

You were fine. You were under no obligation to phrase it as a request; it wasn’t a request. The kid was wrong, you corrected him. If he’s such a delicate flower that he can’t be told to, “knock it off,” then his parent should stand sentry over him to ensure he’s not in a position to be corrected. Also, every school-aged kid in this country knows slides are for sliding, ladders are for climbing; your pretending that he didn’t know that would have been an unnecessary fiction.

11

Thanks fro the responses so far guys, I appreciate them.

See the part about it was keeping my kid from playing. Again, I don’t care what some other kid does, as long as they aren’t bothering my kid.

Yea, I was angry because it wasn’t the first time the kid had done it, and I really wanted a better way to respond.

Yea, this would have been better to say.

I think you underestimate how quick kids are. If I tried anything less terse, the kid is gone before I’ve finished.

Sure - until I ended up with stitches because it went wrong. It’s not a safe activity.

He was not just “going up the slide”, but also shoving other kids off ladders and other horseplay that frankly I’m not going to let my kid get away with when he’s that age. It wasn’t a one-time “oh, you did something I don’t like”, it was a “this kid doesn’t respect others and the parents aren’t doing shit, so if he overdoes it around my kid, I better say something”

Fair points

That’s the thing: It wasn’t even this parent’s kid! He decided to walk over and white knight over somebody else’s kid.

I talked to dad afterward, and he pointed out “It’s not his kid, the kid was in the wrong, why is he coming over to complain about it?”

Also, and I know it’s impossible to get tone over the internet, but he gave off this snide, condescending demeanor. It’s as if his attitude was “hey dipshit, you raised your voice at a kid! Even if it’s not mine, I better come over and dress you down for it”. He was very smug until I responded that I’m not ok with this kid stopping my kid from having a good time. I think Dad stuck his nose in it because the guy was starting to repeat his points like he was surprised I didn’t roll over for him immediately.

There’s no age designations for the playground (I checked the posted “playground rules” the first time I came to make sure). He’s gone down them before while playing with children of his own age. Granted, I was a bit nervous the first time, but he loves it.

You summed up my feelings pretty well. The thing is, I don’t want an altercation either, but then I want to stand up for my kid too.

That’s pretty much how I feel about the kid. I’m more thinking I could have handled the parent (again, not even his parent!) better.

12

A kid climbing up the slide is not “keeping your kid from having a good time.” It sounds like you spoke to a child harshly enough that a stranger took issue with it. That feeling you are feeling is called shame.

13

I had issues with kids going up slides as well. Its a really good way for someone to get hurt. If the slide is absolutely positively not being used, go up the slide - but if anyone else is NEAR the slide, its something to go down only. The playgrounds I had my kids on had plenty of things to climb up - it wasn’t like the slide was the only thing interesting to climb - and generally kids climbing up the slide when someone else is trying to go down aren’t doing it because they want to climb up the slide - the slide wasn’t at all interesting when it was unoccupied - its a power play.

I’ve watched the going up while someone was coming down collision happen - like you, unless it was my kids I never said anything - and it did involve a broken arm and a trip to the hospital for one of the kids.

But I was also non-confrontational on the playground - I parented my own kids, and if the kids around them went up the slide - we left for the swings. Because, as you see, other people have other beliefs about slides being bi-directional.

14

Sometimes I wonder if “play by the rules” is going to have greater effect later in life?

I think the OP spoke harsher than was necessary

But slides are for playing.
When playing you need to co-operate

I see kids queuing politely to use the slide turn by turn - and while I think it is the “right” thing, I also wonder if we are somehow impinging on something or other and instilling the message that “rules must be followed”…

15

:rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:

I understand your point and there’s nothing wrong with that viewpoint. But I fundamentally have a problem with “You did what you were supposed to, and that kid didn’t, so you don’t get to play while that kid does”. What kind of message does that send?

I understand this point also, but honestly I look at the world and see a lot more instances where someone should have followed the rules than instances where the rules are the problem.

16

The other guy was a bully that “folded”? Heh. Your dad kind of sounds like a macho asshole to me. To me it seems other guy was polite and patient when faced with your haughty and confrontational attitude.

When I was a kid I remeber going up slides, as a thing kids do. If your kid is coming down, of course you should intervene, but I’d drop the attitude. You don’t have to talk to kids that way.

17

You could have been more polite… but nothing you did or said was unjustified. And the Other Parent’s attitude of “Well, nobody was playing on the slide except your kid” is just inexplicable.

18

I think you were right to say something, but I also think you could have said it in a better way. Kids aren’t delicate flowers; they are, however, people, and a gentle voice is in my experience effective with almost all of them almost all the time. I think I’d have said something like, “Look out! My son’s coming down. You can really get hurt going up the slide when someone’s coming down!” The “Look out!” gets attention, the second sentence explains what’s about to happen, the third explains the rule.

Yeah, kids should follow rules. But a lot of kids find their lives full of insane adults putting inexplicably stupid rules on them (reread Alice in Wonderland with that in mind, it’s my personal favorite interpretation of the story), and a lot of kids figure therefore that following rules something to be done judiciously instead of assiduously. If you can explain the rule, the kid is much likelier to internalize it–and as a bonus, other adults nearby are less likely to be annoyed at you.

If I’d been there, I would have been annoyed at the kid, and then at you, and then at your dad, and thought, “Jesus Christ, let’s go home and play Plants versus Zombies.”

19

I missed that the slide was the tubular type. That’s a lot more dangerous and amps the annoyance factor a lot. I never did climb those because I figured it was a good way to get your face smashed in.

20

That sometimes people do things around you that are legal, but stupid and not safe. And sometimes people around you aren’t aware of or considerate - and you need to be careful. You and I think a slide is for going down and that they were using the slide as it was “supposed” to be used - but you see from this thread that there are plenty of people who think that kids on a playground should use the equipment in creative and non-traditional ways that might be less safe. And I can see the pluses in that, too, for older kids - but when its your three year old going down the slide while some huge six year old goes up the slide - you’d rather everyone do what they were “supposed” to do because its your three year old whose likely to get most hurt in a collision.

Its useful when they are sixteen (as my kids are now) and learning to drive a car and people are switching lanes like they are the only person on the road. They were the same yahoos climbing up the slide - I’m sure of it.