That’s assuming you have a co-parent, of course. Have you made arrangements for such an eventuality? If so, how formal are your arrangements? If not, why not?
My wife’s parents. My brother is the backup if they predecease us and we don’t have time to change it. All this is in guardianship instructions drafted by an attorney and kept with our wills.
My son is 11. If my wife and I died, her first cousin (who already lives nearby and is very close to my son emotionally) would get custody of our son. My family would do everything possible to help her out financially.
Yes, soon after our first was born we asked close friends (who have a 2-year-old of their own) if they would be guardians in that event, as they live very near to us so that should cause the minimum disruption. Nothing formal in place, don’t think there needs to be - both our families would help out in that unhappy event anyway. We do have various formal financial arrangements in place that should provide for the child’s upkeep etc.
If both of you aren’t uninsurable such that the premiums would be many thousands a year, I’d like to think you’ll address the finance angle via term life insurance v. rely on (and possibly burden) family and cousin.
My brother. If he’s not alive at the time, my daughter’s godfather.
um…
You might want to look into that. There might be legal impediments to having this happen, even if everybody involved is okay with it.
I concur. If even one blood relative decides they should get the child instead of your selected non-relative guardians, they could possibly do so, or at least make things very, very difficult for your friends.
Get a will. Like, today. If you want anything to happen that does not follow the usual probate procedures you definitely need a will. Even if all your family members agree it will be a pain in the ass for your friends to be named the legal guardians by a court without a will.
As for the OP: it would be a pretty bizarre circumstance since we are rarely in the same place.
My sister would get them. She is a very good parent with a stable household. At 10 years older than me she wouldn’t exactly look forward to having teenagers back in her house but she loves my kids.
We never had kids, but my wife and I were the written backup plan for her sister’s kids. They’re adults now and the backup was never needed.
Our son is 16. When he was young the plan was for him to live with my sister. Now that he’s older, and she lives in another state, I could seem him choosing to move in with my SIL and her husband or my BIL and his wife, who live here in town, so he would be able to finish high school where he started.
My brother would have guardianship of my kids if something happened to me and Tony. It was an easy decision, since we each only have one living sibling, his lives in a tiny apartment a continent away and is dealing with a chronic illness, and my brother is relatively healthy, retired from the military, and lives nearby. Both sets of grandparents would do everything within their power to help, but at their ages, it wouldn’t be fair to them or the kids to ask them to care for little ones. In the event that my brother were unable to care for the children, my cousin Sharon would be the second option.
It’s all outlined in paperwork filed with our wills, because it wouldn’t be fair to anyone to make things even more difficult than the situation would already be.
(This is a subject that has been at the forefront lately, because we currently have houseguests due to the health and financial situation of a former co-worker of my husband’s. She is terminally ill. We’re drawing up paperwork later this week - if FC dies before her daughter is 18, she wants us to have guardianship. She also wants to give me medical power of attorney in the event she’s not able to make her own decisions.)
Wolves.
My wife’s sister and her husband. They’re roughly our age, they have 2 kids already, and they’re great people.
If all 4 of us were to get wiped out… I’m not sure. I’d like to think it would be my brother and his wife (young, nice, probably good parents), but it would probably end up being my wife’s parents since of the 2 sets of grandparents, they’re in the best physical shape to manage small children.
Oh, there’ll be more than enough life insurance.
I’m just saying that my wife’s family (local) is small, and my family (all in or around NYC) is large. My family would WANT to be involved in my son’s life and would do everything possible to help him if something happened to us. But they wouldn’;t get custody.
We just started thinking about this. Our son turned 1 last month, and so far I’ve got term life insurance for both of us, but nothing in terms of a will.
Probably need to get moving on that soon. I really don’t know who would get him. My mom is a bit of a flake, unfortunately. My wife’s mom is in Germany, and it would suck if the little guy had to uproot there. We’re also not very close to my immediate family at all.
Hmmm… What’s Beef’s email again?
If your arrangements aren’t executed in a legally binding document, they don’t really mean shit. Just because you and your spouse decided you want Aunt Suzy to be guardians of your children, and you even discussed it with her, if you both die and never had a formal legal guardianship document prepared laying out your wishes and Grandma thinks she would be the better guardian, expect your children to be part of a custody battle.
How comfortable are you that both sets of grandparents would be okay with their grandchildren being raised by non-family members? You don’t think there’s even a remote chance that one of them might assert their familial rights? If these are your wishes, you should get them formalized.
Life insurance with spouse as primary, children as secondary.
My sister and her husband to take the kids and vice verse. We each have a special needs kid, so I suppose there’s comfort in knowing our child will be with a family that understands.
Yes, all formal but it’s worth revisiting now that the kids are older. Thanks for the reminder.
My nephew is about 16, so I guess if my Sis and BIL were to die my parents or my brother would look after him for a couple years. He seems to be a sensible kid anyway, if slightly odd.