I was considering holding a get-together and inviting people from work and also people from my gym.
My wife heard this and said that it’s a known rule that you never want to invite two separate groups of people, who don’t already know one another or otherwise don’t have some shared connection, to a party.
Is this true? Does it really ruin the event?
Don’t need answer fast.
I’ve had parties, large rambling BBQs where I had work friends, family and boat friends. They seem pretty popular.
The important thing was for each group to have people around they know. 6 from work. 5 from the boats and 20 family and older friends type mixes.
So it can work. I’ve also been to parties where I only knew the host and some of those were awkward. I don’t think there are any set rules.
I’ve done this pretty frequently and it’s always gone well. With some long-term friendships developing between the two groups.
Though you have to be cool with the fact for the most part the two groups will keep separate, it’s just human nature. You can introduce folks as much as you want but people will largely talk to the people they know. Which is fine, don’t get stressed about it as a host.
At our wedding party – we refused to call it a reception – we had by the door a pile of My name is stickers with markers and also four stamps with symbols on them for Family, Work, Fan, and Political.
Au contraire. My late husband and I used to give great parties, and some of the best ones brought together groups of people who didn’t know each other.
We had a party in December 1990, and it’s the only time I ever threw a party where everybody I invited came. It was a completely mixed bag from many different groups. One of them, an executive with a major insurance company, remarked to us that we certainly had interesting friends! He had just spent a long time chatting with a guy who worked in an airplane factory and made jewelry and other objets d’art from scrap metal he picked up at work. He was the husband of one of my classmates from massage therapy school.
See what I mean? Mix 'em up!
I mostly look at gatherings as a bunch of individuals from zero groups coming together in one group.
I’ve never heard of such a rule and I can’t imagine how it would work with a large party - I can’t invite my mother’s friends and her family to her 85 birthday party because they don’t all know each other?
What I would try to avoid is having people at the party who don’t know any of the other guests at all. Which has never been a problem for me - but I’ve fairly often seen people talk about attending weddings where they don’t know anyone other than the bride and/or groom, so it must happen.
Yeah, this is pretty much the definition of a wedding reception, isn’t it? Those usually go off pretty well.
What do these two mean?
I can’t imagine why that would be a problem. If I go to a party, I’m expecting to meet some people I already know and some people I don’t know. Both are good things, even for a socially awkward introvert like me! It would be kind of awkward to go to a party where I knew no one except the host, but that isn’t the situation here.
Do you expect them to…I don’t know…rumble or something?
Generally, I think so long as you have a large enough group, it shouldn’t be too awkward. Personally, one of the things I like about going to parties is the opportunity to meet people other than the same people I hang out with all the time.
Joining in the chorus: I have both gone to and given a number of parties at which there were people from two or more unrelated groups. Makes the party more interesting; and people get to meet others who they might otherwise never talk to, which is very often good for everybody.
(Admittedly, you might want to avoid inviting two groups of people already known to hate each other. At least if they’ll all immediately recognize members of the other group as members of that group – if you could get them talking to each other about something else first, even that might be a good idea.)
Aren’t you a significant shared connection?
A few days before the gathering do something unexpected and outrageous in both places. It’ll give all something to talk about and break the ice. Streaking st work and cross dressing at the gym?
When I go to a party, I expect to meet people I don’t know. I don’t think that’s atypical. I don’t throw many parties these days, but, say, ten years ago, an average party would contain groups from at least four different circles of friends. It’s not unusual, and I’ve never heard of it being a rule. Part of going to parties, for me, is meeting new people.
Everyone else is on the pro side; here’s the anti case.
I despise it. As others have mentioned, wedding receptions tend to be an extreme example of this, and those are by far the worst kind of party I have to attend.
The problem is code switching. Not language, exactly, but how I present myself. The kind of jokes I’m allowed to make. What political opinions are safe. My hobbies, which are interesting to a certain crowd but would bore the shit out of others. And so on.
This makes mixed group parties unbelievably stressful. Some new people among a group of friends is fine, because most likely they have similar attitudes and in any case I probably won’t see them again. But parties with multiple overlapping sets of people that I already know are miserable. I have to dedicate every available neuron to safely navigating the social network and it’s still not enough.
Though I kinda hate parties to start with, so maybe you shouldn’t ask me…
Fan = Science fiction fans
Political means just what it says; we were active in the Libertarian party at the time.
And message board friends, right?
I’ve always wanted to throw a party like this, and have color-coded nametags.
Scarlet=School, Blue=Boat, Charcoal=Church, Purple=Pub, Wisteria=Work, and Fuschia=Family.
The Dopefests I hosted were only message board friends. Though my late friend Mike might have been at one of them. But he was pretty much family.
Thank you. These are the kinds of issues that I would be concerned about in that kind of situations (I’m not saying I would never have such a party, but I would feel some of the stresses you refer to). See all #4 in the Geek Social Fallacies
I think #4 goes way beyond simply inviting people from different groups to the same events - if I invite my siblings and some neighbors and my softball team to a barbeque, I don’t expect that they will all become friends with each other* and I’m not going to "continue to try to bring them together at social events " because I wasn’t trying to do that to begin with.