Parents: What to Do With 1-yr-old Tots?

[Dangerosa]

I’ve noticed similar. And it isn’t just girls. Although it seems more prevelent with girls.

The other thing is make sure you aren’t giving your kids every minute. Someday, you’ll need to clean the basement while they play happily upstairs, and you don’t want to have to entertain them. Someday, you’ll want to be able to drop them off for playdates, and you don’t want them to have no experience without you. Probably the best thing a kid can learn is not to read before they are four, but to be independant and make good decisions before they are eighteen. They’ll learn their colors eventually (unless they are colorblind), you don’t want them living in your basement when they are 35 unable to do their own laundry. Independance and good decisions takes time, they are starting to practice these things now.

[fessie]

I love you guys. This is wonderful. You’re all so wise and funny. Thank you!

:: Big Hugs ::

[Cartooniverse]

What Dangerosa said. It does occur to me that my post may have been misread. I did not mean by any stretch that I sat on the floor INTERACTING with them. Even when it was just my son. I didn’t talk to him nonstop, nor engage him in play nonstop. That is what toys and quiet play time is for. I just meant that I was in a physical sense, on his level.

One of the most satisfying things to me as a parent was to see either child completely absorbed in play on the floor. Quiet, usually , and absorbed. Focused on whatever logic was running inside their beautiful little heads.

It is the look on their face they have when they are playing musical instruments.

It is the antithesis of the vapid lost unfocused look they have when they watch t.v.

[dangermom]

@Cartooniverse

One of the most satisfying things to me as a parent was to see either child completely absorbed in play on the floor. Quiet, usually , and absorbed. Focused on whatever logic was running inside their beautiful little heads.

It is the look on their face they have when they are playing musical instruments.

It is the antithesis of the vapid lost unfocused look they have when they watch t.v.

I agree, and I think this may turn out to be a problem for a lot of kids raised to go be scheduled all the time and watch a lot of media when they’re not at a class or being entertained. Kids need a lot of unscheduled playtime, IMO, in which they aren’t Doing Something. It’s when they’re running around in the backyard immersed in some fantasy world that they’re learning to be in what some people might call “the zone”–that state of mind where you’re utterly absorbed in what you love to do. I wonder if that is something that has to be learned as a child? Can adults learn it as easily, and what do you do if you haven’t got the ability to immerse yourself like that?

I wonder if a lot of parents don’t wind up interfering too much, when their children would be better served by being left alone to fend for themselves for a while to do what they want to do, instead of being interrupted before they’re ready to quit.

Not that this actually has a lot to do with fessie’s current life, I guess, but nobody minds if I ramble pointlessly for a little while, right?

[Cartooniverse]

Nope.

I am not sure it’s a learned behavior. If you’ve had a baby and have spent time watching it at play closely, I’d wager that the baby is so hungry for the world to be presented in a non- aggressive manner, than they kind of jump into the fray with their brain at the ready.

They are soooooo ready to explore, seems to me.

Then again, I have to say that I did not have newborns- and so, if they were taught to be explorers or focused or to become immersed, it happened before I adopted them. Bio parents chime in- is this something you are aware of showing your child? Or, do they simply… get there?

If you haven’t got the ability to immerse yourself like that then I suspect you miss out on a lot of life. Perhaps, and this may be my age talking, you wind up with the attention-span of an MTV- fed gnat. Incapable of focusing longer than 20-30 seconds before surfing channels. My daughter does this, it drives me insane. You wind up never reading for pleasure because you haven’t found the trick of releasing your imagination while keeping your brain focused enough to read the words and absorb them all.

I fear you miss the best that life on this planet has to offer. There’s an awful lot to be said for mental immersion, IMHO.

[dangermom]

Bio parents chime in- is this something you are aware of showing your child? Or, do they simply… get there?

I think it’s more a case of giving your kids the opportunity to learn it by letting them have unstructured free time, where they can just run around and do their own thing. It’s hard to model immersion, because the fact of being a parent means that you can’t immerse yourself into something for more than 30 seconds before your kid is tugging on your arm wanting something. It’s hard to describe; how do you tell your kid how to do that? It’s just something they can get to by themselves if you let it happen, IMO, but which can also be destroyed by constant interruption and scheduling.

And I guess that applies to any age. It’s something that needs to happen from infancy on up, before they’re even capable of understanding your explanation. I’m thinking in terms of my own current situation, with toddlers and preschoolers, but it’s true for babies too.

Eh, more rambling.

[Chotii]

@Cartooniverse

Then again, I have to say that I did not have newborns- and so, if they were taught to be explorers or focused or to become immersed, it happened before I adopted them. Bio parents chime in- is this something you are aware of showing your child? Or, do they simply… get there?

I think, actually, that for an average child, you have to condition them NOT to be like that. If you turn the TV off, give kids of any age a variety of objects they can manipulate (and books, if they read), they will immerse themselves. My kids play with each other, they play by themselves, they create vast fantasies (usually involving assorted blended families of toy dinosaurs, My Little Ponies, and stuffed animals), they put on improvisational plays…all, mind you, if the TV is off. When it’s one, they mostly sit and watch it, and it doesn’t really matter what’s on. They’ll sit and avidly watch a show about home renovation or sewing, as happily as Sponge Bob or Between the Lions.

[Hokkaido_Brit]

I think that at 13 months old, there is little you need to be doing except keeping them physically safe, and letting them get on with exploring their own world. Respond if they come to you, kiss, cuddle and sing, read books, and if they are happily engaged in something, LEAVE THEM ALONE!!! (And rush off to have a pee or something else equally thrilling!)

I read a baby book by Penelope Leach, I think, and read a most amazing and freeing thing which she calls “benevolent neglect”. That is, you make sure your baby/toddler is safe and in a pleasant environment, then you step back and leave themto it. Oh yes!

Now I have an 8 year old and a 4 year old, and though the 8 year old is a little more hands-on and emotionally high strung, generally they are very independent people. I am essentially a single parent thanks to my husband’s job, and I would never, ever get a break if the kids didn’t let me take one. For the past two and a half years I have been able to have a lie in on a weekend, even without another adult in the house. True, I come downstairs to every single toy in the world, spilled drinks and crumbs everywhere, and two pairs of huge brown eyes assuring me that the orange juice on the carpet really was an accident, but its a small price to pay for two hours extra sleep!

The other thing I’d like you to consider as they get older is tidying up. Yes, you want your kids to do it by themselves eventually, and yes, if the place gets too bad it is overwhelming. But it is another symptom of micro-managing parents when they follow the rule of “one toy gets put away before another one comes out”. For a start it means you have a hundred little fights ALL DAY, and you have to supervise constantly. And unless it is a board game or something valuable, then I think it stultifies the kids imaginations. I came down this morning to every video in the house laid out as a road system (they have tracks, dunno what inspired the videos!), and lego buildings all around, and dinosaurs attacking the cars on the track, and my two boys stark naked, one with a paper crown and one with his blankie as a cloak, conducting the affairs of this universe. If I’d forced them to only have one thing out at a time, they couldn’t have done that. Right now the living room and back rooms are HORRIBLY messy but it is Sunday morning and we will have a blitz soon, so it doesn’t matter.

Good luck with it - enjoy them, love them, they don’t need any more from you than that.

[Aspidistra]

I am a slacker mum. Ooooh yes! There’s very little in our day that isn’t directly attributable to the calculation: what will produce the greatest amount of Happy Baby for the least amount of work.

For instance: we go to playgroup on thursdays. To stimulate her mental development in an enriching environment, thus leading her to maximise her full potential later in life, you ask? No! To satisfy her insatiable desire for “Broom” (translation: let’s go somewhere mum, I’m bored) AND get her to mess up somewhere other than home for a morning. Two wins in one!

I’m still breastfeeding in the mornings (she’s 18months at the mo), and have made no serious attempt to wean her. Is this because I’m following the World Health Organization’s recommendation of breastmilk for the first two years? No! It’s because it gives me an extra hour in bed in the mornings. Every parent here may now join me in the following mantra:

[Homer]
Mmmmmmm…bed…
[/Homer]
We do do a fair amount of going out, but it’s because she WANTS to go out. Believe me, when your twins start getting the itch to roam further, you’ll know about it!

(Broom, mummy! Broom!)

With luck, by that time it will be spring

[fessie]

*snort giggle *

Slacker Moms Unite, Aspidistra!

Broom, huh?

When they were younger (i.e. lighter) and it wasn’t winter yet, I took them to a lot of places. Partly for their amusement, partly for my own. Did you know the Art Institute of Chicago has a small touch-me gallery in the basement? I definitely agree on the value of getting out of the house. Bundling up does take a lot of the fun out, however.

What drives me nuts is trying to balance safety concerns with growth opportunities. Do I let them scramble about in the courtyard, exploring the dirt, or should I worry about the goose poop & keep them inside? Do I give them crayons now, or wait until they’re a little less oral (assuming that day comes) so they won’t nibble on them?

That’s one of the big differences with twins, China Guy; safety is a much bigger concern. A twin mom posted that she was ironing when one toddler was approaching some hazard or another, and in the time it took to intercept toddler #1, toddler #2 managed to grab the iron cord. I just avoid hazards completely (to the extent that I’m able to anticipate them) b/c I have no confidence that I’ll be able to intercept both children effectively.

Shirley Ujest once again, you make me laugh! My Mom’s name is Shirley & she’s a riot, too. I’ll try to become one of those “Wipie Moms”. Some people have encouraged me to expose the kids to germs, arguing that they need to build up their immune systems. Of course, those people don’t have to stay up 'til all hours with my sick babies!

Hokkaido Brit - I so agree! I only, and I mean ONLY, tidy up right before Hubby comes home! There’s just no point in trying to “keep” a clean house w/two little ones coming right along behind me, undoing my efforts as fast as they can!

chotii, Dangermom and Cartooniverse - your points are terrific. I vow to rejoice when my kids are happily engaged in their various pursuits. Being “in the zone” is exactly what it looks like & I agree, we un-train them. And Cartooniverse we sit on the floor all the time, too, what you say about being “on their level” is so true.

Laundry beckons…hope everyone’s enjoying the weather! I sent Hubby out to play w/son at the park while daughter was napping & they had a blast! Maybe I’ll manage a trip out myself!

[Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor]

Parents: What to Do With 1-yr-old Tots?

Deep fry ‘em!! Mmmmmm! Them’s good eatin’!

[Aspidistra]

fessie My way of dealing with the “dirt” issue has always been “hey, I’d rather let 'em eat a bit of good honest dirt than an antibacterial wipe. Who know’s WHAT’s in those things!”

But I freely confess, we are one of these families where we just Don’t Get Sick … Small Girl has inherited an iron constitution from both her mum AND dad and we’ve only even had to break out the Panadol 4 or 5 times so far. You may now commence to hate me

Even I might be concerned about bio-hazards though. Mind you, with goose poo the main thought would be “what about the GEESE?” Those dudes are vicious.

The art gallery sounds like a wonderful place. We have the Melbourne Museum just down the road as one of our regular haunts, and the Zoo is brilliant too.

As for YOU Bosda…

Grrrr. Grrr with much grrrring (Mr Aspy always makes these kinds of jokes too, and I always go grrr at him). So grrrrrr. And by the way, grrrrrrrrrrrr