Bit of background - I’m a gay woman, so in the heady days when I went to house parties, there would generally be a mix of genders and sexual preferences, and the genders mix liberally (not in the bodily fluids sense, we’re all coupled off these days). But I’ve noticed that, on the odd occasion I’ve been at occasions with my straight school friends, the women and men seem to congregate separately.
I wonder if this is an age thing? I’m 51. It was certainly true of my parents generation, but I wonder if that’s changed down the ages.
I’m 58, and before the pandemic my wife and I hosted a “Pinball Happy Hour” once a month. Guests divided themselves between the appetizers/drinks in the kitchen and the pinball machines in the garage (attached to the kitchen). You’d think that would lend itself to gender segregation but we always had an even mix in both rooms, usually based on one’s success with the silver ball.
Sometimes the teams head toward their own bench, other times they’re mixing it up out on the field. I have seen times all the women were hanging out together and all the men in some other place. I can tell you from the men’s side we are probably talking about work, or tools, or sports, or a really hot looking woman at the party. I’m not sure what the women are talking about except it probably includes that same hot looking woman at the party.
We’re talking about kids, shows we’re watching, and how our husbands drive us crazy. The hot woman at the party is usually with us so we’re not talking about her.
My distant hazy memory of parties is they were intermixed. I can’t really remember any parties where there was a gender divide since maybe a grammar school sock hop.
I would say that most of the time the genders separate. We’re in our late 30s and even when we hang out with our younger friends still in their 20s the separation occurs unless there is a communal reason to get together like food being served or the party is wrapping up.
Most of the time it’s because the guys like to hang out outside while the girls don’t want to leave the house. If we’re all inside it would still be separate conversations since the girls talk a lot about kids, arts and crafts, and each other’s lives while the guys are taking about sports, hunting, video games or projects around the house. There is cross over but in most cases there is little interest in what the other group is taking about.
I think the conversation point made by @Oredigger77 just above is key.
If the group ends up talking about those kind of things he cites, pretty quickly the oil and water will separate. But if we’re all talking together about something else, say movies we saw, or the food or drink being served, or the latest current events, that’s much more gender-universal and the male/female emulsion stays mixed.
Over the years I’ve belonged to a couple of clubs that were not just conventional hubby + wife w kids. Nothing too weird, but the folks were more educated, less inclined to be People magazine readers, and interested in lots of stuff. Or the club was about a particular topic, e.g. bike riding. The conversations may not have been always scintillating, but they were almost always mixed-gender.
Just like around here at the continuous party / social club we call “the 'Dope”. Most conversations about stuff other than homemaking or chain saws attract a mixed gender crowd and even those topics have a little crossover.
In situations where everyone is a friend, with similar ages and people are in similar places in life, we tend to have a lot of intermixing. In situations where we have a multi-generational mix of friends and family, like a holiday, we tend to have separation.
I don’t know if it is comfort, generational, or small talk situations that tend to force the split.
I’m thinking small talk is more comfortable for people with a gender split.
Back in the Before Times, when our son was playing football, there was always a gathering in the parking lot prior to games, for snacks and light drinks and general merry-making amongst the parents. My wife would always badger me to get there early for the social aspect, but as soon as we rolled-up, she would dart off to the group of moms (already well into the “light drinks” part), and simply ignore me and leave me to my own devices, which usually meant finding the group of dads and heading over there.
If we hosted something at our home (a rare event), the men and women would generally segregate except for the above-mentioned centralized filling of plates and wine/beer glasses.
Agree with @sitchensis the small-talk/comfort level is the driver.
At parties I give, and most parties I go to, whether family or not, the genders don’t separate. Maybe that’s partly because I know some women who are really into cars and some men who aren’t, some men who are really into talking about kids and some women who aren’t, and so on.
8 yos and 65+ yos aren’t quite so aggressively gendered as the 20- and 40-somethings, especially if they have kids. Or the 16 year olds who’re fascinated by the opposite sex but clueless on what to do about it.
Obviously dumping a few non-straight folks into the mix adds further opportunities for interesting and atypical dynamics.
IME when my parents had parties, throughout my life, they didn’t separate out by gender, whether they were in their 40’s or their 60’s or older; and after I left my parents’ home we socialized in mixed groups that stayed mixed, and continued doing that through my life.
I don’t think it’s a matter of age. I think it’s a matter of who in particular you tend to hang out with.
Aw cool. Is there a topic here which lists what pinball machines you have? I built (well, bought and then lightly modded) a virtual pinball machine that I’m about to sell:
Gender splits don’t seem to happen at parties with my friends. I don’t think they ever did in the past either. There was a time when we were kids and all our guests were the same sex. But once we started inviting the boys, we talked to them.
I do remember those splits being quite common at my parents’ parties when I was growing up. Often it was the women working in the kitchen with the men sitting outside, but even when no one was cooking and everyone was inside, they tended to settle in separate rooms.
I’m in my late 40s. Mine (and my friends’ parties) have always been mixed, from school through uni to today. I would notice, and feel absolutely weird at, a gender-segregated party.
No. But the group I’m thinking of we’re all an inter-gender friend group, where the childless outnumber the parents, and it’s never a “male host is outside at the grill” kind of gathering. There’s people at the table drinking, people in the living room playing cards, people in the basement playing video games and people outside around the fire.
My parents used to host large Thanksgiving parties with friends, which is somewhat unusual as most people celebrate that holiday with family. I’ve already said the gender splits did occur at their parties, but come to think of it there was never a football game on TV. There has certainly never been a football game on at any party I’ve hosted. I don’t think any of my friends are really into football. I’m aware that the scene you describe is common, but it does seem strange to me to have the TV on at a party if not everyone is interested in watching it.