I feel like I’m not “doing this right”, although I’m not sure I’ll ever be really confident in this Mommy role.
My b/g twins are 13 months old. Am I supposed to be doing something in particular with them? I’m a big cuddler, we hug and jabber a lot, sing songs, tickle knees and count toes, but almost everything I do is in response to them, rather than being initiated by me.
My Hubby and I read to them most days - not a big favorite of theirs, but we try. Other than that, I pretty much just leave them to play with their toys on their own and respond when they come to me for attention. They seem happy doing this, they’ll combine parts and pieces of different toys, chew, explore the safe cupboards, chew, beat things (running while waving toys in both hands is a big hit), and roll things; they chase each other around, do a little climbing on the furniture. And chew. Toy squabbles are frequent but brief. Sometimes I have the TV on, they don’t really pay it all that much attention (except for Elmo).
I’ve taken them to Kiddie Playland things, which they enjoy, but it seems like they get sick every time they’re around other children. February was not fun, they were each hospitalized with dehydration due to rotavirus (my son had been licking the floor at the “castle”, I suspect that’s where it came from).
Are other people teaching their kids things this early? I feel like it’s just a waste of time w/mine, they don’t really “learn”. They’ll imitate me randomly and they love applause, but they’re not making connections, there’s no building on previous learning. All the “Toddler Activities” I’ve read about seem too risky - they’re still mouthing their toys, no way I’m giving them crayons and craft projects to choke on.
Am I missing something? Being too timid or lazy?
I’m bored as all get out. It’s a good thing they’re so cute and adorable. They’re great kids, I’m just not sure what to do.
Seems fine to me. When the weather’s nice, I’d go to the park.
I see no reason to push ‘learning’ on them. They’re learning sponges, they’re learning all the time. There’s nothing (IMO) to be gained by going all super-baby on them.
Are you getting any ‘you’ time? Be sure to get some time to yourself to work on projects or read good stuff!
Oh, how I envy your California weather! Chi-town is miserable right about now, Spring can’t come soon enough!
“Me” time? It is to laugh. Haha. Now I have laughed.
Actually I’m going out on my own with some friends Saturday night, that’ll be the first time I’ve done that in the p.m. since they were born.
I don’t mean to be whiny about all this, there’s just this constant sense of being a little lost. And then I read about someone’s wonderbaby & it makes me paranoid. Of course they could be lying wildly.
It also sounds about right to me. Keep them fed, clothed, (relatively) clean, read to them occasionally, let them play. With twins you’d need to be extremely motivated to do much more than that.
I have a two year old daughter with another daughter on the way. What you are doing sounds great to me. They just need to have their basic needs met and have a lot of parental attention at that age. You enjoy them and let them enjoy you and everything will be great. There is no need for structure at that age. Just crawling around on the floor or dirt opens up a whole world of wonders to them.
Also, a lot of people exagerrate the accomplishments of their young children so just smile, nod, and ignore.
Praise them for playing quietly, this is reverse physcology and let them hear you say to some other adult, " Look how good little Stella plays with her blocks and how her brother Blotto shares so nicely." It is one of the best peices of brainwashing I’ve ever found.
Kids need to learn to play and enjoy, not be structured into daily increments of “Baby Piano” and “Flash Cards” and " Gymboree". Make sure you leave the TV off during this time. The TV is an inanimate object that is now a part of everyone’s family like some ancient Auntie sitting in the corner snoring quietly. Everyone is afraid to pull the plug on the TV. Put music on instead.
When kids are bored of whatever, that is when the whinyness and petty little fighting begins. That is when to introduce something new. And don’t forget to rotate the toys every few weeks so that what is old is new and versy vice.
You have learned a valuable lesson. To avoid these petri dishes disguised as PlayLands until the kids are 25. Or carry and be maniacal about using handwipes. And get use to taking the kids to the doctors in February/March because of a two hour jaunt to Chuck Mc Petrie Dish Cheesies during the dark, dull frigid long winter days in early February will result in a doctor’s office visit. I guarantee it!
BTW, you will be regarded as a germophobe loony by most of your friends. Friends whose kids are never sick because they are carriers. One of my dearest friends is never sick. Neither are her kids. We hit the playland together, whose kids get sick - as in a 10 day miss school because of an earache (something one has never had) and brochitis (something neither of them have ever had?) My kids. The two hours of play resulted in 15 days of imprisonment for me and about $250 in co-pays and Rx’s. Yippee.
You don’t have to sign them up for gymboree or other such yuppie clap trap. One of the best programs I have ever found is my local libraries lap sit. It caters to kids, gives the joy of reading and socializing in a cleaner environs and best of all, it’s FREE!
Just relax and enjoy them. Motherhood is tough enough inwardly with all the pressures on us that we put upon ourselves. don’t let outside influences shove you into something that only makes you feel like shit for not trusting your instincts. But don’t be afraid to try something new. Yeah, it’s a conflict. Welcome to Motherhood!
Let your kids see you reading for your own pleasure!It instills the love of reading on a different level for them. If they pester you, tell them it is “Mommy Reading Time” and either they can play quietly in the room with you or listen to you read it aloud to them while cuddling. It won’t work perfectly the first time or so, but after awhile, they will get it and leave you alone for a good 15-30 minutes. Really.
If I can take this time to prolityze to your exhausted mommy brain:
Above all, be kind. The book tells parents how to use the Four Elements of humane education: Providing information;teaching critical thinking, Instilling the three R’s of Reverence, Respect and REsponsibility; offering positive choices. I like it alot and wish it was out when my kiddies were younger. Probably would have saved me some headaches. YMMV.
Chinaberry Cause I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t recommend my favorite children’s booksellers online.
A Child’s Work: the importance of fantasy play I am not sure how this book came to my attention, but I just got it from the library system today and I am impressed with the first chapter alone. ( I am pretty much anti-TV, even though I do let my kids turn their brains to mush on a daily basis.)
Enjoy the cuddling! I never tire of a good cuddle!
As you can see, this is all disjointed, welcome to motherhood!
I think there’s always that lost feeling with the first time, and you have it at least double! My SIL’s baby is the same age as your two, and she’s the same, always checking to see if the baby’s doing okay and she’s not doing it wrong somehow. (I was too, only it’s now lost in the mists of time, since it was all of 3-4 years ago. )
American mommy culture has gotten so competitve and perfectionist in a lot of ways, and I think it’s awful. We blame almost everything on moms, and so many women think they have to be playing with their kids all the time, and that if they don’t have 10 extra classes every week that they’ll be ‘behind’ somehow. It’s terrible for the moms, and it’s not good for the kids either. Reject the Perfect Mommy Syndrome, I say! (is there a raised fist smiley?)
I know it’s horribly difficult to have ‘me’ time when they’re babies, and you have it harder. But it does get easier, I promise. And it’s really important to do it, even if you just force them to take naps at the same time and read a mystery for half an hour. I also have a deal with my husband that he (usually) can’t go to work until I’ve had a shower, and this has been a really happy thing for me.
My son is 19 months old and we do basically what you and your kids do, with a few extra things so that I don’t completely go insane.
Once a week, I take him for swimming lessons at the local indoor pool (it’s actually held in the hydrotherapy pool, which is really warm). It’s a class designed for 6 month olds - 2 year olds and basically we just sing little songs and teach them to paddle around & blow bubbles. With twins, you’d have to have another person to do this - do you have a mom or other relative/friend around who’d enjoy doing this?
Once a week, my son and I meet friends who also have boys his age (born within a week of him, actually). We have coffee and let the boys play (there’s a little kid area at the shopping center). Then, we walk over to the library where they have storytime & a craft.
Both of these activities are far more for me than for my son. I think he’d be perfectly happy playing with his blocks every day, but he has fun getting out and I get to have conversations with adults.
A great organization, if you have one in your area, is M.O.M.S. Club When we lived in the U.S., I was a member of my local chapter and it was absolutely fantastic (and pretty cheap - they’re very cognizant of financial issues and you can even get your annual dues waived if you can’t afford them). There were things going on all the time designed for stay-at-home moms and their kids. One of the things that made it different from your standard playgroup is that there were also activities designed to lend support to mothers (meals for moms who were sick or who just had babies, moms night out, babysitting networks, book club where kids were welcome, etc.).
I’m sure you’re doing a fantastic job for them, but it does get hard - especially when you’re cooped up in the cold weather. I can totally relate to feeling like you’re in a rut. When we first moved here and I didn’t know one single person, I thought I was going to go insane with playing trucks and reading Baby’s Word Book every single freaking day. It’ll get better. Especially when they’re a little bit older and they start being able to name stuff. Then you start to feel like you’re getting more payback for your teaching efforts.
I’d say throw them out. If you’re really pinching pennies, check the expiration date, but that’s pretty old and tots are quite cheap. They could have freezer burn or be all dried out by now. That doesn’t make for a good tot. If you do decide to throw caution to the wind, ketchup would help disguise any bad spots.
Thank god I’m an American Daddy. Seriously, now. I spent a lot of entire days with the kids when they were babies, and on up. Freelancer. I was working, or I was Daddy all day, from up to bed.
Being the only Dad in the playground is interesting. I was generally ignored as though I were an odd parasite. Therefore, I’d hear things. These mommies were so deeply competitive, it was sad.Gymboree? That’s the least of it.
As long as the kids rolled in the dirt, but did not actively eat the gravel, it was counted as a great visit to the playground. Filthy dirty? Fine, that’s why I give em baths daily. Ripped a pants leg? Who the heck takes their kid to a playground in a fashion outfit? I took mine in worn out playclothes.
What might I add, that hasn’t been said beautifully? This: Be on their level. Not to be the nonstop jungle gym climbing toy, but so that you are eye-to-eye accessable. Nobody told me this mattered, I just started it when my son came to us. ( age 6 months, adopted). I felt that no matter what I was doing, unless it was normal household stuff, I could do it on the floor.
In his world. Not so I was a pair of legs and shoes and feet, but so that I was accessable to him visually. I always felt it made a difference to the kids. I’d sit and read my book, watch t.v., listen to music, whatever. As much as I could, on the floor.
May sound weird, but to this day, if we are in a room, we are likely to be sprawled out on the floor talking. Kind of nice. It’s a connection of ease that started when they were tiny compared to me.
My son is now two and a half. When he was your kids’ age, I tried reading to him; he just wandered off. Now he loves being read to, and is pretty adamant about it. He will move my head so it faces the book he wants me to read. I can see him growing up with his nose in a book. Not that that’s a bad thing.
IMO, the whole “cult of mommyhood” is complete BS. There was a lot I used to feel guilty about, but now I realize that some of these are things that we both thrive on now. He loves spending time at Gramma and Grampa’s; I used to feel guilty that I wasn’t spending that time with him. However, the breaks are good for both of us. He gets to spend time with Gramma and Grampa, and I get time to do other things like housework and laundry. When he comes home, I get to spend more time with him because the scutwork has been done.
In any event, comparing your kids to others’ isn’t really a good idea. Just because Sarah can speak in complete sentences, or Sammy can drink from a cup without spilling doesn’t mean anything, except that Sarah can speak in complete sentences and Sammy can drink from a cup without spilling. All the comparison thing will do is make you crazy. Your kids will do what they’re going to do, and as long as they’re healthy and are hitting the appropriate milestones when they should, there’s nothing to worry about.
There was some “tactile play” stuff daycare did with my kids at about that age (not me!). Put some chocolate pudding on their high chair tray and let them “fingerpaint” sorts of stuff. Daycare was also really big into getting handprints and footprints - they assured me it was tactile stimulation (I think you can go stir crazy in a room of babies and be driven to paint their feet). Let them move and explore (safely). Let them play in water (safely).
They are still six months or more away from really starting to do “things” Neither of my kids did much with crayons until after two, and playdoh was more for eating. Blocks started fairly young - my son was big on blocks.
Animal noises and identification…colors…body parts… that comes early.
Sounds pretty normal to me. Twins are probably a bit different as there is a constant companion.
actually, anythoughts you have on twins would be appreciated. I’ve got 2 month old twin girls. They are in the eat, sleep, poop, repeat stage, and just now starting to be a little more interactive.
IMHO this is the best single thing you can do with your kids. Read to them. Both my wife and I read to our kids every day. For me reading was quiet bonding time with both of my kids. Anyway when they got to about 3-3 1/2 they both wanted to know how to do this cool thing, reading. By the time they started school, if you wanted to find them all you had to do was look for a set of book covers, their heads would be between them. Didn’t need no stinking hooked on fonix at casa de Rick.
All in all, I would say you are doing just fine.
In case you’re looking for specific activity ideas…
One thing I did with my kids when they were around that age (maybe a couple months older) was to fill a large, but shallow, Rubbermaid container (like those under-bed storage boxes) with puffed wheat. I set it on the kitchen floor, gave the kids some empty plastic cups, and marvelled at the fact that the kids were still playing with it all nearly an hour later.
Puffed wheat - easy to sweep up or vacuum, and safe to eat.
There are sure a lot of insightful posts here, with lots of good advice!
My son is 3 months old. And I’ve done the “I don’t think I’m doing it right” post too.
Don’t worry too much. Criticizing yourself, comparing yourself, and telling yourself you aren’t doing enough are all so undermining. I’m sure you are doing a GREAT job.
I used to work in day care and in Montessori schools. Day care I did 1-5 yr olds and Montessori I did 2-5 year olds. So I will give you some ideas based on those experiences.
A lot of the toddler activities are appropriate now. As long as they are supervised, you don’t have to worry too much about the mouthing of stuff- especially if you are using nontoxic materials.
Here are some ideas for now and in the future-
finger painting, using both regular finger paints and instant pudding. Instant pudding is absolutely safe and tasty. Finger paint is also safe, but less tasty.
Crayoning. If you are worried about small crayons, find the “chunky” toddler crayons. You can also use crayola washable markers.
Drawing with chalk, inside and outdoors
Collages- you put the elmer’s on the paper, and the kids sprinkle the glitter, cotton balls, bits of paper, etc on
Make ooblek and playdough. You can also buy playdough too at the store. It is salty but nontoxic.
Take water and paint brushes outside on a hot day and make water paintings on the sidewalk. Watch them disappear!
Play dress up!
Use cardboard boxes to make forts, trucks, etc
get out some rice, peas, beans, etc and practice pouring from one container to another. this helps with math skills and visual skills. also can be done with colored water (use food coloring)
Field trips! Firehouse, police station, local museum, ponds, wherever. See what grownups do all day!
Puppets! Buy some or make some. Paper bags make great cheap puppets when combined with markers. See puppets sing!
Find and observe bugs! Especially pill bugs (rollie pollies). Kids love 'em. don’t know why.
Sing hand gesture songs (itsy bitsy spider, etc). You can find more here
Help mom make snacks! They can stir jello, pour flour into a mix, spread peanut butter onto crackers or logs of celery (you can use cream cheese too)
Dance in bathing suits in the rain (wait until it is warmer for this)!
Pretend we are lions and roar!
I’m sure you can think of many more. Trust me, they are learning all the time, whether you can tell or not. Get messy, have fun, and don’t worry too much about them getting hurt. If you are watching them and the materials are nontoxic, they won’t.
ps- do not get very tiny (1/4") pompoms. they are just too tempting for the inside of noses.
My problem with all the salt-and-flour based play doughs is that they dry out almost instantly. My 19 month old absolutely adores playing with the white Sculpey brand modeling clay I keep on a special table for them to play with any time day or night. The advantage of this stuff is that it takes years to dry out, and there’s no fighting over colors. Also it won’t dry out the skin like the salt stuff. But of course, they’ll get their little toys into it, and the clay will get all over the toys and never come off - and heaven help you if it gets ground into the carpet - so you have to pick your priorities.
I am so very not a Supermom. I have 4 kids ages 19 months to 7, and the supermoms would be appalled at how I let the kids entertain themselves for hours. Hours, I tell you. Oh yes, they come to me for mediation, encouragement, hugs, kisses, band-aids, breakfast lunch, dinner, storybooks, and shoelace-tying, but you can’t imagine the creativity they get up to on their own when left to their own devices, with a handful of small toys and a box of crackers.
At 13 months, your real job is to keep them safe, since they have no ability to comprehend danger, even if they can walk, climb stairs, and climb onto chairs and thence onto the countertop. I second the binful of puffed wheat (though we used pinto beans for the older kids), Give them plastic containers to bang and stack. Go to a thrift store and get a few wooden spoons, pots, and pans. My littlest is TOTALLY into walking around in bigger peoples’ shoes right now, especially big sisters’ snowboots, which come to baby’s knees. She wouldn’t sit still to hear a book if her life depended on it, and I don’t even try. But she will sit and look at books for twenty minutes at a time, and she’s happy.
Really, as long as the kids have things to play with on their own terms, and are happy…that’s all you really need for them.
When the kids have friends over, I have noticed that girls seemed particularly prone to come up to me and say, " What do we do now?" as in I don’t know how to entertain myself cause it is programmed out for me the whole day because their mama’s have to program and spend quality yuppy time with them. Boys, I’ve noticed, have never done this with me. They just tear off with my son to speak their own language of Pokemon/Yu-Gi-Oh. So, what we have here, IMHO, is a classic over correction of Mommies not leaving their daughter’s forgotten or behind.
The most notable example of this is our neice who is The World’s Most Perfect Girl and Perfect Grandchild and Just the Best Evar!!1111!!!. Because my SIL micromanages her (until the three boys followed) and had every thing she did be sued for brain development stuff. She is programming her daughter into some kind of android and that is frightening. Oh, and she is a 1-2 grade teacher.
" I’m getting a swingset for X."
" Why, she is one years old, she can’t manage any of that by herself."
“Because swinging is good for brain developement.”
“So is running around outside or playing with flour…” This is an actual conversation. I’m surprised I didn’t have an anuerysm on the spot.
When this kid comes over she use to just stand there in the kitchen like a statue waiting for me to entertain her. For minutes on end. Waiting for me to actually say something like, " Ohhhh kids, lets go to a Maple sugar farm so we can show you the importance of mother nature and how trees produce syrup…this iwll help build up your science skills…"(she did just this when her daughter was 13 months old. :rolleyes: ) I just say to her, " X, you are here to play with my kids. I am here for maintence. That means if you are hungry or have a boo-boo you come to me. All the entertainment you need is right between your ears. If I hear any fighting over any toy, I take the toy away. If I hear any fighting between kids, everyone gets a time out. Unnerstand? Now go."
And then I never see the kids for the rest of the time. where is the cart wheel smilie?
Look the reasons I had kids were purely for tax write offs and living vicariously through them.
and because I gots to share this. This is the same SIL who is very religous and her kids beleive that babies come from Jesus’s arms or some other such nonsense. I tell her kids that they were bought at the babystore. On the clearance rack. Which is kinda true since three of them are IVF science projects…what?
