Parents: How would you have handled this playground situation?

In My Humble Opinion
81

That’s great, except that the “okay?” makes it sound like a request, and therefore optional, when it is in fact a non-negotiable directive. And once you’ve made something sound optional, what can you reasonably say when the person you’re speaking to declines the option? The kids I’ve known over the years, they’d split about 50/50 complying with that request and saying, “Nah, he can wait” and continuing to climb. You’ve not really left yourself any route for dealing with the second 50%, ya know? There’s absolutely no reason you can’t firmly but politely say to a kid, “No, someone is already trying to come down. You need to come down from there and wait over to the side where you won’t get kicked.” Real directives, ime, get more consistent good results than semi-requests.

Telling a kid to knock it off and stop breaking clearly posted rules that he’s old enough to read is harsher than I’d go right off the bat, but also not something I’d get my shorts in a wad over someone else doing. I mean, he’s old enough to read the rules, and he’s almost surely not allowed to do that on the school playground for safety reasons. It’s not like the idea that he shouldn’t be doing that is some bizarre foreign concept he’s never encountered before. Hell, knowing you’re not supposed to be climbing the slides is half the fun of climbing them.

As for the inherent safety or danger of what the kid was doing…yeah, most kids climb slides at some point, and most of the time it’s fine. I did it myself when alone or in a small group plenty of times without incident. We jumped out of moving swings without incident, too. But other kids I went to school with chipped teeth or busted lips or broke bones when they lost their grip on the slide they were climbing or timed their landing wrong. In one spectacularly horrifying incident, a fifth-grader scalped himself when he was climbing an enclosed slide and his foot slipped right as his head cleared the metal hood. His parents sued the school district, on the grounds that he should have been supervised closely enough to prevent him doing something so dangerous.

So the OP’s response wasn’t ideal, but it also wasn’t wholly unreasonable.

82

As an aside, I am constantly guilty of bad confrontations with others. For some reason I can interact with children and handling their behavior much, much better than I can adults. I can sympathize with kids easier, I guess.

I am quick to jump on others. I have to really, really watch myself when I’m interacting with others when my children are around. I’m working on that for life in general, because losing my temper too much isn’t a lot of fun or me or others. When I used to drink, my wife would always be worried that I’d start a fight. Not that I did (much) and mostly because other people were more sensible than me at the time. The OP’s actions are pretty tame compared to what kind of shit I used to do (with other adults).

I had to make changes because I come from generations and generations of fucked up families. My role model was a psychopath who exploded over everything. As kids learn not by what their parents “teach” but by what their parents model, my default is to not check my temper. My father wouldn’t allow anyone else to get angry, but all that was simply held in.

My kids are six and four, so they are starting to watch daddy to see how he reacts in various circumstances. Do I really want them screaming when they are in their 20s and get frustrated? So, that’s my current homework, learning more effective ways of dealing with anger.

I also get the Papa Grizzly Bear response when bigger kids were playing around my kids when they were smaller and didn’t really know how to get out of the way.

However, I can’t get behind the philosophy of going nuclear when someone inconveniences one’s child. I don’t understand what that’s about. It sounds like the OP’s son had free reign on the slide for 15 minutes and Kid A come back, going up the slide, so that takes a few precious moments away the the OP’s son. I can see how another parent would think that’s over the top.

What really puzzles me, though, is his interaction with the four-year-old girl telling him that his son was too young for whatever it was. Left Hand gave the OP a D for his interaction with the parent, and I’d put the interaction with the girl a C-. It seemed hostile. You got a problem with this? Talk to your mother! Wow.

I wonder how much the OP understands what is age appropriate behavior for children. Spoiled four-year-olds who pick on younger kids don’t come up and start off with an “Excuse me, but,” line they simply take. The girl is mostly likely repeating what she’s been taught and doing so very politely.

Polite, respectful behavior from small children should be encouraged and engaged. What hard comes from having a friendly conversation? “Oh, thank you. Why is that?” “Well, I’m right here with him, so it’s OK.” Sort of thing. The fact that the mother apologized in no indication that she thought her daughter was out of line. Many mothers apologize first even when they don’t think they are really wrong.

My brother-in-law grew up in the 50s in Texas, and then was a marine in Vietnam War. Parents are to be obeyed and never questioned. No one interferes with my family, sort of thing.

Obviously, a single post contains far too little information to make sweeping judgments, but the tone sounds similar to things he would say.

We all have our own styles. As I said, I grew up in an environment where parenting decisions could not be questioned. I just thought about this last night. My kids were playing with a friend and running around. Someone offered a hard candy to my son, and I asked him to eat it later so that it wouldn’t be a choking hazard. It’s that sort of thing that my father or brother-in-law would simply order without giving rules.

I teach English to kids, all the way from kindergarten and up. I’m the teacher that they dump the rowdy boys who other teachers couldn’t handle, because I can control them, not simply by getting into their face, but by looking for and quickly rewarding positive behavior, setting limited numbers of age appropriate rules, quick enforcement before it escalates and always treating them with respect.

My brother-in-law’s daughter from a previous marriage went the opposite way with her daughter and was far too permissive. That didn’t go well, either.

Parents and teachers do need to set and enforce rules, it’s just that some approaches work more effectively than others.

83

I have to say that I agree 100% with how the OP acted and it’s really a good thing I didn’t have kids because dealing with this nonsense would drive me over the edge. Wow.

84

Wrong.

85

I really feel like you may be projecting a haughty vibe you’re not aware of (and I think you come by it honestly because it sounds like your dad does it too).

I understand that you take the posted rules about slides very seriously (I am among those who consider those simply a CYA list of suggestions, not Ultimate Law, and that kids should use playground equipment in imaginative ways, with polite "excuse me"s in the case of turn infringement such as this one) but there seem to be other rather arrogant judgements you make about others’ parenting, and the way kids play. And, the two times someone has approached you with suggestions about YOUR parenting, you’ve reacted in a defensive, even hostile way. You (and your dad) really come across like you feel you are the supreme knowers of right and wrong, and you have all kinds of assumptions about what kind of person anyone who has a different philosophy is.

My suggestion to you is to remember that in any situation where you feel others are acting inappropriately, someone else is probably thinking the same about you or your kid. That’s not to say don’t say anything, just simply to remember that as this thread has proven, parenting, playing, and playground etiquette are not black and white, and your opinion is just that - an opinion. Share it as respectfully as you would want someone else’s opinion shared with you or your son.